When you host a group of teens on vacation:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we do this, we pay for everything unless the child is bringing something home as a gift or souvenir.

So a tee shirt? guest pays
Small light up toy for sibling: kid pays

The only exception is if the item is something the kids want together (matching shirts, for example) - then I pay. Precovid - when we flew- we also didn’t pay for airfare.

You don't pay for airfare!?

Ha, no, sorry, not sorry. We typically spend a lot of money on vacations. Adding extra kids to escape rooms, restaurants, amusement parks, etc., is more than generous. Heck, one quick fun stop for sbux and I’m out $30-$40 for just the kids, no adults.

Not really.

Not everyone wants a break and you just want the extra kids to entertain yours.

I’m the poster to pats for everything it airfare and souvenirs (but do buy souvenirs if the kids all want to match). This 100% is not to entertain my kids. I can do that and they can do that themselves. It’s a massive responsibility, extremely expensive and can be stressful at times. We end up needing two cars because of the extra kids. Getting to the airport means taking two Ubers each trip. Swimming in an ocean means two adults are watching 4-5 kids all the time - even teens. You have one sick or one injured and one parent has to devote all energy on that one kid. Do you seriously think we do this because we want our kids to have a playmate or company? We could just plan a trip with another family if that’s all we wanted - no stress, no expense, etc.

Someone posted above asking what we’ve spent. The last time we went, we flew from VA to CA. I am guessing we spent thousands of extra dollars, excluding the need to rent a second car - which we wouldn’t have needed to do if we didn’t have the extra kids) and excluding housing. We paid for all admission tickets (including to amusement parks), food, entertainment, etc.

It’s offensive to think people take other kids on vacation to get a break from their kids.

Then stop doing it. Nobody is twisting your arm (except maybe your kid). My kids have gone on vacation with friends a couple of times. It's fine, but honestly my kids could take it or leave it. I feel no obligation to reciprocate, especially since we go on very few vacations and I have no desire to take on another kid. Plus, my kids have never asked! Just like they never really asked for playdates when they were little.

Not really a social family are you?

Or, maybe people see right through you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we do this, we pay for everything unless the child is bringing something home as a gift or souvenir.

So a tee shirt? guest pays
Small light up toy for sibling: kid pays

The only exception is if the item is something the kids want together (matching shirts, for example) - then I pay. Precovid - when we flew- we also didn’t pay for airfare.

You don't pay for airfare!?

Ha, no, sorry, not sorry. We typically spend a lot of money on vacations. Adding extra kids to escape rooms, restaurants, amusement parks, etc., is more than generous. Heck, one quick fun stop for sbux and I’m out $30-$40 for just the kids, no adults.

Not really.

Not everyone wants a break and you just want the extra kids to entertain yours.

I’m the poster to pats for everything it airfare and souvenirs (but do buy souvenirs if the kids all want to match). This 100% is not to entertain my kids. I can do that and they can do that themselves. It’s a massive responsibility, extremely expensive and can be stressful at times. We end up needing two cars because of the extra kids. Getting to the airport means taking two Ubers each trip. Swimming in an ocean means two adults are watching 4-5 kids all the time - even teens. You have one sick or one injured and one parent has to devote all energy on that one kid. Do you seriously think we do this because we want our kids to have a playmate or company? We could just plan a trip with another family if that’s all we wanted - no stress, no expense, etc.

Someone posted above asking what we’ve spent. The last time we went, we flew from VA to CA. I am guessing we spent thousands of extra dollars, excluding the need to rent a second car - which we wouldn’t have needed to do if we didn’t have the extra kids) and excluding housing. We paid for all admission tickets (including to amusement parks), food, entertainment, etc.

It’s offensive to think people take other kids on vacation to get a break from their kids.

Then stop doing it. Nobody is twisting your arm (except maybe your kid). My kids have gone on vacation with friends a couple of times. It's fine, but honestly my kids could take it or leave it. I feel no obligation to reciprocate, especially since we go on very few vacations and I have no desire to take on another kid. Plus, my kids have never asked! Just like they never really asked for playdates when they were little.

Not really a social family are you?

Or, maybe people see right through you.

