When you host a group of teens on vacation:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering bringing 2 or 3 of 15 yos friends on a vacation. We would pay for travel and lodging, but would we also be expected to pay for all other expenses, as well? Souvenirs, activities etc.

I just took my child and their friends skiing..I paid for lift tickets tickets rentals. The families don't have much money. I don't pay for souvenirs. That's nuts. Everything trio related we pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses.
This is not to entertain my own dc. That sounds like such a jaded outlook on life. Friendships are important, especially to a teenager. All teens can self entertain with their phones and video game consoles. .

We consider vacations family time. We actually spend time with our tween and teens so we don't need about child there. Yes, it is to entertain your kids as you don't want them on the phones/video games.

Eh, this is similar to when we occasionally travel with another family. It add another layer of interaction and enjoyment. We also enjoy traveling alone with our kids. We “actually” spend time with our kids, also, and likewise don’t NEED another child there. But it can be fun and a rare treat.

It’s like you’re saying anyone who allows a sleepover must not like spending time with their kids.

You are traveling with another family who is responsible for their kids. You are not. You also aren't paying their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses.
This is not to entertain my own dc. That sounds like such a jaded outlook on life. Friendships are important, especially to a teenager. All teens can self entertain with their phones and video game consoles. .

If you are expecting reciprocity, then you should not be doing it. You should fully pay for everything. And, not throw it up or talk about the family because they don't do equal for your kids. Friendships are important but you don't need to take kids on a vacation and spend a fortune for kids to maintain friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses.
This is not to entertain my own dc. That sounds like such a jaded outlook on life. Friendships are important, especially to a teenager. All teens can self entertain with their phones and video game consoles. .

We consider vacations family time. We actually spend time with our tween and teens so we don't need about child there. Yes, it is to entertain your kids as you don't want them on the phones/video games.

Op again.
I know you're trying to frame this in a way that makes you feel good about yourself by putting others down but you are wrong. Our family has always traveled both as a nuclear unit and with extended friends and families. I find it odd that you wouldn't want to share one of life's joys with others. I guess it's not that odd, since you posted here not to address the question, but to be anti social.

Its not anti-social to use vacations as family time. I want to enjoy myself and not be bothered with someone else's kids especially at other times they are constantly at my house. We have traveled with friends and family and each time its been more of a hassle and we end up with the other families kids and the parents don't take ours so its never much fun for us and given the age difference in kids ours usually lose out on what they want to do.

If you do it no strings attached, great but if you are the person expecting something in return or you badmouth the other family its really not best those kids go. It sounds like you are also wealthy and travel a lot and take expensive vacations and don't realize everyone doesn't live like your or have the same kind of money so asking someone to pay for even plane tickets that they didn't budge for is asking a lot. And, there is a huge difference in going with other families and just taking someone's kids. Its really an issue you need to ask the parents about. We would say no, especially if we didn't know you really well. Those kind of trips always come with strings or the people use it to say how great they are or how bad the other family is as they didn't do x, y and z.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses.
This is not to entertain my own dc. That sounds like such a jaded outlook on life. Friendships are important, especially to a teenager. All teens can self entertain with their phones and video game consoles. .

We consider vacations family time. We actually spend time with our tween and teens so we don't need about child there. Yes, it is to entertain your kids as you don't want them on the phones/video games.

Op again.
I know you're trying to frame this in a way that makes you feel good about yourself by putting others down but you are wrong. Our family has always traveled both as a nuclear unit and with extended friends and families. I find it odd that you wouldn't want to share one of life's joys with others. I guess it's not that odd, since you posted here not to address the question, but to be anti social.

Its not anti-social to use vacations as family time. I want to enjoy myself and not be bothered with someone else's kids especially at other times they are constantly at my house. We have traveled with friends and family and each time its been more of a hassle and we end up with the other families kids and the parents don't take ours so its never much fun for us and given the age difference in kids ours usually lose out on what they want to do.

If you do it no strings attached, great but if you are the person expecting something in return or you badmouth the other family its really not best those kids go. It sounds like you are also wealthy and travel a lot and take expensive vacations and don't realize everyone doesn't live like your or have the same kind of money so asking someone to pay for even plane tickets that they didn't budge for is asking a lot. And, there is a huge difference in going with other families and just taking someone's kids. Its really an issue you need to ask the parents about. We would say no, especially if we didn't know you really well. Those kind of trips always come with strings or the people use it to say how great they are or how bad the other family is as they didn't do x, y and z.

I think you know your audience. Asking another family to pay the plane fare, when they take multiple trips each year to far off destinations is reasonable. And you never invite someone to do anything with an eye towards expecting reciprocity.

You sound very jaded and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

What age do people do this? We have an only child in elementary. I know we will allow her to invite a friend when she is in college and beyond when we rent a house somewhere. And would pay for the expenses.

We've invited her friend and the friend's family (whom we are close with) to our family vacation property. We cover all expenses except gas for them to drive there. It's not expensive at all though as it's already owned and we do a lot of cooking there.

I cannot see inviting DC's friends on a trip to Europe or a domestic city where we are actively sightseeing as a family. I can only see it for the "chill" vacation at the beach or family cabin where our only child DC could have much more fun with a friend/companion. But not sure what age this starts at. We'd then also have a responsibility for someone else's kid, which I am not too keen on if their parents aren't there too.

[Anonymous]

We have taken other kids with us on vacation. We've never taken kids younger than 9-10. We pay for everything from the moment we pick up the kid/s at their houses until the moment we bring them back, this includes airfare, soda at an airport kiosk, we're in town shopping at a mall and the kids want shirts, whatever.

