Women: stop treating "skinny" and "healthy" like they are the same thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people can only want to lose weight if it’s “affecting their heart health, causing joint problems, or limiting their mobility and ability to live active lives.”? So people can only try to lose weight when you approve of it? This is weird.

People can do what they want with their own bodies. But passing off your restrictive fad diet as “eating healthy” and criticizing others who don’t have your same disordered eating patterns (or don’t exercise obsessively or take stimulants) is obnoxious.

... and had that been the point of the OP, most people would agree. To me she sounded just as disordered and delusional as the fad dieters.

I am the OP and this is indeed my point. I don’t have disordered eating issues. I eat relatively healthy while also indulging in foods that taste good to me and not worrying a lot about it. I am active and feel good, so I don’t view those indulgences as an issue. I am tired of judgmental comments from my sister, my mom, and a large group of colleagues, all of whom feel comfortable telling me how “bad” my diet is and will make comments about my “weird” food or accuse me of binging because I ate dessert. I feel incessantly judged for my eating habits, specifically because I’m not on some permanent restrictive diet, and a lot of the women in my life are.

What does an average day of meals look like for you?

[Anonymous]

Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

[Anonymous]

You need to figure out why it bothers you, and then work on letting it roll off of you. I am a very active person, so I tend to graze. A coworker joked that she had never seen me at a meeting without food (we have lots of meetings.) I thought about it and realized she was right. We joke about it now. No shame in my snack game. I àlso have a well documented love of snack cakes and post about it on FB. My diet is good overall. My public position is that when you are active and your diet is basicalły good, treats are ok.

I lost some weight the last few months and a friend seemed upset about it. She said I didn't need to lose weight. I gained 15 lbs at age 40 and my bmi was higher than I like. So I was happy with the loss. She tends to be competitive with other women so I ignored her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

Don’t tell the OP that. Apparently it’s disordered to want to be a size 4. Americans are fat and we all have to like it.

[Anonymous]

How overweight are you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: stop treating body image issues, skewed perceptions of beauty and acceptance, and health concerns like they are exclusively "women's troubles."

There's my PSA for *you.*

-loving sister of an anorexic brother in recovery

I am just speaking to my experience as a woman. I'm sure men have issues with these things, but I've never had a man try to shame me over food or weight. That's why I directed my comment at women -- because I am speaking specifically to the phenomenon of women infecting each other with these attitudes.

I am sorry to hear about your brother and wish him a healthy and strong recovery.

While I appreciate that, I hope you can educate yourself. When men and boys are made to feel like horrible things like anorexia, race and incest, and domestic abuse only happen to women, they feel like they can't speak up and ask for help. Your attitude here is a major part of a very real problem. I hope you will reflect on that and DO BETTER with how you speak and advocate in the future.

Go start your own thread if you want to talk about male anorexia (and only 10-15% of anorectics are men). This thread is about OP’s experience as a WOMAN with other WOMEN. We don’t have to include men in every damn discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, people have different body shapes. However, "overweight/obese" is not a body shape, it is a medical aliment.

Skinny does not mean healthy, of course. But being overweight is ALWAYS unhealthy. There is no way to spin it. The health consequences of excess weight can be delayed or gradual, but they will eventually catch up with you.

Being underweight is also ALWAYS unhealthy. But a lot of people are totally fine with others being underweight but freak out if they decide someone is overweight (and it doesn't sound like OP is talking about people with obvious weight issues -- she's talking about average weight women).

The "average" weight woman is way overweight. Average size in the US is a 16/18. That is terrible and unhealthy. OP isn't talking about women that are clinically underweight- she is talking about women who are a size 2-4, which is what she stated. That is not underweight, just a lot thinner than OP is sounds.

+1 not to mention, actual clinical "underweight"ness is exceedingly rare. Less than 2% of Americans over the age of 20 are underweight. The number who are overweight? 72%. Obese? 39%. It's not comparable at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So people can only want to lose weight if it’s “affecting their heart health, causing joint problems, or limiting their mobility and ability to live active lives.”? So people can only try to lose weight when you approve of it? This is weird.

People can do what they want with their own bodies. But passing off your restrictive fad diet as “eating healthy” and criticizing others who don’t have your same disordered eating patterns (or don’t exercise obsessively or take stimulants) is obnoxious.

... and had that been the point of the OP, most people would agree. To me she sounded just as disordered and delusional as the fad dieters.

I am the OP and this is indeed my point. I don’t have disordered eating issues. I eat relatively healthy while also indulging in foods that taste good to me and not worrying a lot about it. I am active and feel good, so I don’t view those indulgences as an issue. I am tired of judgmental comments from my sister, my mom, and a large group of colleagues, all of whom feel comfortable telling me how “bad” my diet is and will make comments about my “weird” food or accuse me of binging because I ate dessert. I feel incessantly judged for my eating habits, specifically because I’m not on some permanent restrictive diet, and a lot of the women in my life are.

