When you host a group of teens on vacation:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

Lol.. this is op

Pp, you are not one of my friends. From the sound of your post, you have no friends, at all.

This.

- I’m thrilled my kids get invited to do neat experiences with other families and thrilled to host kids’ friends.

[Anonymous]

Are we really arguing about the principle that this OP abound ask the parents first?

Maybe I would say no. But there would be hell to pay caused by this OP. Hopefully her perspective has broadened just a little bit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

I’m not the OP, but this is ridiculous. You do not HAVE to say yes. It’s an invitation, not a dunning notice. Just say no!! If you can’t say no to your kid, that’s on YOU!

This sounds simple, and it would be if one set of parents asked the other set of parents first. Instead, offer parents ask their kid if kid would like to bring a friend. Kid talks to friend and both get excited about the possibilities of the trip. Then friend’s parents have to tell their child that they didn’t budget for another family’s vacation plans OR may have to stretch to accommodate something that wasn’t in their budget. I think it’s great to offer — and assure the friend’s parents that everything will be covered except souvenirs. Most parents who can will either reciprocate, provide money for incidentals, or both. I think this should be done without expecting any reciprocity, but appreciating it if it happens.

What makes this NOT “ridiculous “ is that you’ve created a potentially complicated issue for someone else’s family, and that could be particularly true if the family says”No.”

No. You are the parent. You make the decision. Stop being afraid of being the bad guy.

There are plenty of times where I have to explain to my kid that something is too expensive or teach them that some things that they would take for granted maybe too much for others. It is good for them and a part of life when you have friends of various socio-economic backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to pay bail when they all end up drunk on some beach or similar? If the answer is no, then don't take them.
What about ER bills for pumping up alcohol?
The ambulance that picked them up drunk/high from some location?

WTF not all kids engage in this type of activity, especially on vacations. My teen drinks, but understands how to do it responsibly. We spend a lot of time in Europe so he doesn’t view alcohol the same way a lot of the other kids in his school do.

Ha, ha, ha. You have a sense of humor, right?
My teen drinks responsibly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to pay bail when they all end up drunk on some beach or similar? If the answer is no, then don't take them.
What about ER bills for pumping up alcohol?
The ambulance that picked them up drunk/high from some location?

WTF not all kids engage in this type of activity, especially on vacations. My teen drinks, but understands how to do it responsibly. We spend a lot of time in Europe so he doesn’t view alcohol the same way a lot of the other kids in his school do.

It is illegal for teens to drink. You are why I would not send my kid as you probably don’t supervise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you invite, be extremely clear on what you want to cover, and what you won’t cover. Put it in an email to avoid misunderstandings.

+1

You should be paying for all meals, snacks, and activities. You don't have to cover souvenirs.

Personally, I wouldn't invite friends of my child on vacation and then stick the parents with part of the bill. You don't know the financial situations of the other families. When when you invite a kid on vacation then expect the other family to pay for a portion of their child's bill, you're kind of asking them for money more than you are treating them. It comes off like you're looking for their kids to entertain your child so you don't have to deal with your own teenager.

It is tacky to accept money from anyone you're hosting.

I've literally never heard this but I'm from the Midwest. I've been on plenty of trips with friends' kids and vice versa. We (and they) never paid travel. They did not pay lodging (b/c we'd pay that regardless). Souvenirs/spending money was on their dime. Meals were generally covered by us/them, unless the kids were off on their own. What I described is how it always was.

It's a vacation. Not a dinner party. If the parents cannot afford to foot some of the bill for their kid, they are free not to send them. But, cover everything? No. Just be clear what they are expected to cover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

This is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous things I've read on DCUM.

And for no reason: you just say no. Easy, peasy. Or do you always put your parenting responsibilities and insecurities on other people?

For all your judgment, the tone of your post . . . I doubt anyone is asking you to go anywhere.

[Anonymous]

You should pay for everything, minus souvenirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses.
This is not to entertain my own dc. That sounds like such a jaded outlook on life. Friendships are important, especially to a teenager. All teens can self entertain with their phones and video game consoles. .

If you are expecting reciprocity, then you should not be doing it. You should fully pay for everything. And, not throw it up or talk about the family because they don't do equal for your kids. Friendships are important but you don't need to take kids on a vacation and spend a fortune for kids to maintain friendships.

NP here and JFC with Perfect Polly and her posts. Reciprocity doesn’t have to mean you take their kid with you on vacation, unless you are a super uptight bean counter. It could mean a sleepover, taking the kid hiking, giving their kid a ride, a play date, taking them to the movies (look I know most are options right now but you get the idea). Stop being cheap and lazy. Show your children brag to build healthy relationships you give and take, big and small.

I have taken other kids on our vacations because my children who are young teens really like it and always beg. So sometimes I let them. I pay for everything, but that’s my moto, if I invite I pay.

[Anonymous]

Sorry my autocorrect hates me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to pay bail when they all end up drunk on some beach or similar? If the answer is no, then don't take them.
What about ER bills for pumping up alcohol?
The ambulance that picked them up drunk/high from some location?

WTF not all kids engage in this type of activity, especially on vacations. My teen drinks, but understands how to do it responsibly. We spend a lot of time in Europe so he doesn’t view alcohol the same way a lot of the other kids in his school do.

It is illegal for teens to drink. You are why I would not send my kid as you probably don’t supervise.

It is illegal here, yes. My son will have a glass of wine with at dinner. He doesn’t drink with friends and we wouldn’t offer him or his friends drinks on a vacation like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to pay bail when they all end up drunk on some beach or similar? If the answer is no, then don't take them.
What about ER bills for pumping up alcohol?
The ambulance that picked them up drunk/high from some location?

WTF not all kids engage in this type of activity, especially on vacations. My teen drinks, but understands how to do it responsibly. We spend a lot of time in Europe so he doesn’t view alcohol the same way a lot of the other kids in his school do.

Ha, ha, ha. You have a sense of humor, right?
My teen drinks responsibly!

He does, sorry your’s doesn’t. He doesn’t go partys that are going to be drinking fest. If we offer him wine with dinner and he plans on going out afterward he declines. He has a pretty successful business and isn’t going to risk losing that by not being able to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we really arguing about the principle that this OP abound ask the parents first?

Maybe I would say no. But there would be hell to pay caused by this OP. Hopefully her perspective has broadened just a little bit

This is op again. You need help, lady.

I dont even know most of teen 15s friends parents. They are perfectly capable of speaking to their own parents for permission and to relay details.

Now that I think of it, younger dc 11 has had a friend ask him directly if he could go along on a trip and I had to say no. That parent and I do know each other well but I wasn't upset that she didn't ask me first. Dc was disappointed, and he has very rigid personality caused by a developmental disorder which makes disappointment very difficult for him. But he dealt with it .

This is part of growing up. I feel very sorry for your sheltered children. Missing out on the highs and lows, the temptation and seeing better off than and worse off than. Having to hear "no."

"There would be hell to pay "
Bit dramatic there.

[Anonymous]

We don't take money for activities or food, and we don't expect a return invite. My son's best friend has come a bunch of places with us. He is the nicest kid, but his home life seems fairly disorganized, and I am sure that is the reason my son doesn't get many return invites.

[Anonymous]

hello