Disappointment that Santa isn’t real

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're going through this right now with our 8 yo.

I tried to explain that Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas and the urge to give something to someone you love that you know will make them happy.

Thisis what we did. Santa is the spirit of giving to others that everyone feels

Op here. We talked about this some too but I think it’s over her head.

We are going to invite her to wrap the Santa present for her 2 year old brother after he goes to bed on Christmas Eve. Maybe she’ll find some fun in being Santa herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this doesn't sound grinchy but you really don't have to ease the disappointment or make her feel better. It's ok to be disappointed and it's ok to be sad. In fact, it's imperative that kids experience these emotions and learn to manage them. This is part of growing up.

So, just empathize that it's a disappointment and don't try to fix it for her. You, too, need to learn to manage YOUR sadness about when your kid is sad or disappointed or else you'll always be rushing to fix it (whatever the "it" is) for them.

Also, FYI kids are often told not to tell anyone else but most do anyway! Even though parents think that their little Johnny would never tell, lol. Most kids learn through other kids and siblings. But, it's ok.

I so agree with this!

I agree as well - I would also add in, OP, that I think you did absolutely the right thing. In her own small way, she's learned that she can come to you, and you'll be honest with her, even if it's difficult or bad news. I think you're building a great foundation for your kid, and I bet by the time Christmas Day is here, she'll be all in the spirit of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I wouldn’t have ruined the magic for her.

My kid turned 4 in October, so I guess not that much younger than yours. She definitely believes in Santa and we’re having fun with it.

All kids figure it out at some point. No need to rush it.

She’ll be 5 in January.

Last year she didn’t show any hesitation, told us all about Santa and how he does everything, and was very earnest about it. This year she’s been asking a lot more critical thinking type questions about how Santa does things (which I typically answered by asking what she thinks, which frustrates her, or by saying it’s magic, which she knows isn’t real), and then she asked if he’s real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this doesn't sound grinchy but you really don't have to ease the disappointment or make her feel better. It's ok to be disappointed and it's ok to be sad. In fact, it's imperative that kids experience these emotions and learn to manage them. This is part of growing up.

So, just empathize that it's a disappointment and don't try to fix it for her. You, too, need to learn to manage YOUR sadness about when your kid is sad or disappointed or else you'll always be rushing to fix it (whatever the "it" is) for them.

Also, FYI kids are often told not to tell anyone else but most do anyway! Even though parents think that their little Johnny would never tell, lol. Most kids learn through other kids and siblings. But, it's ok.

I so agree with this!

I agree as well - I would also add in, OP, that I think you did absolutely the right thing. In her own small way, she's learned that she can come to you, and you'll be honest with her, even if it's difficult or bad news. I think you're building a great foundation for your kid, and I bet by the time Christmas Day is here, she'll be all in the spirit of the day.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Santa IS real. Whether one is 4 or 94, there’s no reason to reject or deny the joy that Santa brings to those who embrace his spirit.

I feel so sad for your DD, OP. Maybe read this, contemplate it, and reframe your mindset and approach to Christmas. I frankly don’t know how you salvage this particular holiday for your DD, but it’s up to you to try your very best. At least you recognize this. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

https://guides.loc.gov/chronicling-america-yes-virginia

[Anonymous]

You can fix this now if you want to.
Both dr. Fauci and someone from the Irish parliament (?) have assured me that santa will not get coronavirus and that travel restrictions do not apply to him.
There is also Yes, Virginia there is a santa claus.
Please let this child believe. She wants to, in 2020 of all years, for god's sake, there will be packages under the tree for my husband from santa, and I will 100% deny any involvement.

PROOF from a museum about News. Would they lie? Some of the nuances about magic will get lost on a 4 year old, but that's the point this year: https://www.newseum.org/exhibits/online/yes-virginia-there-is-a-santa-claus/


DR FAUCI, the american hero: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/11/20/covid-19-and-christmas-santa-immune-coronavirus-fauci-says/3777871001/

Irish Parliament https://uk.finance.yahoo.com/video/irish-foreign-minister-confirms-santa-143457669.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAGXzZLhTgbiK6myhk8oF049bepHH72k3aj0QwhhLLBwqg8cosBnFlD2mmygWixjqVw0LWpe17p1Upw-EQaBpJLp3TL-kVrkize4jEzbpoZuVYf1TBNZhzejfM5HrnE9eQSxG8-uPuANK0DYHqq5-irxIZ9cRHjsNXaJaKuS-WyAK


signed,
A childless by choice fun aunt who really wants you to have the chance to change this if you decide you want to.

[Anonymous]

How you salvage the holiday? Get a grip, PP. Her kid will be thrilled on Christmas morning when she opens all her toys and presents. She’ll love seeing decorations and lights and trees. Eating cookies and candy. Having time off school/day care with her parents.