That sucks, OP. I feel for you. And FWIW I am totally someone who restricts and works out more than I need to do I can lose the same 3-4 lbs over and over and yeah it is messed up and a result of the diet culture I have been fed since I was 10. So I hear you, and you are pretty spot on. I don’t push it on other people and am actively working to fix my own issues but you are not wrong. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also a thin woman who has gotten lots of negative comments about my eating over the years. I am naturally thin and have never dieted. I do try to "eat healthy" in that I make sure I'm eating a balanced diet, including lots of green things. But if I want a burger and fries, I eat them. I don't think of any foods a "bad" and never calorie restrict.

People have been sold a lot of unhealthy ideas about eating. They believe that thinness is something that must be earned (it's not, I am thin and don't do anything to earn it). And that leads to the belief that people who diet and exercise are somehow morally superior to those that don't. And they think people who are heavier must be "bad" in some way, thus all the attitudes about fat people being lazy or undisciplined. All of these are just stories though, sold by the diet industry or perpetuated by women's fashion and then reiterated in families and peer groups.

So when people comment on my eating, I just remind myself that it comes from a place of shame because they have been taught a false narrative. I challenge that narrative because my eating is "bad" but my body is "good" (again, I don't think this, but it's what people are conditioned to think). So they lash out at me because they have structured their lives, their self-perception, their eating, and their morality around ideas that my eating and body prove to be false. That feels bad to them, so they push those negative feelings onto me.

It sucks, but at least I know it's not really about me.

+1 OP, you need to learn to tune them out, especially your co-workers. Your work environment sounds completely bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're 135 pounds and you are in good health, then tell people to MYOB.

If you're 200 lbs and not in good health, tell them the same thing! It's no one else's business. At work, this sounds potentially like a bullying thing as much as a food thing. Don't discuss food and don't let them get any kind of response out of you. Make them trying to discuss food with you as boring as possible. Respond with silence, shrugs, "I guess/okay/huh." Nothing more.

+2

I find it really hard to believe multiple women at OPs work are commenting on her food. No one would care that much even if OP eats like a pig from a trough. What is more likely is that maybe OP thinks they stare or give eachother looks or maybe nothing happens at all- but OP assumes this is the dialogue in their heads or behind her back because they are "skinny" and eat differently than her.

Yeah, I’m perplexed by this thread. My diet isn’t amazing, and I’ll be the first to admit it. I have no issue eating candy at work, ordering a burger and fries when out with friends or family, or grabbing a piece of cake at a birthday party, etc. I’m 5’5” and 145, so on the high end of healthy weight (if we consider BMI to be a valid measure of that). I am also a UMC white woman. I don’t get comments like the ones OP receives. Ever. I guess I can kind of see the comments from family happening, because some families are just weird like that about this thing, but from coworkers? Utterly bizarre. Sounds like a toxic workplace. By using words such as “phenomenon” OP is to generalizing this as a societal women’s issue but to me it seems like this is more an issue with the specific group of people she spends her time with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop normalizing obesity as "curviness"

This. A 2 or a 4 isn’t even skinny. I’m a size 4 and could easily lose 30 lbs

Don’t tell the OP that. Apparently it’s disordered to want to be a size 4. Americans are fat and we all have to like it.

Actually you both just proved what OP is claiming.

Op,

I here you. I used to be obsessive about what I ate. I was relatively thin, but unhealthy and miserable. So now I eat. I eat healthy overall but yes I eat a piece of candy. And have had white women belittle me for doing so. And we are talking about eating a miniature piece of candy. I think honestly a lot of women walk around hungry and obsessed about food all day. It does not mean all skinny women are unhealthy. There are tons of healthy, thin women. But also some unhealthy ones that are not happy unless everyone eats like them.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, OP. I used to have an eating disorder, so it’s easy for me to recognize this behavior in others. And many, many white women have eating disorders and instead claim that they’re being “healthy.” When they are so mentally unhealthy.

A coworker recently lost a ton of weight to where she is barely recognizable and keeps talking about how she’s “being healthy now.” She also told me she passes out at least once a day. That doesn’t sound healthy to me at all.

[Anonymous]

In a natural size 2-4..so don’t really think about it.

[Anonymous]

Nothing surprises me about co-workers. We had a potluck luncheon once and I are a good plateful and went back for seconds (as did a couple others); I did have a generous portion but I had skipped breakfast that morning and the night before was a light dinner. My boss said (in front of everyone) that I was eating like a pig. I was mortified and there was awkward silence/laughter. By the way. I also wear a size 0/2. I still cringe when I think about it. Not sure of it is cultural but she is a skinny east asian lady. Would she have said that to me if I were a size 14/16? I don't know.