Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is fine in and of itself, but if your primary goal is to address rumors someone is spreading about you, I would skip it. That's not a good reason.

Op here. Not going to address the rumors in any way. But over time I’m trying to just make sure that people are aware that I’m a normal person living my life. I’m hoping over the course of years of doing this that people will eventually see that the rumors are untrue. So I wouldn’t of course say, “I’m
Not in prison/rehab as many of you have heard”. I would just be describing that we moved to another state so I could join the faculty of a prestigious University, and hope that over time people will realize I’m not in a long term care facility for people with violent mental illness.

The rumor thing though is only 20% of my motivation though.

So here’s how you don’t sound like a jerk. Don’t tell people it’s a prestigious university just tell them the name of where you are working. Facts are ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are an MD and DH is a PHD and your family member is making things up why feel a need to combat it at all? My mother is delusional so I know what I’m talking about here- live your life without any consideration for what this person is saying. You are not the only person they are making up stories about. Write a family letter ONLY if YOU WANT to.

+1 I actually like getting the newsletters but you should realize that if you're a Ph.D./MD family with young kids people already know that the family crackpot is talking nonsense when she says you're a drug addict that she supports financially. There's nothing to combat on that front so I'd just try to forget it entirely.

[Anonymous]

It is fine in and of itself, but if your primary goal is to address rumors someone is spreading about you, I would skip it. That's not a good reason.


Op here. Not going to address the rumors in any way. But over time I’m trying to just make sure that people are aware that I’m a normal person living my life. I’m hoping over the course of years of doing this that people will eventually see that the rumors are untrue. So I wouldn’t of course say, “I’m
Not in prison/rehab as many of you have heard”. I would just be describing that we moved to another state so I could join the faculty of a prestigious University, and hope that over time people will realize I’m not in a long term care facility for people with violent mental illness.

Right, I assumed you were not going to assert that specific rumors were untrue. But the point of a card like this is to reach out to people you care about and who you think would be interested in knowing how your family's life was this year. If that is your objective, yes, send it. If your objective is to assert facts showing that the rumors must be false, skip it.

[Anonymous]

It helps to add some witty comments and keep it light hearted...otherwise you might come across as bragging and smug.

" Jim got his PHD ("Piled High and Deeper") in aeroenginerring writing ad naseem about the Thermodynamic of Something-or-other (shhhhh, dont tell him I said that). If you ever find yourself trying to fix XYZ of a jet engine, give Jim a call".

....or something to that nature

[Anonymous]

You don't even need 4 paragraphs -- it could just be a couple sentences even preprinted on the card "2020 was an eventful year for the ____ family! We moved to _____ as Larla took a position as professor of ___ at ____ University. Larlo took a new position as _____. Little Larlette turned 3 and started preschool, Larlo Jr turned 1 and started walking. We hope all is well with you and yours and wish you happy holidays! Love, the Larlson family."

That plus a couple of nice family photos of you doing nice normal family things should do the trick.

[Anonymous]

Why were you hush about the move in the first place? You could send an updated address card too, No stigma with that.

[Anonymous]

These letters are always awful.

[Anonymous]

Sure, I’d love this especially if you aren’t on social media. I’m always so disappointing to get a holiday card when I’ve already seen the picture on social media. What’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are an MD and DH is a PHD and your family member is making things up why feel a need to combat it at all? My mother is delusional so I know what I’m talking about here- live your life without any consideration for what this person is saying. You are not the only person they are making up stories about. Write a family letter ONLY if YOU WANT to.

+1 I actually like getting the newsletters but you should realize that if you're a Ph.D./MD family with young kids people already know that the family crackpot is talking nonsense when she says you're a drug addict that she supports financially. There's nothing to combat on that front so I'd just try to forget it entirely.

Op here. You would think that but there are many people in the family who are definitely unsure of what to believe and sort of believe that I am a crazy mean abusive mentally ill person. In my case it’s my mother who is the family member spreading the rumors, she’s been doing it for many years, she’s rich, charming, and charismatic and even if people don’t literally believe I’m in prison, I think they think where there’s smoke there’s fire. I’ve been ostracized from 3/4ths of the family because of her lies. It’s a campaign that has spanned over a decade on her part and predated my marriage, education, career, etc. I think it was easy to believe when I was in my early 20s. I’m in my mid 30s now but don’t have a lot of contact with most of the family so I don’t think they really know much about my life.

[Anonymous]

I love newsletters! I think it’s a nice way to get a more personal experience into a card, next best after writing personal notes. I think you should do it, include kids’ pictures in the newsletter, and trust that the people you like enough to send cards to will be happy to get your update. You could even draw the sting up front by saying “I know this may be corny but...”
Congratulations on all the nice things and accomplishments in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why were you hush about the move in the first place? You could send an updated address card too, No stigma with that.

Op here. Hush was maybe the wrong word. It all happened very fast. I was also leaving a bad job situation so I was kind of quiet about where I was going and didn’t share with anyone until I was settled in the new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are an MD and DH is a PHD and your family member is making things up why feel a need to combat it at all? My mother is delusional so I know what I’m talking about here- live your life without any consideration for what this person is saying. You are not the only person they are making up stories about. Write a family letter ONLY if YOU WANT to.

+1 I actually like getting the newsletters but you should realize that if you're a Ph.D./MD family with young kids people already know that the family crackpot is talking nonsense when she says you're a drug addict that she supports financially. There's nothing to combat on that front so I'd just try to forget it entirely.

This is exactly my thought as well. OP why do you think anyone in the family would believe these rumors? Doesn't your family/friends presumably know you and your job/life/family?

[Anonymous]

I love these kinds of letters.

But, I’m also capable of feeling joy for the people around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are an MD and DH is a PHD and your family member is making things up why feel a need to combat it at all? My mother is delusional so I know what I’m talking about here- live your life without any consideration for what this person is saying. You are not the only person they are making up stories about. Write a family letter ONLY if YOU WANT to.

+1 I actually like getting the newsletters but you should realize that if you're a Ph.D./MD family with young kids people already know that the family crackpot is talking nonsense when she says you're a drug addict that she supports financially. There's nothing to combat on that front so I'd just try to forget it entirely.

Op here. You would think that but there are many people in the family who are definitely unsure of what to believe and sort of believe that I am a crazy mean abusive mentally ill person. In my case it’s my mother who is the family member spreading the rumors, she’s been doing it for many years, she’s rich, charming, and charismatic and even if people don’t literally believe I’m in prison, I think they think where there’s smoke there’s fire. I’ve been ostracized from 3/4ths of the family because of her lies. It’s a campaign that has spanned over a decade on her part and predated my marriage, education, career, etc. I think it was easy to believe when I was in my early 20s. I’m in my mid 30s now but don’t have a lot of contact with most of the family so I don’t think they really know much about my life.

Ah sorry. OP, you don't want or nee approval of all these people. I would skip the letter to a bunch of family that you are estranged from

[Anonymous]

geez, that's awful op. im sorry. i can see how you'd want to do a letter to mount some decent publicity for yourself. I'd go ahead and write a very simple non braggy letter.