Women: stop treating "skinny" and "healthy" like they are the same thing

[Anonymous]

Nothing surprises me about co-workers. We had a potluck luncheon once and I are a good plateful and went back for seconds (as did a couple others); I did have a generous portion but I had skipped breakfast that morning and the night before was a light dinner. My boss said (in front of everyone) that I was eating like a pig. I was mortified and there was awkward silence/laughter. By the way. I also wear a size 0/2. I still cringe when I think about it. Not sure of it is cultural but she is a skinny east asian lady. Would she have said that to me if I were a size 14/16? I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

Honestly though, how- are you SUPER short? Size 4 is a 26 inch waist, I mean Gisele and other fashion models of the highest order have 24-25 inch waists but are 5-10 to 6 feet. There is no fat on them at all. Do you have an exaggerated pear shape? 30 lbs is a LOT of fat to lose, if you fit into size 4 and carry 30 lbs wouldn't you have to be about 4'10" or a super outlier in some way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also a thin woman who has gotten lots of negative comments about my eating over the years. I am naturally thin and have never dieted. I do try to "eat healthy" in that I make sure I'm eating a balanced diet, including lots of green things. But if I want a burger and fries, I eat them. I don't think of any foods a "bad" and never calorie restrict.

People have been sold a lot of unhealthy ideas about eating. They believe that thinness is something that must be earned (it's not, I am thin and don't do anything to earn it). And that leads to the belief that people who diet and exercise are somehow morally superior to those that don't. And they think people who are heavier must be "bad" in some way, thus all the attitudes about fat people being lazy or undisciplined. All of these are just stories though, sold by the diet industry or perpetuated by women's fashion and then reiterated in families and peer groups.

So when people comment on my eating, I just remind myself that it comes from a place of shame because they have been taught a false narrative. I challenge that narrative because my eating is "bad" but my body is "good" (again, I don't think this, but it's what people are conditioned to think). So they lash out at me because they have structured their lives, their self-perception, their eating, and their morality around ideas that my eating and body prove to be false. That feels bad to them, so they push those negative feelings onto me.

It sucks, but at least I know it's not really about me.

This is so true. I am someone who was naturally thin for most of my life then due to a health issue that causes bloating, and a drastic metabolic change around age 42, now wears a size 12. I eat substantially less than I did when I wore a size 2/4. I also eat more fruits and vegetables and whole grains compared to my younger years. Since the pandemic, I have exercised regularly, compared to my prior sedentary habits. Yet I have not gone down a size or lost any weight. It's apparent that a couple of friends who have always counted calories to maintain their thinness think that I've developed a lot of unhealthy habits that explain the change in size, and can't wrap their minds around the idea that I'm overweight now despite having 'good' habits. It's so much easier to recognize these negative assumptions, since I got the benefit of the positive assumptions for most of my life. We need to stop doing this to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

Honestly though, how- are you SUPER short? Size 4 is a 26 inch waist, I mean Gisele and other fashion models of the highest order have 24-25 inch waists but are 5-10 to 6 feet. There is no fat on them at all. Do you have an exaggerated pear shape? 30 lbs is a LOT of fat to lose, if you fit into size 4 and carry 30 lbs wouldn't you have to be about 4'10" or a super outlier in some way?

A 4 is still slender I agree. But vanity sizing has gotten out of control. I weigh the same as I did 30 years ago. At 17. Also 26 inch waist, 33 inch hips. But in the late 80s i was a size 4 or 6. Now i am a zero or 2. It ridiculous. You know where is a real problem when we have 00 and 00 and xxxs sizing. In the late 80s onlybreallybtiny tinkerbell ladies wore a zero. Or 2. Most of the slender 26-28 inch ladies wore 4s and above.

[Anonymous]

Americans are in denial about aging. They have a twisted view that a 55-year-old should look like an 18-year-old. The society believes women are valuable mostly for their beauty and that peak beauty is at about 18. Not all societies operate this way.

This is where the obsession with being thin comes in. “Fitting in to your high school jeans” = youth. It means your husband won’t leave you for a younger model. But of course it’s all denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

Honestly though, how- are you SUPER short? Size 4 is a 26 inch waist, I mean Gisele and other fashion models of the highest order have 24-25 inch waists but are 5-10 to 6 feet. There is no fat on them at all. Do you have an exaggerated pear shape? 30 lbs is a LOT of fat to lose, if you fit into size 4 and carry 30 lbs wouldn't you have to be about 4'10" or a super outlier in some way?

Yeah this can’t be true. I’m a size 8-10 and if I lost 30 pounds I would have to be hospitalized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

Honestly though, how- are you SUPER short? Size 4 is a 26 inch waist, I mean Gisele and other fashion models of the highest order have 24-25 inch waists but are 5-10 to 6 feet. There is no fat on them at all. Do you have an exaggerated pear shape? 30 lbs is a LOT of fat to lose, if you fit into size 4 and carry 30 lbs wouldn't you have to be about 4'10" or a super outlier in some way?

