Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, nothing wrong with that

People do tend to make fun of such letters but I’ve always enjoyed reading them even though I sometimes make fun of them

I love getting end of the year updates with photos from all sorts of people. Some are braggy-er than others. OP, I would definitely do this. Walk the fine line of how good things are going and over the top. Then I would do it every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am probably in the majority who love getting these updates in holiday cards instead of just a picture. So go ahead and do it! But - keep it to 4 sentences, not paragraphs. "This has been a tough and challenging year for everyone but I hope our card finds you in good health. On our end, spouse and I both changed jobs and enjoyed getting to spend more time together working from home. Also, we got a puppy! He's adorable but a handful. Hope to see you in 2021."

Lighthearted but "normal" will probably do as much or more to dispel the rumors than a rambling narrative, not that there's probably anything much you can really do. (Any long narrative will be perceived as "rambling" even if you're a good writer.)

If the writing is good, it can be longer than four sentences.

One reason letters suck is because people don’t know how to talk about themselves in an interesting way.

People like our letters.

We write 1-2 pages and not four sentences.

I’ve received bad letters and can see why people suggest keeping them short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Happy Holidays! 2020 has been full of changes for us. Bob earned his Ph.D and he and I both have switched jobs. We also moved to Whoville this summer so we have been navigating a new house, new schools and new jobs. We are grateful to be healthy and adjusting well to our new hometown. We miss you all and hope to see you in person in 2021."

I'd do something like above. We use Shutterfly and they have an option to put text on the back, so I usually write a sentence or two about each person in the family. "DH and I both doing well, still at same jobs. DS is in 8th grade and misses basketball but has weekly online video game sessions with buddies. DD is now in 6th, loves socially-distant Girl Scouts and is taking online guitar lessons. We are safe and healthy and hope you are too!"

I do something like this on thee back of our minted card.

[Anonymous]

OP I would not do it because you don't need to prove anything to anyone. They can google you for themselves and see you are a doctor.

My sister is very unhappy person and likes to humiliate me and spread rumors. I learned in therapy all you can do is continue to live your best life and not concern yourself with what others think. Don't try to to convince them otherwise. I have a cousin who is the scapegoat in his family thanks to his crazy mother. He is well educated and highly accomplished and has a loving wife and wonderful children. I never for a second believed a word out of his mother's mouth.

[Anonymous]

lol if you send them a newsletter they're going to think you're crazy. It's weird how much you want to counter whatever lies that other family member has been telling. Why not just live your life and ignore? CUT imagine an MD stewing over something like that. Don't you have more important things to focus on?

[Anonymous]

We're actually getting more letters this year. I don't know how people are finding the time...we have ben so busy, and are definitely not getting to cards!

I like them just fine.

Since you seem self conscious, I'd consider a New Years/New Address card in January with a single photo on one side and four captioned photos or a blurb on the back: Bob got his PhD in Astrophysics in June from the University of New Oklahoma and Jane started a new job as Sales Director for Tesla in Atlanta. We moved in August! Larla (5) likes kittens and Larlo (3) can write his name! Hope we can see you in person at some point in 2021. Our new address is 123 Peachtree Lane.

[Anonymous]

I hate these kinds of letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate these kinds of letters.

+1

The answer to the original question: no.

[Anonymous]

You seem crazy. Giving a mentally ill relative who spreads gossip about you, information about your life is going in the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION you should be. You need to snuff OUT the fire, by giving the relative LESS oxygen, not more. Give them NO information.

[Anonymous]

They are known as brag letters and that will never change. Write a personal letter to someone if you need to communicate something.

[Anonymous]

This is a great idea. Keep it short and in some ways yes it will dispute some of the rumours going around. At least it gives you a chance to let people know you have moved and if they want your new address then they know to contact you.

I think it's a great idea and you will feel better knowing you have let the family know your actual circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem crazy. Giving a mentally ill relative who spreads gossip about you, information about your life is going in the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION you should be. You need to snuff OUT the fire, by giving the relative LESS oxygen, not more. Give them NO information.

