Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm team "hate these letters"

Yes don't send these letters. We still talk about the one my aunt sent one year!

A nice card or phone call please people.

[Anonymous]

Some say the letters are braggy.

Easy problem to fix. Don’t brag.

[Anonymous]

My yearly "newsletter" fills no more than the backside of the photo card I have made and write the family updates on the back. I thought for a split second this year about not doing that but then I thought, I have some good news that isn't baggy (news about DC, their school/accomplishments etc.) and some silly updates so I did it. I figured, people will laugh at it, make fun of it, could brighten someones day, others will throw it right out - whatever. I like updating everyone on what's going on and I don't post on Facebook anymore which is where my family is especially so this card is the major update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Happy Holidays! 2020 has been full of changes for us. Bob earned his Ph.D and he and I both have switched jobs. We also moved to Whoville this summer so we have been navigating a new house, new schools and new jobs. We are grateful to be healthy and adjusting well to our new hometown. We miss you all and hope to see you in person in 2021."

Yes to this! Absolutely perfect - all your news covered in 3 short sentences.

[Anonymous]

Some I skim. A good friend writes a terrific witty letter and adds a personal note separately about the harder stuff (some serious medical problems the last couple of years, for example).

First xmas letter we ever received when I was growing up was from my aunt and uncle--he was a lobbyist and commandeered office resources to send a 2 page NEWSPAPER. On newsprint, with headlines. We sneered privately.

Side note: my mom's family has had a round robin letter going for 65 years, started at the end of WWII with the siblings and cousins scattered like they never were before, with their parents (grandma and her sisters married 2 brothers and the brothers' cousin so the family connections were particularly tight). It will end at some point with my generation, there are just 3 people left from my mom's generation and it's probably carried on mostly for them. I often wish people have saved their letters all those years (you take your last letter out when it comes and put in your new one, and the packet includes photos, newspaper clipping, wedding and funeral announcements/programs)

[Anonymous]

The ones we have gotten so far were not needed because the photos told the story. I can see you went to the beach in your photos so it wasn't needed to report on it and I assumed it was the Hamptons because you always go there. I see your daughter with her trophy in the photo. I see your son won a science award because he is holding it up in another photo. I assume you finally got the sun room you wanted because there is a photo of all of you in it. I did not know your husband got a big promotion though, since there was not a photo of it.

[Anonymous]

I love getting newsletters in the Christmas cards. I don't care if they sound braggy - I am happy that people have something they are proud to talk about! We have friends from overseas who we have not seen in 30 years, but every year we get a Christmas card letter. Their son, who was a toddler back then, is now married with small children, and I have delighted in "watching" him grow up via the photos and lengthy newsletter they send each year at Christmas time.

This year's letter was also on the back of our card. Though there were a few "braggable" moments this year, our year was very much colored by the covid epidemic and the loss of two close family members, which were mentioned in the letter, as well as those things we are thankful for - health, ability to still work, family time. No vacations, but kids were able to return to school, and one child has begun the college application game. I wish we DID have more good news to share, but this year's letter was definitely subdued, which I think most folks can understand.

Believe me, given the crappy year this has been with corona virus, if someone has something positive to put out there in their letter, I'd be happy to hear it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are an MD and DH is a PHD and your family member is making things up why feel a need to combat it at all? My mother is delusional so I know what I’m talking about here- live your life without any consideration for what this person is saying. You are not the only person they are making up stories about. Write a family letter ONLY if YOU WANT to.

+1 I actually like getting the newsletters but you should realize that if you're a Ph.D./MD family with young kids people already know that the family crackpot is talking nonsense when she says you're a drug addict that she supports financially. There's nothing to combat on that front so I'd just try to forget it entirely.

Op here. You would think that but there are many people in the family who are definitely unsure of what to believe and sort of believe that I am a crazy mean abusive mentally ill person. In my case it’s my mother who is the family member spreading the rumors, she’s been doing it for many years, she’s rich, charming, and charismatic and even if people don’t literally believe I’m in prison, I think they think where there’s smoke there’s fire. I’ve been ostracized from 3/4ths of the family because of her lies. It’s a campaign that has spanned over a decade on her part and predated my marriage, education, career, etc. I think it was easy to believe when I was in my early 20s. I’m in my mid 30s now but don’t have a lot of contact with most of the family so I don’t think they really know much about my life.

OP I am the first pp and my mother also has delusional disorder and has also irreparably harmed my relationship with much of my family, in her own way. My own mother is highly intelligent and manipulative and sows destruction wherever she goes, and is very threatened by any relationships I have with other people so she tries to destroy them. And she has enablers. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about this and I just want you to know other people are in your boat. In a way, it is healthy that you want to rebuild these relationships with your family outside of your mother’s influence. On the other hand, you are spending all this time and energy reacting to your mother’s habit of destroying relationships. Haven’t you spent enough time on that? I have. I think this is a problem that requires discussion with a therapist, not a family Christmas letter, honestly. I don’t have any advice, just commiseration.

OP First I love Christmas letters and those who go to the trouble to write them.
Second : my family has been doing this for YEARS that is spreading rumors that I’m mentally ill/ drug user/ Et etc. And that my DH is a criminal who faked his resume .... lol he works for a place that investigates resumes like hawks and follows EVERY lead and I have passed so many mental fitness tests in my line of work. It’s just so stressful to have that coming from the family. I think they are just jealous but it’s very hurtful. I’m sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

I like the quick and dirty overview on the back of the card. The 2 newsletters we got this year are from families that would send a letter no matter what was going on. They’re tone deaf and want to keep their streak going. And this is coming from a family that can’t complain in 2020. But there is NO WAY we’d broadcast that. Read the room

[Anonymous]

Lot of very petty jealous people on this thread. PLEASE please don’t tell me you are doing OK even though we are “friends”

[Anonymous]

Have a sense of humor and be a little self deprecating.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I didn’t end up sending a letter, but I received two and loved them both.

One was from close friends and the DH is truly a gifted writer and their letters are HILARIOUS. I read it twice and it gave me the feels big time-laughing snd sad.

The other was a bit more bland but it was still fun reading about my friend and her family. It wasn’t braggy. Call me weird but I liked hearing they got a parakeet and a second dog this year and that her kid lost his first tooth and her other kid started 4th grade and plays the piano. This isn’t a super close friend but it’s just fun getting a comprehensive update.

I sort of wish I had sent one now.