Will not having kids keep me physically younger?

[Anonymous]

Not from what I've seen. Most of our family members didn't have kids (none of our siblings, most of our aunts and uncles didn't have kids). They look no different than our parents who had kids. They are grumpier as they age though from what I've seen. They're myopic and only focus on their problems versus our parents who are always thinking of their kid's problems, grandkids problems etc.

I think the secret to being physically and mentally younger is to be young at heart. That and get 8 hours of sleep a night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Research says having a kid will biologically age you at least 8+years. Understandable.

I think the research is mixed though. Mothers having a live birth after age 40 (spontaneous pregnancies,not fertility treatment assisted live births) are significantly more likely to live to 90. Some of that may be that prior to births they are genetically inherently "younger" and some of it may also be a result of pregnancy and nursing. Having nursed a baby is correlated with lower breast cancer risk (and i think it is increasingly protective the more you do). Pregnancies are associated with lower ovarian cancer risks too I think (the breaks in ovulation decrease cancer risk). Motherhood absolutely has its deeper stressors. But it can be protective as well.

I'm waiting for research on fatherhood and I don't see men being scared with 'cancer' to get them to be dads. The other thing moms don't tend to talk about is how terribles their postures are with the hyperextended necks and muscle strain from carrying their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Research says having a kid will biologically age you at least 8+years. Understandable.

I think the research is mixed though. Mothers having a live birth after age 40 (spontaneous pregnancies,not fertility treatment assisted live births) are significantly more likely to live to 90. Some of that may be that prior to births they are genetically inherently "younger" and some of it may also be a result of pregnancy and nursing. Having nursed a baby is correlated with lower breast cancer risk (and i think it is increasingly protective the more you do). Pregnancies are associated with lower ovarian cancer risks too I think (the breaks in ovulation decrease cancer risk). Motherhood absolutely has its deeper stressors. But it can be protective as well.

I'm waiting for research on fatherhood and I don't see men being scared with 'cancer' to get them to be dads. The other thing moms don't tend to talk about is how terribles their postures are with the hyperextended necks and muscle strain from carrying their kids.

The bodies of fathers don’t experience the hormonal changes that the bodies of mothers experience during the months of pregnancy and breastfeeding, so you wouldn’t expect to see differences in cancer rates.

[Anonymous]

oh my gosh yes OP. If I could go back and tell my pre-kid self to continue taking care of my body and myself post-kids I would because I ended up giving everything to my kids, nothing to myself and suddenly in my 40s I'm waking up in this pandemic world when we have more time on our hands than ever before and going WTF happened?? and am now putting time back into myself with daily exercise (thank you Peloton) and giving myself the gift of time to work on ME for once. Yes, as long as you continue taking care of YOU, your mind, body, and health OP, your health overall will be better without kids. You'll maintain your weight, have better sleep, have time to meditate or be at one with yourself, time to prep your meals and focus on yourself. You can still have a fulfilling life without kids. My sister does not have kids and she looks like the fountain of youth at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been pregnant and I was horrified to find that stress incontinence comes with regular old aging.

Maybe. But it comes a whole lot quicker after babies. I can barely do jumping jacks without peeing my pants (after 3 kids).

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the honesty in all of your responses.

I'd like to reiterate that this is really a silver-lining thing for me. I'm not looking to justify a decision of mine or imply any kind of physical superiority. For me, it's been kind of a zen acceptance of my life's journey. I have never been one to buy any argument that something "isn't meant to be," but the things I'd have to struggle with in order to have children have always been such an uphill climb that it's made me wonder if maybe I was put on this earth for other things than being a mother.

I'll add that it's not (at least so far) infertility that's the problem. It's physical and psychological and situational. Something I've been working on with a therapist and a gynecologist but also learning to accept. I'm not even entirely sure of my own sexuality, and it's been something of a pain point in relationships. What I can say is that it just doesn't look like my body is meant to take a lot of penetration, carrying a fetus or pushing out a baby. I've worked on these issues for years but have gradually learned to accept that maybe I should just listen to my body instead of forcing it to do something it really doesn't want to do.

I do believe I'd be missing out on a lot of things without motherhood, but I enjoy seeking out ways to live for and give love others as an aunt and as a lover of animals. Who knows, I could also make a great stepmom. Physically though, I've just been so used to the freedom to be physically active, being a triathlete and outdoorswoman and all that. This is not meant to body shame anyone, but I am very grateful for the fact that I've always been thin. It is liberating to not carry extra weight or ever feel sore or fatigued, to never take any medications, never have joint issues, never have any inflammatory issues or other aches and pains and still be as springy and energetic as I was in my early 20s. I only know one physical state, and to have the stresses on my body from motherood and aging would be so alien to me.

