Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?

[Anonymous]

I would keep it to 4 paragraphs, no more than one page.

I would try not to brag and would be looking to provide an update on our family, not rub everyone’s noses in how great our life is. No references to travel or material things.

We aren’t on social media and had some huge changes this year (DH got his Ph. D, we both changed jobs, moved to a new state, our kids are young so have changed a lot in the last year).

A tiny part of why I want to do this is there is a mentally ill family member who continually spreads terrible rumors about me (that I’m mentally ill/delusional/evil/cruel/vindictive/drug addict). This family member also tries to imply that she financially supports me because i borderline should be institutionalized due to my addiction/mental illness. The reality is that DH and I are an MD/Ph.D couple and make a good living.

I never address the rumors directly because nobody ever brings them up to me directly, but I hope over time that people will realize that this family member is spreading lies.

I also just want my friends to know what we’re up to and why we moved. We were pretty hush hush about it initially.

[Anonymous]

You can write anything you want in a newsletter. However, if your intention is to change people's opinions of you, you will be disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Sure, nothing wrong with that

People do tend to make fun of such letters but I’ve always enjoyed reading them even though I sometimes make fun of them

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine. Frame it as your family having some big changes this year -- PhD, job changes, moving, Larla started walking and Larlo learned how to do a headstand -- and don't worry about addressing rumors or whatever.

[Anonymous]

It is fine in and of itself, but if your primary goal is to address rumors someone is spreading about you, I would skip it. That's not a good reason.

[Anonymous]

I'd prefer to write individualized letters to catch friends and family up on the major events that happened in my family. Family newsletters feel impersonal.

[Anonymous]

I'd aim for just a few quick bullet points, not 4 paragraphs or a page.

Pandemic, PhD, moving, your job if you want, kids cute. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. Frame it as your family having some big changes this year -- PhD, job changes, moving, Larla started walking and Larlo learned how to do a headstand -- and don't worry about addressing rumors or whatever.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is fine in and of itself, but if your primary goal is to address rumors someone is spreading about you, I would skip it. That's not a good reason.

Op here. Not going to address the rumors in any way. But over time I’m trying to just make sure that people are aware that I’m a normal person living my life. I’m hoping over the course of years of doing this that people will eventually see that the rumors are untrue. So I wouldn’t of course say, “I’m
Not in prison/rehab as many of you have heard”. I would just be describing that we moved to another state so I could join the faculty of a prestigious University, and hope that over time people will realize I’m not in a long term care facility for people with violent mental illness.

The rumor thing though is only 20% of my motivation though.

[Anonymous]

Just don't write it from the POV of your dog, and you'll be fine. I hate when people get cutesy like that.

[Anonymous]

"Happy Holidays! 2020 has been full of changes for us. Bob earned his Ph.D and he and I both have switched jobs. We also moved to Whoville this summer so we have been navigating a new house, new schools and new jobs. We are grateful to be healthy and adjusting well to our new hometown. We miss you all and hope to see you in person in 2021."

[Anonymous]

I actually like the newsletters I get. I've seen fun ones on cards from snapfish and minted like: 2 job moves, 1 new PhD fo rBob, 1 new address, etc. Some of them are cute and funny. I never think facts are bragging

[Anonymous]

OP if you are an MD and DH is a PHD and your family member is making things up why feel a need to combat it at all? My mother is delusional so I know what I’m talking about here- live your life without any consideration for what this person is saying. You are not the only person they are making up stories about. Write a family letter ONLY if YOU WANT to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is fine in and of itself, but if your primary goal is to address rumors someone is spreading about you, I would skip it. That's not a good reason.

Op here. Not going to address the rumors in any way. But over time I’m trying to just make sure that people are aware that I’m a normal person living my life. I’m hoping over the course of years of doing this that people will eventually see that the rumors are untrue. So I wouldn’t of course say, “I’m
Not in prison/rehab as many of you have heard”. I would just be describing that we moved to another state so I could join the faculty of a prestigious University, and hope that over time people will realize I’m not in a long term care facility for people with violent mental illness.

The rumor thing though is only 20% of my motivation though.

Honestly though I don't know if a card would really make anyone not believe the rumors, if they were already inclined to do it. It's not like your update would say, "In between getting my PhD and teaching Larla to walk I had a brief stint in the pokey, but the charges were eventually dropped when I went to rehab for two months!"

Do you really think anyone who'd get this card from you isn't in touch with other members of your family who aren't spreading malicious lies? Is this one family member the only one who controls the narrative about how you're doing?

But anyway - I think sending around a card saying how great you're doing is mostly ok. In a normal year, it'd be more than ok. What do we do all these big and hard things for if not to lord them over our family and friends? But maybe this year take a different approach - so many people are suffering, that sending around a newsletter saying how great you're doing might just come across as being a little tone deaf (even if you don't mean it that way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Happy Holidays! 2020 has been full of changes for us. Bob earned his Ph.D and he and I both have switched jobs. We also moved to Whoville this summer so we have been navigating a new house, new schools and new jobs. We are grateful to be healthy and adjusting well to our new hometown. We miss you all and hope to see you in person in 2021."

I'd do something like above. We use Shutterfly and they have an option to put text on the back, so I usually write a sentence or two about each person in the family. "DH and I both doing well, still at same jobs. DS is in 8th grade and misses basketball but has weekly online video game sessions with buddies. DD is now in 6th, loves socially-distant Girl Scouts and is taking online guitar lessons. We are safe and healthy and hope you are too!"