Would marry someone who's cheap?

[Anonymous]

I was the cheap one, but I've learned how not to be. But it came from our backgrounds. He's still better at being generous than I am.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to provide context. This purchase could be unnecessary therefore what's the point of spending the $2 on the item? Maybe this issue is not about cheap but finical responsible.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend cheap but spends on important things. He savvy investor too . I love simple living so we good together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to provide context. This purchase could be unnecessary therefore what's the point of spending the $2 on the item? Maybe this issue is not about cheap but finical responsible.

Anonymous wrote:Well obviously it depends on what the $2 is for! Everyone here is acting like he should just automatically spend $2 on something because it’s ONLY $2!!! Well if it’s a $2 pack of gum, then nope, that’s a rip-off! If it’s $2 extra on the tip, then he’s cheap.

Agree with these. OP needs to give context. I'm getting the vibe that OP is the type who wants to be spoiled with little gifts here and there or. is of the belief that as long as she has savings and 401 k etc she can buy frivolous things. Her boyfriend may not be cheap but against buying junk just because you can or luxury items just because you can or to say you have them.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple of people for whom their cheapness has really ruined their lives. It certainly can be a deal-breaker. Does he spend money on anything? If he can't enjoy anything without obsessively thinking about the cost, I would dump him. If it is just about being careful and not wasting money, you can work with it.

[Anonymous]

I'm cheap. My dad grew up in an orphanage and his perspective has trickled down to me. Some examples-

-Im pregnant with our last and our toddler isn't done with the crib yet. Im taking a free one of FB marketplace vs buying a second crib for our last baby.

-We do home exchanges when we travel so we never pay for a place to stay.

- DH and I fix everything instead of buying another or hiring a repairman. We watched YouTube videos to fix our boiler last night

-the only new piece of furniture in our 5bd/2ba home is everyone's mattresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm cheap. My dad grew up in an orphanage and his perspective has trickled down to me. Some examples-

-Im pregnant with our last and our toddler isn't done with the crib yet. Im taking a free one of FB marketplace vs buying a second crib for our last baby.

-We do home exchanges when we travel so we never pay for a place to stay.

- DH and I fix everything instead of buying another or hiring a repairman. We watched YouTube videos to fix our boiler last night

-the only new piece of furniture in our 5bd/2ba home is everyone's mattresses

I do all of that and don't even think I'm cheap. That's more frugal than cheap. I'm never cheap and stingy with others.

[Anonymous]

It depends.

My DH is cheap/frugal. He grew up in a third world country though.

I like luxury now and then and buy high quality items. We have a high HHI and don't need to have a strict budget.

The way we make it work is keeping separate accounts. He handles saving and investments, I handle spending/buying of most everything.

[Anonymous]

Cheap =/= frugal. Frugal is okay and support your family, to some extent you have to be frugal. Cheap is not okay. So is he cheap or frugal OP? Do you know the difference??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the cheap one in my marriage. It’s a point of tension for sure. Pay attention to if it’s a true difference in values, vs just disagreeing if Starbucks is a “rip off.”

+1 this is me.

What was the $2 for? One piece of gum? Then, yea, that would be ridiculous. Was it for a small bottle of hand sanitizer? Then, yea, he's ridiculous, and I'm pretty frugal.

On the plus side, my frugality has enabled us to save millions, and we will be able to retire early. We are able to live on one income. On the con side, it has caused some friction with DH who likes to spend spend spend. We've learned to meet in the middle over the years. It helps that we have millions, so I'm able to unclench a bit.

[Anonymous]

I am cheap , I deprive myself of basic needs. I get upset about money I spent 20 years ago on something stupid like an outfit I never wore . It’s an issue I struggle with daily . Most days I don’t spend money at all. But I have a very high networth .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the cheap one in my marriage. It’s a point of tension for sure. Pay attention to if it’s a true difference in values, vs just disagreeing if Starbucks is a “rip off.”

Starbucks *is* a ripoff. Pre-pandemic, I did Starbucks 2-3 times a month (walking, from office, as a way to take a break from work and have a treat). Now I would have to drive from home to go to Starbucks. So why bother? Whereas my wife drives my teenager to Starbucks several times a week and both partake. The disparity is kind of irritating, Little things add up. We earn similar salary, but my wife is the one who spends far more on discretionary items. Like a $60 fake plant for the office that she took over, while exiling me to telework in the cold basement. I've learned to keep my mouth shut, as saying anything only leads to fights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should discuss this with him. This behavior usually gets worse as people age.

Yup, came here to say it won't get better it will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that we need more context. Some $2 things are rip offs and I won’t spend my money on them, and I say that as someone who makes seven figures. I throw money at other things, but lots of people would definitely call me cheap.

It’s possible that the Ops BF is in fact cheap.

But statistically speaking, it’s far more likely that he’s economically sound and conversely, OP is financially irresponsible and spends her money on dumb stuff where she should be saving it. The vast majority of Americans make terrible money decisions, and spend more than they should. Even those with good salaries. Just because the op spends like most Americans do doesn’t mean she’s not financially irresponsible.

All that said, ultimately it’s a matter of compatibility. If you guys have wildly different approaches to spending, you’re probably not a good fit. Lots of people would not blink twice at someone who doesn’t want to spend $2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheap or stingy? You can fix/work on cheap, but not stingy. Agree that it could be his background. Definitely something to address. If you are thinking of getting married, definitely get premarital counseling--money is almost always one of the topics.

Cheap and stingy are the same thing. The differentiation is whether he is thrifty/frugal.

Cheap/stingy: affects others, like a bad tipper.

Frugal/thrifty: eschews food waste; drives cars into the ground

The latter is acceptable, the former is not.