OP

[Anonymous]

Yes, your body will look better without kids. Women who say that they look better than ever post-kids would look even better without.

That said, its up to you to maximize those childless benefits. Some moms have gotten their asses kicked during covid with a house full of kids. My daughter and I have butt heads like never before. I workout regularly but it requires enormous effort as a mom. I have to sacrifice elsewhere to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your body will look better without kids. Women who say that they look better than ever post-kids would look even better without.

That said, its up to you to maximize those childless benefits. Some moms have gotten their asses kicked during covid with a house full of kids. My daughter and I have butt heads like never before. I workout regularly but it requires enormous effort as a mom. I have to sacrifice elsewhere to do so.

I agree that pregnancies take a toll, but I am infact in a much better physical shape than I was before kids. Somehow being a mom kicked up my motivation and made me work really hard on my fitness. It is kind of pathetic really but proving that it is possible to be a superfit mom who can rep out pull-ups like it is nothing helped me keep motivated. Most likely putting in the same effort without the sleep disruptions and extra stress would give me even more desirable results, but I just don't know if I would have had the same motivation. For sure though my boobs would be perkier and the bags under my eyes smaller.

[Anonymous]

I struggled to have kids, and my desire to have a family was a huge reason I started eating better and working out. A healthier me, along with great doctors and the right medication, is what it took to have my kids. Having my kids also keeps my alcohol use in check, I know that I cannot drink like I used to and still be an effective and energetic mom.

Would I look better if I would’ve gotten in shape without having kids? Maybe. But I have no idea if I would have. I don’t know if I can separate the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never been pregnant and I was horrified to find that stress incontinence comes with regular old aging.

Maybe. But it comes a whole lot quicker after babies. I can barely do jumping jacks without peeing my pants (after 3 kids).

Right! But the difference is, you don’t get to experience it until your 50. But some of us mothers have it at 35 from childbirth.

[Anonymous]

Shakira and J. lo are #bodygoals

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and never was able to have kids. I looked younger than my mom friends for a long time, but menopause is the great equalizer.
I’d adopt if I could do it all over again. The thought of old age without kids is just really sad.

[Anonymous]

Yes, obviously you will look better/younger/thinner but obviously none of that truly matters if you wanted to be a mom and it didn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and never was able to have kids. I looked younger than my mom friends for a long time, but menopause is the great equalizer.
I’d adopt if I could do it all over again. The thought of old age without kids is just really sad.

Take some consolation from the fact that old age *with* kids can be really sad, too. I know grandparents forced to raise grandkids because their kids are drug addicts or in prison, elders whose children never visit them or only to demand money, elders whose kids are hateful and abusive to them and even rob them blind.

Kids are a total crapshoot - you can parent well and still end up with a psychopath who sneaks in your room at night to shoot you in the head. (Actual case I handled as a prosecutor.) Or you could have a beloved special needs child whose future after you’re gone will be an unrelenting worry on your mind.

Not to mention even if you gave a perfectly healthy loving child, you’re inflicting on them the fate of growing old in a world on fire where quality of life will be steadily diminishing in the decades to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the honesty in all of your responses.

I'd like to reiterate that this is really a silver-lining thing for me. I'm not looking to justify a decision of mine or imply any kind of physical superiority. For me, it's been kind of a zen acceptance of my life's journey. I have never been one to buy any argument that something "isn't meant to be," but the things I'd have to struggle with in order to have children have always been such an uphill climb that it's made me wonder if maybe I was put on this earth for other things than being a mother.

I'll add that it's not (at least so far) infertility that's the problem. It's physical and psychological and situational. Something I've been working on with a therapist and a gynecologist but also learning to accept. I'm not even entirely sure of my own sexuality, and it's been something of a pain point in relationships. What I can say is that it just doesn't look like my body is meant to take a lot of penetration, carrying a fetus or pushing out a baby. I've worked on these issues for years but have gradually learned to accept that maybe I should just listen to my body instead of forcing it to do something it really doesn't want to do.

I do believe I'd be missing out on a lot of things without motherhood, but I enjoy seeking out ways to live for and give love others as an aunt and as a lover of animals. Who knows, I could also make a great stepmom. Physically though, I've just been so used to the freedom to be physically active, being a triathlete and outdoorswoman and all that. This is not meant to body shame anyone, but I am very grateful for the fact that I've always been thin. It is liberating to not carry extra weight or ever feel sore or fatigued, to never take any medications, never have joint issues, never have any inflammatory issues or other aches and pains and still be as springy and energetic as I was in my early 20s. I only know one physical state, and to have the stresses on my body from motherood and aging would be so alien to me.

OP

Vaginismus? I had that. I wish you all the best!