I grew up in a diverse and somewhat working-class area. A college town with lots of temporary employees and instructors from all over the US and the world. We had churches, a synagogue, and a Hindu temple just in our little suburb. The overall area was economically shaky and lots of kids didn’t have much. The latest I can remember kids talking about Santa being real was 1st grade, and even then there was a lot of “we aren’t that religion,” “Santa is fake,” etc. But kids still love the holidays! What do you think the billions of people who aren’t Christian do this time of year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this doesn't sound grinchy but you really don't have to ease the disappointment or make her feel better. It's ok to be disappointed and it's ok to be sad. In fact, it's imperative that kids experience these emotions and learn to manage them. This is part of growing up.

So, just empathize that it's a disappointment and don't try to fix it for her. You, too, need to learn to manage YOUR sadness about when your kid is sad or disappointed or else you'll always be rushing to fix it (whatever the "it" is) for them.

Also, FYI kids are often told not to tell anyone else but most do anyway! Even though parents think that their little Johnny would never tell, lol. Most kids learn through other kids and siblings. But, it's ok.

I so agree with this!

I agree as well - I would also add in, OP, that I think you did absolutely the right thing. In her own small way, she's learned that she can come to you, and you'll be honest with her, even if it's difficult or bad news. I think you're building a great foundation for your kid, and I bet by the time Christmas Day is here, she'll be all in the spirit of the day.

I agree with this. We have never done Santa with our kids because we focus on the religious aspects of Christmas and because we wanted to build a baseline of honesty and trust. No judgement on families who do it a different way - I grew up with parents who told me about Santa and it was fine.

My kids find plenty to be magical about the holiday, even as they laugh at home about Daddy being Santa. And they have never told.

[Anonymous]

I am really sad for her. I think she was too young to understand why we all lie to kids.

[Anonymous]

If it helps OP, I never believed that Santa was real. My parents were from a culture that doesn't celebrate Christmas and they adopted Christmas so it would be fun for us kids. But they didn't get the big deal about Santa and why they should pretend to their kids he was real. I still love Christmas -- I love the lights and decorations and carols and getting presents (no matter who gave them to us).

I suppose I didn't deal with the disappointment of believing and then having that belief taken away. But I think she will get over it and continue to enjoy Christmas. You didn't ruin it for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're going through this right now with our 8 yo.

I tried to explain that Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas and the urge to give something to someone you love that you know will make them happy.

Thisis what we did. Santa is the spirit of giving to others that everyone feels

Op here. We talked about this some too but I think it’s over her head.

We are going to invite her to wrap the Santa present for her 2 year old brother after he goes to bed on Christmas Eve. Maybe she’ll find some fun in being Santa herself.

I wouldn't do that. She's a 4 YO kid, not a parent. Keep up the traditions of Santa for both kids. We still do stockings for our kids in the 20s at their insistence. It's fun.

And she 100% won't be able to stop telling her brother that she wrapped the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Kindly, I think the way to respond to that question (which we get constantly as well), is with "hmm, good question, what do you think? Do YOU think Santa is real?" Then if you get an enthusiastic "YES!", you know how to go from there (i.e., neither confirming nor denying).

That said, what's done is done. I think you empathize with how it feels sad and focus on other fun traditions. It may be a tough year, but hopefully next year she'll be more mature and able to process it better. And silver lining that it's a pandemic so fewer/no kids to blab to!

Yes! This is the right approach--you are just noncommittal and and answer questions with questions so that the kid slowly figures it out by themselves... and Santa is not "taken away" by someone else.

OP here. We have tried this approach with many other things and she gets very upset about it, refuses to say what she thinks, and insists on being told the truth. In retrospect maybe we should have tried it again with this question, but, as you said, what’s done is done.

Original PP here. In that case, I think you did the right thing. If she doesn't respond well to "what do you think?", then your choices were lie, when as you said she's asking more critical thinking questions, or tell her the truth. I wouldn't have lied in your shoes either. She's feeling disappointment, which is totally natural and not something to be avoided. It sounds like she knows the Santa story and is wising up to the implausibility of it. Smart girl! It's tough to have your smarts/intellect develop faster than your emotional maturity, but if she's a bright kid, it will happen throughout her childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I wouldn’t have ruined the magic for her.

My kid turned 4 in October, so I guess not that much younger than yours. She definitely believes in Santa and we’re having fun with it.

All kids figure it out at some point. No need to rush it.

She’ll be 5 in January.

Last year she didn’t show any hesitation, told us all about Santa and how he does everything, and was very earnest about it. This year she’s been asking a lot more critical thinking type questions about how Santa does things (which I typically answered by asking what she thinks, which frustrates her, or by saying it’s magic, which she knows isn’t real), and then she asked if he’s real.

The 'what do you think' works for many kids, and it works for some kids for a time, and for other kids it's not the right approach. OP, you are fine. Please ignore the people who are 'so, so sad' for your daughter. Your daughter will be fine; it's all good. It sounds to me like she was ready to hear it, even if she was hoping for a different reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you took the magic away from a 4yo. It brings them such joy. You have made your bed though, so now you lay in it.

That's real helpful, PP. You must be such a joy.

Well, what do you want her to do? Give empty reassurances?

When a 5 yo asks if Santa is real, you lie. Or you deflect. “What do you think? Do you believe that Santa is real?”

It’s the 9 yo you level with, not the 5 yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really sad for her. I think she was too young to understand why we all lie to kids.

Some of us dont lie.