Every once in a while a kid pulls me aside, shows me some money and wants advice about gifts for family members back home. We go shopping. Generally the kid tries to be a good shopper but there is always something they want that is outside of the money they have so I throw that in. I let them pay their money because they feel good about it but I always get that extra thing because I love seeing their eyes light up. At that point the cost is so immaterial compared to everything else we've spent that it just doesn't matter.

If you're going to be worrying about cost, then take fewer kids. I also think there is a supervision issue if you invite more than 2 or 3 additional children so be wary of that.

And make sure that you have all of the permissions, insurance info and POA documents with you in paper form and also accessible via the cloud. You never know when some kid will be walking along the boardwalk eating ice cream, twirl around to smile and giggle at you, and fall flat on their butt breaking the arm they put out to stall the fall. BTDT. The only thing worse than being in the Emergency Room with your own kid is being in the Emergency Room with someone else's kid.

[Anonymous]

Just be really clear with the parents in the invite or even before the official invite what you are or are not paying for. My general rule is do not host events you cannot afford. But something big like a vacation, I would just want to know what I am agreeing to before my son accepts.

[Anonymous]

OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses.
This is not to entertain my own dc. That sounds like such a jaded outlook on life. Friendships are important, especially to a teenager. All teens can self entertain with their phones and video game consoles. .

We consider vacations family time. We actually spend time with our tween and teens so we don't need about child there. Yes, it is to entertain your kids as you don't want them on the phones/video games.

Op again.
I know you're trying to frame this in a way that makes you feel good about yourself by putting others down but you are wrong. Our family has always traveled both as a nuclear unit and with extended friends and families. I find it odd that you wouldn't want to share one of life's joys with others. I guess it's not that odd, since you posted here not to address the question, but to be anti social.

Its not anti-social to use vacations as family time. I want to enjoy myself and not be bothered with someone else's kids especially at other times they are constantly at my house. We have traveled with friends and family and each time its been more of a hassle and we end up with the other families kids and the parents don't take ours so its never much fun for us and given the age difference in kids ours usually lose out on what they want to do.

If you do it no strings attached, great but if you are the person expecting something in return or you badmouth the other family its really not best those kids go. It sounds like you are also wealthy and travel a lot and take expensive vacations and don't realize everyone doesn't live like your or have the same kind of money so asking someone to pay for even plane tickets that they didn't budge for is asking a lot. And, there is a huge difference in going with other families and just taking someone's kids. Its really an issue you need to ask the parents about. We would say no, especially if we didn't know you really well. Those kind of trips always come with strings or the people use it to say how great they are or how bad the other family is as they didn't do x, y and z.

I think you know your audience. Asking another family to pay the plane fare, when they take multiple trips each year to far off destinations is reasonable. And you never invite someone to do anything with an eye towards expecting reciprocity.

You sound very jaded and unhappy.

I would not ask anyone to pay anything and always pay. However I would never invite another kid on vacation nor would I pay for my child to go on vacation with someone who I barely know. Most of us don’t take expensive trips multiple times a year. We take one trip every few years. The college fund is our priority. If you invite, you pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

I’m not the OP, but this is ridiculous. You do not HAVE to say yes. It’s an invitation, not a dunning notice. Just say no!! If you can’t say no to your kid, that’s on YOU!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we do this, we pay for everything unless the child is bringing something home as a gift or souvenir.

So a tee shirt? guest pays
Small light up toy for sibling: kid pays

The only exception is if the item is something the kids want together (matching shirts, for example) - then I pay. Precovid - when we flew- we also didn’t pay for airfare.

You don't pay for airfare!?

Ha, no, sorry, not sorry. We typically spend a lot of money on vacations. Adding extra kids to escape rooms, restaurants, amusement parks, etc., is more than generous. Heck, one quick fun stop for sbux and I’m out $30-$40 for just the kids, no adults.

Not really.

Not everyone wants a break and you just want the extra kids to entertain yours.

I’m the poster to pats for everything it airfare and souvenirs (but do buy souvenirs if the kids all want to match). This 100% is not to entertain my kids. I can do that and they can do that themselves. It’s a massive responsibility, extremely expensive and can be stressful at times. We end up needing two cars because of the extra kids. Getting to the airport means taking two Ubers each trip. Swimming in an ocean means two adults are watching 4-5 kids all the time - even teens. You have one sick or one injured and one parent has to devote all energy on that one kid. Do you seriously think we do this because we want our kids to have a playmate or company? We could just plan a trip with another family if that’s all we wanted - no stress, no expense, etc.

Someone posted above asking what we’ve spent. The last time we went, we flew from VA to CA. I am guessing we spent thousands of extra dollars, excluding the need to rent a second car - which we wouldn’t have needed to do if we didn’t have the extra kids) and excluding housing. We paid for all admission tickets (including to amusement parks), food, entertainment, etc.

It’s offensive to think people take other kids on vacation to get a break from their kids.

Then stop doing it. Nobody is twisting your arm (except maybe your kid). My kids have gone on vacation with friends a couple of times. It's fine, but honestly my kids could take it or leave it. I feel no obligation to reciprocate, especially since we go on very few vacations and I have no desire to take on another kid. Plus, my kids have never asked! Just like they never really asked for playdates when they were little.

Not really a social family are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

Damn, you’re cold and have serious issues.

But, just say no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering bringing 2 or 3 of 15 yos friends on a vacation. We would pay for travel and lodging, but would we also be expected to pay for all other expenses, as well? Souvenirs, activities etc.

Why are you taking a group of unrelated teens on a vacation during a pandemic? WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are considering bringing 2 or 3 of 15 yos friends on a vacation. We would pay for travel and lodging, but would we also be expected to pay for all other expenses, as well? Souvenirs, activities etc.

Why are you taking a group of unrelated teens on a vacation during a pandemic? WTF is wrong with you?

To entertain their kids.