No, my friends aren’t passive aggressive. They would be honest if they didn’t want their kid to go. And I respect them much more than you’re....YES......BUT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

I’m not the OP, but this is ridiculous. You do not HAVE to say yes. It’s an invitation, not a dunning notice. Just say no!! If you can’t say no to your kid, that’s on YOU!

This sounds simple, and it would be if one set of parents asked the other set of parents first. Instead, offer parents ask their kid if kid would like to bring a friend. Kid talks to friend and both get excited about the possibilities of the trip. Then friend’s parents have to tell their child that they didn’t budget for another family’s vacation plans OR may have to stretch to accommodate something that wasn’t in their budget. I think it’s great to offer — and assure the friend’s parents that everything will be covered except souvenirs. Most parents who can will either reciprocate, provide money for incidentals, or both. I think this should be done without expecting any reciprocity, but appreciating it if it happens.

What makes this NOT “ridiculous “ is that you’ve created a potentially complicated issue for someone else’s family, and that could be particularly true if the family says”No.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

I’m not the OP, but this is ridiculous. You do not HAVE to say yes. It’s an invitation, not a dunning notice. Just say no!! If you can’t say no to your kid, that’s on YOU!

This sounds simple, and it would be if one set of parents asked the other set of parents first. Instead, offer parents ask their kid if kid would like to bring a friend. Kid talks to friend and both get excited about the possibilities of the trip. Then friend’s parents have to tell their child that they didn’t budget for another family’s vacation plans OR may have to stretch to accommodate something that wasn’t in their budget. I think it’s great to offer — and assure the friend’s parents that everything will be covered except souvenirs. Most parents who can will either reciprocate, provide money for incidentals, or both. I think this should be done without expecting any reciprocity, but appreciating it if it happens.

What makes this NOT “ridiculous “ is that you’ve created a potentially complicated issue for someone else’s family, and that could be particularly true if the family says”No.”

No. You are the parent. You make the decision. Stop being afraid of being the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

I’m not the OP, but this is ridiculous. You do not HAVE to say yes. It’s an invitation, not a dunning notice. Just say no!! If you can’t say no to your kid, that’s on YOU!

This sounds simple, and it would be if one set of parents asked the other set of parents first. Instead, offer parents ask their kid if kid would like to bring a friend. Kid talks to friend and both get excited about the possibilities of the trip. Then friend’s parents have to tell their child that they didn’t budget for another family’s vacation plans OR may have to stretch to accommodate something that wasn’t in their budget. I think it’s great to offer — and assure the friend’s parents that everything will be covered except souvenirs. Most parents who can will either reciprocate, provide money for incidentals, or both. I think this should be done without expecting any reciprocity, but appreciating it if it happens.

What makes this NOT “ridiculous “ is that you’ve created a potentially complicated issue for someone else’s family, and that could be particularly true if the family says”No.”

No. You are the parent. You make the decision. Stop being afraid of being the bad guy.

Parents should approach the parents. How a parent can send their child with someone who does not communicate with them or think it through is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

I’m not the OP, but this is ridiculous. You do not HAVE to say yes. It’s an invitation, not a dunning notice. Just say no!! If you can’t say no to your kid, that’s on YOU!

This sounds simple, and it would be if one set of parents asked the other set of parents first. Instead, offer parents ask their kid if kid would like to bring a friend. Kid talks to friend and both get excited about the possibilities of the trip. Then friend’s parents have to tell their child that they didn’t budget for another family’s vacation plans OR may have to stretch to accommodate something that wasn’t in their budget. I think it’s great to offer — and assure the friend’s parents that everything will be covered except souvenirs. Most parents who can will either reciprocate, provide money for incidentals, or both. I think this should be done without expecting any reciprocity, but appreciating it if it happens.

What makes this NOT “ridiculous “ is that you’ve created a potentially complicated issue for someone else’s family, and that could be particularly true if the family says”No.”

No. You are the parent. You make the decision. Stop being afraid of being the bad guy.

Parents should approach the parents. How a parent can send their child with someone who does not communicate with them or think it through is beyond me.

I agree it should go through the parents HOWEVER I also agree that kids will be kids and don’t expect kids to not discuss exciting things.

[Anonymous]

Huh. I anticipate this being a thing as my kid gets older, especially as she is an only.