PP here. I'm 5'1 and weigh 130lbs. My best friend is also 5'1 and weighs 105lbs, she's not anorexic looking at all either. I am not pear shaped, just evenly distributed. I am petite with smaller wrists and such. 26inch waist is pretty big on someone my size. Another friend is 5'10 and a size 8 and she's super skinny. It shocks me every time she says her clothes size.

[Anonymous]

I do not disagree with anything OP has to say. However, do not assume that someone who is slender is this way because of a restrictive diet or even diligent exercise. And if you comment on my body or what I am eating, I will take it as permission to comment on yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a natural size 2-4..so don’t really think about it.

In a natural size 2-4 what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

Lol what? How tall are you? I’m 5’7” and even at my most skeletal was never smaller than a size 4-6.

[Anonymous]

I find it really hard to believe multiple women at OPs work are commenting on her food. No one would care that much even if OP eats like a pig from a trough. What is more likely is that maybe OP thinks they stare or give eachother looks or maybe nothing happens at all- but OP assumes this is the dialogue in their heads or behind her back because they are "skinny" and eat differently than her.

When I was 18 and skinny, multiple coworkers commented on my food and appearance. So I don't find this super unlikely. It was about being young and sticking out in other ways that made it easy to pick on me as much as it was about my food choices. You can definitely have workplace dynamics where one person gets negatively singled out, but you can also do things to shut it down.

Yup. I serious am beginning to doubt the veracity of all these PP that are shocked, SHOCKED, that any coworker could mention eating habits.

I am completely and admittedly a sweet tooth. I am (or was, thank you pandemic pounds!) a heathy-looking maybe even slim-ish 140-145 at 5' 9". Basically every work event (well OK, every other event) someone will ask when I'm getting dessert, seconds, etc. My co-workers will sometimes email me when there are candy/treats out in the common area. Until recently, I was relatively slim and didn't really care (and heck, sometimes liked the heads up!) But the idea that folks don't comment on women's' diets, is, well, utterly untrue. I wonder how I'll feel about all of this, say, upon returning in summer 2021 with another 6-8 lbs on me? And then I'll get told any sensitivity is "my fault" or somehow indicative of "my eating disorder"?

[Anonymous]

In my experience female coworkers have commented on my diet, but I think they meant it in flattering terms as I consume a lot of food, but I am skinny (and healthy). However, it is completely unacceptable in polite society to shame someone for their eating habits. My friends and I never really discuss our eating habits and when we do eat together it's a time to celebrate so no one is counting their calories, let alone someone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not disagree with anything OP has to say. However, do not assume that someone who is slender is this way because of a restrictive diet or even diligent exercise. And if you comment on my body or what I am eating, I will take it as permission to comment on yours.

+1

You really can't assume much of anything about a person based on their appearance. People have been telling me [false] things about my body my whole life based on their [false] understanding of how bodies work. If I don't eat very much in front of someone, I have been accused of dieting or being anorexic even though the reality was that I just wasn't hungry that day. I've also been accused of being bulimic if someone sees me eating a lot or eating unhealthy food, because they assume it is not possible to be thin and also eat ice cream or pasta. I've also had people ask me what I weigh and then claim I was lying when I told them.

The weird thing is that I have had weight issues related to my health, but because those issues involved losing weight instead of gaining it, I've been told they don't really matter or that I should feel grateful for them. I am assuming if I had cancer, that might be the one health issue that causes weight loss that people would agree actually matters and is not some kind of secret blessing. Instead I've just had mental health problems that caused weight loss while killing my appetite. Even when I wanted to eat, I couldn't -- food tasted bad to me and it sometimes felt like my throat was closed. At one point I was losing hair and had gotten so thin that I could only wear sweatpants and dresses (everything else would slide right off). I had no energy and my skin looked awful. I was severely depressed and had an anxiety disorder. I had so many friends and colleagues tell me during that time how great I looked and that they had noticed I'd dropped some weight. It was bizarre. I was so obviously unhealthy and struggling, but there were so many people around me with such messed up ideas about weight and health that they couldn't even see it.

[Anonymous]

Excess weight is a health concern, especially if the weight is on the abdomen. It won't necessarily kill you, but it does raise the risk. If you had two identical people-- apart from one being overweight and the other a healthy weight-- the overweight one would have more health risks.

That said, we are a mostly overweight nation and even so, the average person here outlives a slender person in, say, Somalia.

Personally, I would rather my risk distribution be spent elsewhere than an extra bowl of ice cream so I stay slender. But if having extra weight is where you choose to accept risk, that's fine. But let's not pretend it's not a risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

Agree. Curviness is determined by the ratios between your chest, waist and hips. It's not an overall size issue. A size 0 can be curvy. If fat acceptance is a thing, the first step is to stop sugar-coating the words. Fat is fine.