Would marry someone who's cheap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For more context...I am a very frugal person, however I am not cheap. I like quality items that in the end are economical because they last longer. I buy lots of stuff used to save money. I rather have a used high quality item than a new low quality item, and spend les for it.

With respect to my boyfriend here are examples of his cheapness. When he takes me out to dinner he complains about prices. Says things like....are you sure you want to order that? Do you NEED an app/dessert? If the waiter offers me something he declines before I have a chance to say whether I want it or not. If we order takeout and I want extra something say sauce and they charge for it, he grumbles. If I want to go to the movies at night sometimes, he complains because it costs more.

I don’t know exactly how much he makes but it’s six figures.

Oh, hell no.

[Anonymous]

Omg. No way. It will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up I was always told that my uncle was cheap. He would only buy canned food, his car was 20 years old, he kept the house cold so he wouldn’t have to pay high utility bills, etc. He died about 12 years ago and it turns out he was a millionaire a few times over. He also had mental illness and this is how it manifested itself.

DH told me a similar story about his mother's uncle who literally slept on the floor (was too cheap to buy a bed and an mattress) and died a gazillionaire. MIL is also cheap to an unhealthy degree. It really is a mental illness, something like an obsessive-compulsive/hoarding disorder where the object being hoarded is money.
Run, OP, run. Life's too short for this crap.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind marry a cheap guy as long as he is cheap to himself but not to me.

[Anonymous]

Imagine when you need to spend hundreds and even thousands on baby stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run for the Hills. Cheapness means mentally ill or deprived.

Yes - does he exhibit other signs of anxiety? Delusion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm dating someone who I think is fabulous. We have so much fun together, GREAT sex, are compatible in a lot of ways. One issue is that he's cheap. This scares me. I think it will become an issue down the road. I'm financially responsible, and at the same time enjoy luxuries. He on the other hand is flat out cheap! He constantly comments on the cost of things and how he doesn't want to pay for stuff. Could be something as inexpensive as $2. Anyone married to a cheap spouse? How is it?

Pls provide examples of what you think his being cheap is.

Many people don’t like overpaying for things or prefer to buy things of good value and it bad value. Once ina while sure buy a frivolous meal, jewelry or trip to reward yourself, but not all the time.

Just make sure you’re not conflating a value-oriented person (may shop around, looks for durability not overpriced brands, doesn’t waste money) with a cheap person (won’t pay for help, buys chintzy stuff that breaks, goes without for no reason)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good at economizing, budgeting, money management, and responsible is a big plus

Cheap, stingy, not generous to others including his SO—dealbreaker

+1000

I even hate the $0.45 Park Mobile free which comprises 50% of my parking bill each time I take a kid to the 20 min orthodontics appt. but it’s convenient and I pay it. Rip off! I need to own Park Mobile and other ticketing platforms!! Fees galore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like it's a problem for him. He can't handle spending money. The problem is taking over.

What did OP right to substantiate this comment?

[Anonymous]

No. He has control issues and it will come out in other ways down the road. How many divorces are about money?
Do you want to feel guilt for having new, fashionable clothes?
Do you want to have to justify your haircuts or getting nails done?
Do you want to live in a town you don’t like in a house that is less nice than you can reasonably afford?

This is a little thing, but my neighbor’s husband is a cheapskate and in the summer they miss out on doing things as a family because he insists they spend their weekends cleaning the house and doing all their own yard work. He insists on DIY almost all home projects. We have a house cleaner and landscapers. We call a handyman when needed. If they didn’t have the ability to pay for help or he actually enjoyed doing those things, it would be different, but she complains about it a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For more context...I am a very frugal person, however I am not cheap. I like quality items that in the end are economical because they last longer. I buy lots of stuff used to save money. I rather have a used high quality item than a new low quality item, and spend les for it.

With respect to my boyfriend here are examples of his cheapness. When he takes me out to dinner he complains about prices. Says things like....are you sure you want to order that? Do you NEED an app/dessert? If the waiter offers me something he declines before I have a chance to say whether I want it or not. If we order takeout and I want extra something say sauce and they charge for it, he grumbles. If I want to go to the movies at night sometimes, he complains because it costs more.

I don’t know exactly how much he makes but it’s six figures.

I don’t like overeating just because.
I don’t like being nickeled and dimes for condiments, etc.
I am skeptical of Specials of the Day and their pricing schemes. I took marketing class, I know how to price the wine or clear out the old fish by calling it special or putting it after a pricey thing.

You sound like a consumer marketers dream customer.

[Anonymous]

And movies are overpriced at $15-25 pp tickets plus garbage food. That’s why they were going bankrupt Pre-Covid and really are now.

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe in being really about partners’ traits that aren’t related to a good or bad character, but my dad is cheap and it was really stressful. It caused a lot of tension at home. And he wasn’t even as cheap as this guy. No I would not marry him.

[Anonymous]

If you’re going to take somebody out to eat you don’t complain about the prices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up I was always told that my uncle was cheap. He would only buy canned food, his car was 20 years old, he kept the house cold so he wouldn’t have to pay high utility bills, etc. He died about 12 years ago and it turns out he was a millionaire a few times over. He also had mental illness and this is how it manifested itself.

My in laws were exactly like this too- always penny pinching, never going to dinner or real vacations, little homemade presents or none. And even unplugged their microwave each night so the electronic clock didn’t run up the electricity bill...

They all have high functioning autism so took their rigidity to the max with not spending money. And not experiencing much of life; though they would say they didn’t need any of that stuff and look at us like we’re crazy if we take a summer vacation or buy a new 0% interest rate car purchase. They have $2m in the bank plus rental properties that throw off $300k a year.