Women: stop treating "skinny" and "healthy" like they are the same thing

[Anonymous]

As a lifelong naturally thin person, I can tell you that people feel free to comment on what you eat and make all sorts of assumptions too. So so much for that theory.

I find some overweight people don’t want to accept any answer other than you are doing something messed up or somehow restricting yourself.

I had someone tell everyone at work after I had a baby only to bring me “healthy” food after the baby as that’s all I eat (not true in the least but ok).

Also in my life I’ve had a fair number of people after being around me a while say - now I realize you really do eat. Ok. Glad to know you were watching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people can only want to lose weight if it’s “affecting their heart health, causing joint problems, or limiting their mobility and ability to live active lives.”? So people can only try to lose weight when you approve of it? This is weird.

People can do what they want with their own bodies. But passing off your restrictive fad diet as “eating healthy” and criticizing others who don’t have your same disordered eating patterns (or don’t exercise obsessively or take stimulants) is obnoxious.

... and had that been the point of the OP, most people would agree. To me she sounded just as disordered and delusional as the fad dieters.

I am the OP and this is indeed my point. I don’t have disordered eating issues. I eat relatively healthy while also indulging in foods that taste good to me and not worrying a lot about it. I am active and feel good, so I don’t view those indulgences as an issue. I am tired of judgmental comments from my sister, my mom, and a large group of colleagues, all of whom feel comfortable telling me how “bad” my diet is and will make comments about my “weird” food or accuse me of binging because I ate dessert. I feel incessantly judged for my eating habits, specifically because I’m not on some permanent restrictive diet, and a lot of the women in my life are.

Op, you need to get a sense of humor. This isn't that big of a deal. How about you tell this women in your life to f*ck off? You'll feel better.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm... It seems rare for people to comment on what someone else is eating unless it’s extreme in one way or another. If people at work and your mom and sister are commenting, I suspect your diet is not as healthy as you think it is. Weight issues aside, can you honestly say your diet is within the bounds of healthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, people have different body shapes. However, "overweight/obese" is not a body shape, it is a medical aliment.

Skinny does not mean healthy, of course. But being overweight is ALWAYS unhealthy. There is no way to spin it. The health consequences of excess weight can be delayed or gradual, but they will eventually catch up with you.

Being underweight is also ALWAYS unhealthy. But a lot of people are totally fine with others being underweight but freak out if they decide someone is overweight (and it doesn't sound like OP is talking about people with obvious weight issues -- she's talking about average weight women).

Not true. Being reasonably underweight is actually often healthy. Studies show underweight people tend to live longer.

[Anonymous]

I am a 50-year-old white woman, a bit under 5' 4". I haven't weighed more than 128 pounds in my life. My senior year of high was school I remember how happy I was to break 100 and get up to 110 lbs. I have never been on a restricted diet. I maintained my weight at around 118 lbs for most of my 20s. I have put on about 10 lbs since then.

I was always very active. Tennis, swimming, walking my dog, yoga classes, Zumba classes, barre classes. I lift weights. I have also taken belly dance classes and hula hoop classes.

I am just a person who needs to be physically active most days of the week.

If it's any consolation to you, I am also inundated with judgment about my skinny legs, flat butt, bird legs, eating like a bird, eating like a rabbit, etc. hurtful comments when I was younger.

Now I know that Americans are obese and unhealthy. I am physically fit an healthy, not skinny and sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: stop treating body image issues, skewed perceptions of beauty and acceptance, and health concerns like they are exclusively "women's troubles."

There's my PSA for *you.*

-loving sister of an anorexic brother in recovery

I am just speaking to my experience as a woman. I'm sure men have issues with these things, but I've never had a man try to shame me over food or weight. That's why I directed my comment at women -- because I am speaking specifically to the phenomenon of women infecting each other with these attitudes.

I am sorry to hear about your brother and wish him a healthy and strong recovery.

While I appreciate that, I hope you can educate yourself. When men and boys are made to feel like horrible things like anorexia, race and incest, and domestic abuse only happen to women, they feel like they can't speak up and ask for help. Your attitude here is a major part of a very real problem. I hope you will reflect on that and DO BETTER with how you speak and advocate in the future.

[Anonymous]

I am also a thin woman who has gotten lots of negative comments about my eating over the years. I am naturally thin and have never dieted. I do try to "eat healthy" in that I make sure I'm eating a balanced diet, including lots of green things. But if I want a burger and fries, I eat them. I don't think of any foods a "bad" and never calorie restrict.

People have been sold a lot of unhealthy ideas about eating. They believe that thinness is something that must be earned (it's not, I am thin and don't do anything to earn it). And that leads to the belief that people who diet and exercise are somehow morally superior to those that don't. And they think people who are heavier must be "bad" in some way, thus all the attitudes about fat people being lazy or undisciplined. All of these are just stories though, sold by the diet industry or perpetuated by women's fashion and then reiterated in families and peer groups.

