I grieved end of marriage, now he wants to work on it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have two kids that will one day ask you why you are divorced. Even if they don't say it, they will one day wonder if you worked hard at saving your marriage.
Give it a year of personal and marriage counseling if you have any inkling of staying. Try to let go of the resentment and recognize that you probably weren't perfect either. After the year if you feel the same way, you can leave knowing that you tried.

+1
Sure my parents could have easily divorced because they weren't "happy". But now with kids of my own, and a DH that comes from a divorced home, I am overjoyed that my parents stuck it out, and continue to. It's truly one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.

... and sure, my parents could have gotten divorced because they weren't "happy". Instead they stuck it out! ... so my family rarely spends any time with them because whenever we do we can't stand the constant bickering and fighting between the two of them. It's impossible for me to spend more than a half-day in their presence without wanting to stab myself in the eye with a sharp and find the sweet release of death. I wish to god they had divorced -- at least that way their grandchild could spend some time with them individually to get to see the good qualities each of them possess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have two kids that will one day ask you why you are divorced. Even if they don't say it, they will one day wonder if you worked hard at saving your marriage.
Give it a year of personal and marriage counseling if you have any inkling of staying. Try to let go of the resentment and recognize that you probably weren't perfect either. After the year if you feel the same way, you can leave knowing that you tried.

What a horrible reason to stay. When my kids were young, I didn't expect them to understand why I divorced. Now that they're older and have had their own romantic relationships, they understand how difficult relationships can be. OP has already given it a year. That her husband is now making an effort doesn't mean the clock restarts.

No it's not. Many that get divorced don't see the ramifications down the road. It's goes down to the grand-kids.

It forever changes a family and brings unwanted people into your kids lives. Think carefully.

You are wrong. Many people never remarry. Some remarry happily. Get over your outdated views.

The statistics agree with me on blended families whether they marry or not. A small percentage can work, the vast MAJORITY does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have two kids that will one day ask you why you are divorced. Even if they don't say it, they will one day wonder if you worked hard at saving your marriage.
Give it a year of personal and marriage counseling if you have any inkling of staying. Try to let go of the resentment and recognize that you probably weren't perfect either. After the year if you feel the same way, you can leave knowing that you tried.

What a horrible reason to stay. When my kids were young, I didn't expect them to understand why I divorced. Now that they're older and have had their own romantic relationships, they understand how difficult relationships can be. OP has already given it a year. That her husband is now making an effort doesn't mean the clock restarts.

No it's not. Many that get divorced don't see the ramifications down the road. It's goes down to the grand-kids.

It forever changes a family and brings unwanted people into your kids lives. Think carefully.

You are wrong. Many people never remarry. Some remarry happily. Get over your outdated views.

The statistics agree with me on blended families whether they marry or not. A small percentage can work, the vast MAJORITY does not.

A vast majority of people are unable to get beyond their own hurt feelings to be civil and coparent effectively. This obviously doesn't include people in abusive or unsafe relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have two kids that will one day ask you why you are divorced. Even if they don't say it, they will one day wonder if you worked hard at saving your marriage.
Give it a year of personal and marriage counseling if you have any inkling of staying. Try to let go of the resentment and recognize that you probably weren't perfect either. After the year if you feel the same way, you can leave knowing that you tried.

+1
Sure my parents could have easily divorced because they weren't "happy". But now with kids of my own, and a DH that comes from a divorced home, I am overjoyed that my parents stuck it out, and continue to. It's truly one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.

Co-parenting and being amicable for kids and not fighting and being depressed and miserable your entire life is the greatest gift you can give your kids...it is not marriage itself. This can happen in a marriage or divorce. Sounds like your parents marriage was not that bad if they stuck it out. Rarely people get divorced if it is just unhappiness...usually it is much worse...conflict, fighting, no shared life, no shared goals, no love or affection, mental illness, abuse, etc. Your anecdote of your parents staying together does not describe most marriages that end if divorce...and those that are necessary are much better than people staying miserable for life and having their kids repeat that.

Welcome, wisdom. Welcome!