We are very generous, but in addition to being just barely UMC in a literal sense (DCUM would say we are just barely middle class), I feel like if this were a kid close enough to invite on a family vacation, we could be having an easy and not uncomfortable conversation about airfare (if any) in particular. I wouldn't expect to pay airfare or vice versa, even though I would be very generous otherwise and not nickel-and-dime our guest.

I'm not sure exactly why, except that airfare is a big, *discrete* expense. Lodging and everything else is either not increased by the presence of another person, or at least shared with my own family. Like if it's a beach house, price is the same either way. If we get an extra hotel room when we might have only rented one, still, my child would be staying with that child, so it's not like we wouldn't have received a benefit (extra bathroom, etc.) For meals and so on, we tend to eat family style most of the time, so it would be hard and annoying and feel ungenerous to separate out the guest's expense-- even if they order a separate meal, what are we going to do? Keep a tab on that $37.83? For activities, I guess I could see where you could separate out a $40 admission to whatever, but still...

Airfare, however, is really a distinct kind of thing, and usually the single largest expense per person that isn't commingled.

My BFF was an only, and I was almost like an only (sibling 10 years younger) so we did each go on a family vacation with the other. Similar SES. I would have to ask my parents, but it's my recollection they paid my airfare and sent me with $100 spending money (early 90s) and probably (?) my BFF's parents paid everything else. It was a destination, but it was also like a semi-camping sort of thing with a shared cabin, mostly free activities and we didn't eat out much, so airfare was the biggest chunk. Then she came with me to Ocean City, so she just jumped in the car and we had a timeshare condo. Again, I think we paid for everything except she brought spending money.

I do think it's possible (although not likely) that our parents also gave the other family a set $ amount to generally cover us-- but they wouldn't have broken it down or anything. Again, these were two fairly close families.

I feel like if you trust the other family to take your kid that long, or vice versa, you can easily have these conversations. Unless you're rich, I guess, and you expect to pay for everything all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

Lol.. this is op

Pp, you are not one of my friends. From the sound of your post, you have no friends, at all.

[Anonymous]

My son went skiing with a family and the mom sent an email saying she would provide all the meals in the house and that I should send money for him for the lift ticket and rental as well as some opening cash for him to buy a few snack while they were out. She was very clear. She said that she would be giving her son $25 a day and suggest that as an amount for my son.

[Anonymous]

We invited a friend of my daughters - age 13. We paid for everything that was a family activity, such as mini golf and buying ice cream on the boardwalk. The girls paid for things the did on their own, like shopping. I did buy a sweatshirt because it was cold and I was buying my daughter one and it was cute that they matched. I didn't mind, but that was an extra.

[Anonymous]

Best to make it clear in an email. Mine was invited to an amusement park and I didn't know the family expected her to pay her way for everything.

[Anonymous]

Are you willing to pay bail when they all end up drunk on some beach or similar? If the answer is no, then don't take them.
What about ER bills for pumping up alcohol?
The ambulance that picked them up drunk/high from some location?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to pay bail when they all end up drunk on some beach or similar? If the answer is no, then don't take them.
What about ER bills for pumping up alcohol?
The ambulance that picked them up drunk/high from some location?

What an amazing amount of anxiety you are dealing with pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to pay bail when they all end up drunk on some beach or similar? If the answer is no, then don't take them.
What about ER bills for pumping up alcohol?
The ambulance that picked them up drunk/high from some location?

WTF not all kids engage in this type of activity, especially on vacations. My teen drinks, but understands how to do it responsibly. We spend a lot of time in Europe so he doesn’t view alcohol the same way a lot of the other kids in his school do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, families like you suck.

Your “nice offer” would cause issues in our house because I will
Have to say yes. BUT—

—I do not want to spend my money having my son take
vacation with you Your family.
—I do not want you taking my son away from me
on a vacation. I already have limited
Time with him.
— Thankfully, I also
Have money, but if I did not, you would extra suck for
Creating a bad family dynamic of
Giving him something I could not afford.
— I do not want to give him lots of money for
Activities that he may or may not like. And without the rest of
Our family (see the theme)
— And a really don’t want you to
Be sanctimonious, like you are doing us a favor.
— signed, one of your good friends. You just don’t know which one.

Mom, teach your snowflake that it's ok to be told no sometimes. I know it goes against your attachment parenting beliefs, but life's not fair and eventually things won't go his way. Resilience is a good thing.