So when people comment on my eating, I just remind myself that it comes from a place of shame because they have been taught a false narrative. I challenge that narrative because my eating is "bad" but my body is "good" (again, I don't think this, but it's what people are conditioned to think). So they lash out at me because they have structured their lives, their self-perception, their eating, and their morality around ideas that my eating and body prove to be false. That feels bad to them, so they push those negative feelings onto me.

It sucks, but at least I know it's not really about me.

[Anonymous]

Sir Mix-a-lot wrote an anthem to this very concept called "Baby Got Back." So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playing workout tapes by Fonda?

[Anonymous]

OP if you're 135 pounds and you are in good health, then tell people to MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're 135 pounds and you are in good health, then tell people to MYOB.

If you're 200 lbs and not in good health, tell them the same thing! It's no one else's business. At work, this sounds potentially like a bullying thing as much as a food thing. Don't discuss food and don't let them get any kind of response out of you. Make them trying to discuss food with you as boring as possible. Respond with silence, shrugs, "I guess/okay/huh." Nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're 135 pounds and you are in good health, then tell people to MYOB.

If you're 200 lbs and not in good health, tell them the same thing! It's no one else's business. At work, this sounds potentially like a bullying thing as much as a food thing. Don't discuss food and don't let them get any kind of response out of you. Make them trying to discuss food with you as boring as possible. Respond with silence, shrugs, "I guess/okay/huh." Nothing more.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you get this from your mom and sister, why is this a racial thing?

I am white and every woman I know who is like this is also white (and UMC). My workplace is diverse but it is the white ladies who obsess about food in this way. And they also seem to have more restrictive ideas about what a “healthy” body looks like. I don’t presume to speak for women of color. I have just noticed this is a real issue among groups of white women.

This is from a few pages back, but as a black woman I did want to add some clarity here. While I do agree that the black community isn’t as committed to the idea that thinness = beauty, there is some drop off once you get to the UMC. There’s definitely a cultural expectation among UMC black men that women will be “thinner” and in shape. A size 8 is fine, but you have to be toned. Size 2s and 4s abound. Lots of talk among women about Pelotons and “snapping back” after having a baby. A woman who consistently indulges in treat foods (French toast, desserts, fried foods) would probably be perceived as someone who didn’t take her health seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're 135 pounds and you are in good health, then tell people to MYOB.

If you're 200 lbs and not in good health, tell them the same thing! It's no one else's business. At work, this sounds potentially like a bullying thing as much as a food thing. Don't discuss food and don't let them get any kind of response out of you. Make them trying to discuss food with you as boring as possible. Respond with silence, shrugs, "I guess/okay/huh." Nothing more.

+2

I find it really hard to believe multiple women at OPs work are commenting on her food. No one would care that much even if OP eats like a pig from a trough. What is more likely is that maybe OP thinks they stare or give eachother looks or maybe nothing happens at all- but OP assumes this is the dialogue in their heads or behind her back because they are "skinny" and eat differently than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're 135 pounds and you are in good health, then tell people to MYOB.

If you're 200 lbs and not in good health, tell them the same thing! It's no one else's business. At work, this sounds potentially like a bullying thing as much as a food thing. Don't discuss food and don't let them get any kind of response out of you. Make them trying to discuss food with you as boring as possible. Respond with silence, shrugs, "I guess/okay/huh." Nothing more.

+2

I find it really hard to believe multiple women at OPs work are commenting on her food. No one would care that much even if OP eats like a pig from a trough. What is more likely is that maybe OP thinks they stare or give eachother looks or maybe nothing happens at all- but OP assumes this is the dialogue in their heads or behind her back because they are "skinny" and eat differently than her.

When I was 18 and skinny, multiple coworkers commented on my food and appearance. So I don't find this super unlikely. It was about being young and sticking out in other ways that made it easy to pick on me as much as it was about my food choices. You can definitely have workplace dynamics where one person gets negatively singled out, but you can also do things to shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're 135 pounds and you are in good health, then tell people to MYOB.

If you're 200 lbs and not in good health, tell them the same thing! It's no one else's business. At work, this sounds potentially like a bullying thing as much as a food thing. Don't discuss food and don't let them get any kind of response out of you. Make them trying to discuss food with you as boring as possible. Respond with silence, shrugs, "I guess/okay/huh." Nothing more.

+2

I find it really hard to believe multiple women at OPs work are commenting on her food. No one would care that much even if OP eats like a pig from a trough. What is more likely is that maybe OP thinks they stare or give eachother looks or maybe nothing happens at all- but OP assumes this is the dialogue in their heads or behind her back because they are "skinny" and eat differently than her.

When I was 18 and skinny, multiple coworkers commented on my food and appearance. So I don't find this super unlikely. It was about being young and sticking out in other ways that made it easy to pick on me as much as it was about my food choices. You can definitely have workplace dynamics where one person gets negatively singled out, but you can also do things to shut it down.

But it is socially more acceptable/tolerated to comment on thin people and what they eat. It is not socially acceptable to do this is someone is overweight, because "fat shaming"