How to deal with 16 DD who reads fanfiction porn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her access to erotica that you approve of. She might not be able to find it for free. And block the bad site.

This isn’t a parenting tip, but there is so much good smut on kindle unlimited books. Bad smut too, but all of it that I have read makes consent, safe sex, and characters over 18 a given. Even really dark ones with rape fantasy and voyeurism and stuff.

OP’s DD might like Cora Riley’s mafia romances or Elle Kennedy’s series about college hockey players. LJ Shen some good books too.

[Anonymous]

I read an article a couple years ago giving advice about how parents should handle their tween boy’s strange fetish. It sounds like your daughter’s interests are far more common, but i think it may provide some relevant advice and perspective you could consider.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/09/teenage-son-sexual-fetish-advice.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her access to erotica that you approve of. She might not be able to find it for free. And block the bad site.

This isn’t a parenting tip, but there is so much good smut on kindle unlimited books. Bad smut too, but all of it that I have read makes consent, safe sex, and characters over 18 a given. Even really dark ones with rape fantasy and voyeurism and stuff.

OP’s DD might like Cora Riley’s mafia romances or Elle Kennedy’s series about college hockey players. LJ Shen some good books too.

(Also I have my very own kindle account so my kids don’t see them when they go to read keepers of the lost cities or something)

[Anonymous]

Stop monitoring your teen’s porn. It is creepy.

[Anonymous]

OP here again- thanks for the many helpful comments. I too read Flowers in the Attic (every book!) but Incan guarantee that the fanfic does not compare. If it were like that I would ignore it. DD does well (like a 3.4 or something) but she spends more time reading the fanfic than she does at schoolwork. So i do worry it is a bit of an addiction. I realize the male on male comment sounds homophobic- I am lgbt supportive- but the stories feel particularly violent. And I guess I am concerned that it doesn't include her- a female perspective. I have considered telling her she can read any book she wants but that the invetted stuff online is not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again- thanks for the many helpful comments. I too read Flowers in the Attic (every book!) but Incan guarantee that the fanfic does not compare. If it were like that I would ignore it. DD does well (like a 3.4 or something) but she spends more time reading the fanfic than she does at schoolwork. So i do worry it is a bit of an addiction. I realize the male on male comment sounds homophobic- I am lgbt supportive- but the stories feel particularly violent. And I guess I am concerned that it doesn't include her- a female perspective. I have considered telling her she can read any book she wants but that the invetted stuff online is not ok.

There isn’t actually such thing as a sex addiction. Kids do often spend time on things that would be better spent elsewhere and that’s normal. Not that kids should be allowed to blow off homework or that constantly doing isolating activities is okay, but I don’t think the sex part of it is bad.

Everything on kindle unlimited is vetted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for OP. She came here for some advice and help - and only a couple of people even tried being helpful. Op, I would just ask your DD in a totally non-confrontational way about what she is reading and why. I would be concerned about this coupled with the skin picking - please call the pediatrician and have a private talk with the doctor about how to handle this and if there are any red flags that she may have been abused. Perhaps the pediatrician can give some advice on who she can talk to...
Hoping that it's just curiosity and boredom - and that it passes.

Putting your boundaries ( or lack there of) into perspective is very helpful. Parent doesn't equal master

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - well, I see that quickly devolved into rude, unfeeling responses. Thank you to those of you who actually took the time to offer some thoughtful helpful advice. To the others, I don't know what you get out of shitting on other people, but I hope it's worth it.
I'm out. This will be the last time I post here.

You sound SUPER mature op. I guess your daughter is more mature than you are.

Speaking of shitting on... is she into that type of porn too?

[Anonymous]

Is OP still around? I was this DD twenty years ago and I have a lot of thoughts, but I don’t want to bother writing a long and extremely personal post if it’s not going to be helpful.

— former BNF

[Anonymous]

OP, I read some crazy hardcore stuff as a teen (and still do) and I am the most vanilla person in my personal real life - happily married, never particularly wild even in college etc. For me it was a safe and fun way to experience things I would never want to do in real life.

Also, the comment you made about being worried that she likes stuff that doesn’t involve women - as someone who also enjoys this sort of thing, for me it’s precisely because there isn’t anyone like me - it’s even safer and even more removed from my life and so that is why I enjoy it.

Final comment/question - does she read fan fiction for particular books/shows or it doesn’t matter, she just likes things with a particular explicit theme? If it’s the former, even less reason to be worried, because that’s just being a fangirl, even if of a particular kind.

Anyway, I don’t have much advice other than to say you shouldn’t worry too much - at least it means she’s not doing it in real life and it’s a safe way to explore weird things. My parents never found out and I kept on my merry way and turned out to be a productive member of society who never did anything risky or problematic in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she read it? I seriously don’t understand the problem (and I don’t even like smut). I don’t think you should censor her reading. If you are concerned, perhaps you could read it too and talk to her about it (but more listening than talking), although that ship has probably sailed.

This. It's not like she's live-streaming sex crimes. And she's 16--she's almost a legal adult! Blocking her internet is just going to teach her you are close-minded. Check in with her, feel her out on this stuff, talk about it maturely (e.g. this stuff isn't real, consent is important, etc.) keep the door open.

[Anonymous]

The last person that a 16 year old girl needs talking to her about her fantasy life is her moom. How gross. People have no boundaries these days

[Anonymous]

Talk to your child’s doctor, you will never get good advice about sex/sexuality and teens on this site. Stick with your gut instincts on this one. Hopefully you have a good pediatrician who is familiar with these types of scenarios and their impact. Our doctor has been fantastic about these things and explaining the very real consequences of sex, porn, social media etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I would ignore it. I went through a phase as a teen where I read some super weird sexually explicit stuff, more problematic than a bunch of fanfic, in published romance and horror novels. I didn't do anything sexual as a teen and am a profoundly vanilla adult. Some kids prefer to do all their sexual experimentation in the realm of fiction which has the bonus of being a 0% risk of STIs.

I read a lot of erotica as a teen, mostly romance novels.

but the stuff OP is describing is disturbing. I did read one book where it had stuff like this, and in hindsight, a story that was basically child molestation. At the time, I didn't realize what that was.

Erotica is fine, but the stuff OP describes is not fine. I still feel creeped out and cringe when I think about the stuff I read. It was so disturbing it has stayed with me, 30+ yrs later.

Porn can be addicting, even for girls. If she cannot get a handle on this, then I would start to question whether she is addicted to it.

Maybe redirect her to erotica books that deal with adult sexuality, no kids and no rape. Gad.. that's just disturbing.

EXACTLY. What is wrong with (most of) you posters here!!

[Anonymous]

I have seen dozens of tiktok videos from liberal/leftist Gen Z creators who said that their parents’ giving them unfettered access to the internet at a young age really messed them up and they will not make the same mistake, and those videos have thousands of likes, shares, etc. I wonder if this is the kind of stuff they are talking about?

Anyway, I’ll just reiterate that I think erotica is all good but the kind of stuff OP’s daughter is reading isn’t appropriate for minors.