Disappointment that Santa isn’t real

[Anonymous]

All those telling OP that she screwed up aren't really helping.

OP, I grew up in a different religion, so Santa never came to my house to leave presents, though he seemed to stop by all of my friends' homes. My parents told me as soon as I was old enough to ask why he doesn't come to my house that Santa is about love and the spirit of giving, and I understood that. Kids understand much more than we give them credit for. So long as the explanation is told with love, and they know that you love them, that's what's really important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was traumatized by finding out Santa wasn’t real when he was older (like 8). He couldn‘t believe my grandparents had lied to him for so long and was very upset. As a result my mom insisted on telling us the truth from birth, and I did the same with my kids. Not worth it!

There is something seriously wrong with an 8 year old who still believes in Santa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All those telling OP that she screwed up aren't really helping.

OP, I grew up in a different religion, so Santa never came to my house to leave presents, though he seemed to stop by all of my friends' homes. My parents told me as soon as I was old enough to ask why he doesn't come to my house that Santa is about love and the spirit of giving, and I understood that. Kids understand much more than we give them credit for. So long as the explanation is told with love, and they know that you love them, that's what's really important.

OP doesn't even seem to feel like she screwed up, just that they midjudged the reaction. She seems to think the problem is that her DD is disappointed, not that she royally effed Xmas up for the next 5 years. At this point, OP and her DH have probably sat the kid down to let her know that Covid is killing old people and her grandparents are next. After that, they are going to go through what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary in detail.

[Anonymous]

When my 8 year old son asked me “is Santa real” I said that the spirit of Santa is very real and believing in the sprit of Santa makes Christmas extra special for everyone including moms and dads. He seemed very happy with that answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our almost 5 year old asked if Santa is real over the weekend and we told the truth. We’d agreed to follow her lead about Santa in the first place and not lie to her. We never made a big deal about Santa, but played along when she talked about it. She often asks if things are real: unicorns, fairies, magic, elves, etc. and we’ve told the truth about those. She connected that fairies aren’t real to the tooth fairy not being real. She has never seemed bothered by it. So we told the truth about Santa when she asked if he was real.

I told her we can still pretend about Santa just like we pretend about other stuff, and we can love Santa just as much as we love unicorns. We read a story about St Nicholas and the origins of Santa and she seemed to love it.

This morning we were listening to Christmas music, and “Santa Claus is coming to town” came on, and she said, really darkly, “no he isn’t because he isn’t real and it’s just mom and dad.” I said, “oh sweetheart, you sound really disappointed about that. Do you want to talk about it?” She didn’t answer. I just reiterated about having fun pretending and loving the idea of Santa even if he isn’t real.

Clearly we misjudged how she’d react to this, and she is still excited about Christmas, but I’m wondering if there are any ideas for other things we can say/do to make her feel better or ease the disappointment.

We did tell her not to tell anyone else, because kids learn about Santa at different times, and it’s not our job to tell people outside of our family about it. People believe different things and that’s okay.

Honestly, it's better this way. Do we really want kids thinking that "bad' kids get less gifts during a pandemic when there might be $ struggles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was traumatized by finding out Santa wasn’t real when he was older (like 8). He couldn‘t believe my grandparents had lied to him for so long and was very upset. As a result my mom insisted on telling us the truth from birth, and I did the same with my kids. Not worth it!

Trust. There were a lot of other issues between your uncle and grandparents.

[Anonymous]

I had no plans to create the Santa question with our DC but the school, etc., did it and that was that. The best response to is Santa real is “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” It allows the child to decide on their own terms how much of the legend to believe and/or treat as spiritual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was traumatized by finding out Santa wasn’t real when he was older (like 8). He couldn‘t believe my grandparents had lied to him for so long and was very upset. As a result my mom insisted on telling us the truth from birth, and I did the same with my kids. Not worth it!

There is something seriously wrong with an 8 year old who still believes in Santa.

My 9 year old still believes and there is nothing wrong with him. WHY does the world want children to grow up so fast? I am so glad my kids are still kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All those telling OP that she screwed up aren't really helping.

OP, I grew up in a different religion, so Santa never came to my house to leave presents, though he seemed to stop by all of my friends' homes. My parents told me as soon as I was old enough to ask why he doesn't come to my house that Santa is about love and the spirit of giving, and I understood that. Kids understand much more than we give them credit for. So long as the explanation is told with love, and they know that you love them, that's what's really important.

OP doesn't even seem to feel like she screwed up, just that they midjudged the reaction. She seems to think the problem is that her DD is disappointed, not that she royally effed Xmas up for the next 5 years. At this point, OP and her DH have probably sat the kid down to let her know that Covid is killing old people and her grandparents are next. After that, they are going to go through what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary in detail.

Don't pay attention to this.

Remember my cousins and I discussing among ourselves if Santa was real or not around age 5-6. Most smarter kids start to investigate Santa by the time they are in kindergarten. They may not make a big deal about it, because of all the presents; if they have to string mom and dad along, so be it, lol.

Hope your dd will find joy in spreading the spirit of Christmas and Santa Claus to others OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you took the magic away from a 4yo. It brings them such joy. You have made your bed though, so now you lay in it.

[Anonymous]

People on this thread are crazy. OP knows her daughter and handled this as well as she could in the moment based on past experience. OP I think you did great and your DD will be just fine! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Christmas will still be magical for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you took the magic away from a 4yo. It brings them such joy. You have made your bed though, so now you lay in it.

+1 (they'll figure it out on their own eventually).

[Anonymous]

In our house you do not get presents on Christmas if you don't believe in Santa (older kids here). When kids got old enough and were struggling with the notion I told them yes, Santa is real...it is just not who you may think it is. Then explained 'Santa' is a allegorical identity for those how want to share gifts, joy and a little bit of magic to everyone around Christmas. I also told them to think about this for a minute: consider for a moment that for hundreds of years (okay, maybe decades) that people all over the world work together to bring a real sort of magic into the world of children. They are nicer to each other. They reach out and send cards and messages to people they haven't seen in a long time. They buy gifts and give donations to strangers in need. This is what Santa is and this is why he is real and needs to stay real.

From the day DC stopped believing we create a RAK calendar and they is how they now participate. So in our house Santa is real and DC now have to give back and share in Christmas in a different way.

Too me, the fact that so many people keep this time magic and special for all children is no less magical than the story of Santa Claus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our house you do not get presents on Christmas if you don't believe in Santa (older kids here). When kids got old enough and were struggling with the notion I told them yes, Santa is real...it is just not who you may think it is. Then explained 'Santa' is a allegorical identity for those how want to share gifts, joy and a little bit of magic to everyone around Christmas. I also told them to think about this for a minute: consider for a moment that for hundreds of years (okay, maybe decades) that people all over the world work together to bring a real sort of magic into the world of children. They are nicer to each other. They reach out and send cards and messages to people they haven't seen in a long time. They buy gifts and give donations to strangers in need. This is what Santa is and this is why he is real and needs to stay real.

From the day DC stopped believing we create a RAK calendar and they is how they now participate. So in our house Santa is real and DC now have to give back and share in Christmas in a different way.

Too me, the fact that so many people keep this time magic and special for all children is no less magical than the story of Santa Claus.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP should know that sometimes they ask where babies come from at age 4. This is not the time for the PIV discussion!