There are more family than this one relative, I think op shouldn't hide their life because of one person. Stand tall and proud op .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem crazy. Giving a mentally ill relative who spreads gossip about you, information about your life is going in the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION you should be. You need to snuff OUT the fire, by giving the relative LESS oxygen, not more. Give them NO information.

There are more family than this one relative, I think op shouldn't hide their life because of one person. Stand tall and proud op .

Op here. Thank you

To the PP, so much is in the public record anyway. My mom can find tons of information just through google. I’m not going to not live my life because my mother might find out.

Her approach the last few years has been more to pretend I never existed, from what I can gather. The most tenacious rumor spreading/gossip/lies were a bigger thing a more from like 2005-2015. However, a lot of people distances themselves from me as a result and haven’t come back.

It’s easy to say just forget all of them, but these were people I loved and enjoyed. Of course I wish there was a way to see them physically and talk to them but everyone is spread out everywhere and it’s awkward because so much time has passed for me to just call them up. I’m also not going to beg them to have a relationship with me, but I’d like them to know I’m not institutionalized (nor have I ever been), and that I have a family of my own now and we are doing ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate these kinds of letters.

and I love them- keep sending them OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem crazy. Giving a mentally ill relative who spreads gossip about you, information about your life is going in the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION you should be. You need to snuff OUT the fire, by giving the relative LESS oxygen, not more. Give them NO information.

There are more family than this one relative, I think op shouldn't hide their life because of one person. Stand tall and proud op .

Op here. Thank you

To the PP, so much is in the public record anyway. My mom can find tons of information just through google. I’m not going to not live my life because my mother might find out.

Her approach the last few years has been more to pretend I never existed, from what I can gather. The most tenacious rumor spreading/gossip/lies were a bigger thing a more from like 2005-2015. However, a lot of people distances themselves from me as a result and haven’t come back.

It’s easy to say just forget all of them, but these were people I loved and enjoyed. Of course I wish there was a way to see them physically and talk to them but everyone is spread out everywhere and it’s awkward because so much time has passed for me to just call them up. I’m also not going to beg them to have a relationship with me, but I’d like them to know I’m not institutionalized (nor have I ever been), and that I have a family of my own now and we are doing ok.

OP, I am so sorry this is happening to you. Are the gossipers jealous? This is the only reason I have ever heard for someone to gossip, especially in such an ugly and untruthful manner. ie: "DON'T talk to HER; DON'T friend HER; DON'T be seen with HER......" ilk. They seem really hell bent about painting you as a bad person. Do they feel slighted that you moved away? Are they jealous that you seem happy? Do they think that makes them look bad? Haters often do not know how to find their own happiness, so they try to hang their ugly on someone else.

Your haters also seem socially stunted. You need to learn to not care what mentally ill people think of you, because their ill behavior will feed on that. They seem like they have some sort of score to settle with you, am I accurate in thinking this? Don't people see through it? Anyone with half a brain should be able to see through such immature behavior. Anyone worth spending time with should be able to think for themselves. ie: not "SHE can't sit HERE...." Doesn't this all seem very high school, stunted, immature and just mean to you? Why would you want someone like that in your life? Mind you, the further you get from them, physically and mentally, the more it will probably bother someone like this - and it might just set them off more, depending on their mental illness. Their lives must just suck, frankly.

If you want to send a well written, thoughtful, short and sweet holiday letter, per some of the recommendations above - ONLY to the people you like, then do it. I would not entertain anything that the gaslighting haters do - don't give them anything to gossip about - if they don't spew sheer lies already, they will, and anyone with half a brain will know. People will tell you what they are doing, you can just listen and laugh. Hateful, jealous people tend to be fairly transparent (however unintentional) in their motives. It all comes out in the wash, OP. You have too much going for you to let such classless excuses for humans bring you down. What are they going to do, call their high schoolish clan and berate you? So what?

Write the letter and enjoy your peaceful life without them - they have zero power over you, zero credibility, and that is probably what bothers them most.