Will not having kids keep me physically younger?

[Anonymous]

I'm in great shape after two kids but my stomach is never going back to what it looked like without surgery, and same with my breasts. I think that's a pretty typical negative change. Some women have it a lot worse, some better. It did take me until my younger one was a few years old to have time and energy to lose the weight and start lifting regularly again.

[Anonymous]

Honestly my body looks better than before I had kids, because I take better care of myself now. I have a C section scar but even my breasts are still really perky at forty...I guess because of weightlifting? It’s weird but noticeable. However, it took a lot of work to regain my mental and physical health after two pregnancies and most of my thirties I was incredibly stressed due to juggling babies/toddlers and a full time career. There are truly so many wonderful benefits to being without children. My two closest friends don’t have kids and I do not think they are missing out on having a full life in any way. And for a lot of women, the circumstances of life do not allow them to really ever regain physical health after having kids so there is not doubt that you will have an advantage in comparison to many, many parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For reasons I don't want to get into, having children looks more and more not in the cards for me. Is there possibly a physical silver lining to that?

I'm in great shape as it is, a size 2, and my body is as firm and tight well into my 30s as it was ten years ago... maybe even better, since I don't drink as much as I used to. Will my not having been pregnant/given birth delay the weight gain and bodily changes that come as women get into their late 30s and 40s?

I'm not seeking validation for choosing body over kids. Only looking for silver lining in an otherwise disappointing situation. The other upsides of course are more time to engage in competitive athletics and travel and hardcore outdoor activity, but I'm wondering if forgoing the physical stress of children will enable me to maintain a physical peak for longer. For what it's worth, the other childless women I know of various ages seem pretty trim.

You are going to have to due better than that OP. I am more physically fit now as mom in my 40s than I was in my 20s. I take care of myself, always have. Not having kids will save you from other stresses I suppose; sleepless nights, worry, expenses. There are advantages to not having them. But if deep down you want kids and cannot have them-I think it's better to deal with that head on and grieve it vs. convincing yourself it isn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For reasons I don't want to get into, having children looks more and more not in the cards for me. Is there possibly a physical silver lining to that?

I'm in great shape as it is, a size 2, and my body is as firm and tight well into my 30s as it was ten years ago... maybe even better, since I don't drink as much as I used to. Will my not having been pregnant/given birth delay the weight gain and bodily changes that come as women get into their late 30s and 40s?

I'm not seeking validation for choosing body over kids. Only looking for silver lining in an otherwise disappointing situation. The other upsides of course are more time to engage in competitive athletics and travel and hardcore outdoor activity, but I'm wondering if forgoing the physical stress of children will enable me to maintain a physical peak for longer. For what it's worth, the other childless women I know of various ages seem pretty trim.

You are going to have to due better than that OP. I am more physically fit now as mom in my 40s than I was in my 20s. I take care of myself, always have. Not having kids will save you from other stresses I suppose; sleepless nights, worry, expenses. There are advantages to not having them. But if deep down you want kids and cannot have them-I think it's better to deal with that head on and grieve it vs. convincing yourself it isn't worth it.

I'd say these are far more valid reasons for not wanting to have a child than messing up your figure/looking young. if you were fit to begin with, becoming fit again after pregnancy is not that hard. Even if you weren't fit to begin with. Barring any medical issue, pregnancy doesn't prevent anyone from losing weight and getting in shape. Sure your body may look a little different but once you have the child, those slight imperfections will be the furthest thing from your mind. And if it does bother you that much, there is always plastic surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look into the trauma childbirth does on women. It's horrifying and no one talks about it.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

Yes, in that you will have 100% of your time to focus on you and only you. So you can workout as much as you like, prepare food for only 1 person and do everything that YOU need. I imagine that by itself will keep you looking significantly better. And you can sleep when you want. Sadly, though, age does catch up with all of us so you can't outrun it forever.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it probably will help you have the time and focus to invest in yourself and keep yourself at optimum levels. Biologically, there are health protections that come with live births but overall, sure you can devote more focus and it will likely show. I agree though with the poster who said, grieve your losses and allowing for an acknowledgment of all of your feelings is really important.

[Anonymous]

I have a two year old and am expecting my second. I look younger than I have in years -- all of the extra weight I've packed on over the last three years plumped out my wrinkles...

In other news, I haven't seen my waist since 2018 and I am not sure when/ if I will. But maybe I'm just feelings this way because I am in the thick of it (pun intended). I don't have the energy to cook super healthy meals like I used to. Lots of take out and putting weight loss on the back burner.

Whatever your reasoning, OP, you'll have the benefit of keeping your own schedule and prioritizing yourself if you so choose.

[Anonymous]

I think so. I’m not sure why you are getting so many Debbie Downer naysayers.

I have 3 kids and I got back to my prebaby weight. But I’m not going to delude myself into thinking it isn’t easier for childless women. Of course it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look into the trauma childbirth does on women. It's horrifying and no one talks about it.

Like what?

My friend’s anus tore into her vagina somehow. It was like one hole down there.

[Anonymous]

I’d encourage you to keep up with pop culture and such even though you don’t have kids. I have a lot of childless uncles and aunts (and so does Dh) and they have trouble even talking to me as we both age. They’re totally out of the loop with my kids. Some of them like kids too, so it’s not that.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you’ll find much validation for this on what is primarily a mom’s board. Even if it’s true, people won’t want to admit it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look into the trauma childbirth does on women. It's horrifying and no one talks about it.

Like what?

I'll bite. I had a c section. When the anesthesiologist was putting in the epidural he hit a nerve. I felt intense pain and like I was being electrocuted. He accused me of moving, even though I was folded over and a nurse was pushing me down. I had an allergic reaction to the betadine they spread from below my breasts to the top of my thighs. My baby had to be taken to NICU, due to a lung issue. I couldn't go see him because 1: I was paralized for a couple of hours and 2: I had a catheter in. I saw him ~24 hours later after the nurse pulled the catheter (which felt like it was 6' long) out. The nicu nurse accused me of breastfeeding incorrectly and shoved my shoulder down. I forgot about the 2+ hours of chills and shaking overnight. I could actually go on, but I think I'm going to be sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look into the trauma childbirth does on women. It's horrifying and no one talks about it.

Like what?

DP, but urinary, fecal, and flatulence incontinence come to mind..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One piece is birthing and (maybe) breastfeeding kids. The other is the wear and toll that childrearing can have. A decade of sleep deprivation, deferred self-care, diminished finances and all the stresses that children bring will have their effects.

Agree! All this stuff ages you and you won't have to experience that. Enjoy it, OP!