My wife just went into labor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It took me 9 years to get out of the red in sick leave as a Fed mom with 2 kids.
The last 2 years in the red, I only visited a CVS minute clinic next to the office on my lunch break for my own needs and Saturday morning appointments for my kids, and used half the vacation time I was entitled to for actual vacation because I was using it to care for my sick kids at home.

Also, being in the red that whole time reflected badly on me as an employee and hurt my opportunities more than once.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand why the father needs to get paid time off? The mother is the one recovering.

He's caring for wife and baby. Like how grandmas used to help back in the day. I couldn't move the first few days after birth. And I nursed every 2 hours round the clock so didn't get more than 2 hours of sleep for a month or two (sleep deprivation affected my ability to drive and carry on conversations). I think 6 weeks is sufficient though... I personally think men should do 6 weeks and then when wife returns back to work, another 6 weeks. I don't think feds can split up leave though like that.

Feds can split it up. Both before and after Oct. 1 with the 12 weeks paid. For the latter, you have a year to use it.

[Anonymous]

My husband never had paternity leave. Went back to work the next day after all 3 of my kids were born. The last 2 I waited until he was done work to “push” the baby out. Trust me, I was happy he wasn’t around the first few weeks. I was definitely not pleasant to be around.

[PaidParentalLeave]

I put together a document (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mMeFVZ4dmAnpgyy1w-wfqiUUeAmfo-4p/view?usp=sharing) with arguments supporting the idea of retroactive paid parental leave for federal employees; that is, arguments for extending the upcoming paid parental leave to cover births between December 20, 2019 (the date the 2020 NDAA passed) and September 30, 2020. I think it is unlikely at this point that Congress will pass any legislation supporting the idea of retroactive parental leave, but it never hurts to reach out to your representatives and senators. I also suggest appealing to leadership at your own agency to see whether it is possible to create a new category of leave to cover these new parents. While I don't think this is possible, independent agencies like the FAA and the FDIC did it, so maybe there is hope. Either way, I think it is an important conversation to have since this affects approximately 50000 federal employees. The document touches on a lot of issues, such as:

* the FEPLA diverges from existing paid parental leave programs,
* maternal and paternal health suffers during the pandemic,
* the fear new parents have of COVID-19,
* the uneven implementation of existing OPM guidance for caregivers,
* the FEPLA harms retention,
* Congress members support retroactive leave,
* other agencies offer paid parental leave, and
* estimated costs.

While my short document cannot elucidate the problem as well as things like a huge study by the UK government (https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm5801/cmselect/cmpetitions/526/52602.htm) can do, I hope this gets across the point that new parents are suffering and could benefit from the leave. Even without the pandemic, a good argument can be made that the law was written poorly and should cover parents from the day it passed in December 2019.

Also, if you are not a federal employee, many of the arguments and references are useful for trying to get paid parental leave implemented at your own employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband never had paternity leave. Went back to work the next day after all 3 of my kids were born. The last 2 I waited until he was done work to “push” the baby out. Trust me, I was happy he wasn’t around the first few weeks. I was definitely not pleasant to be around.

That sucks. I’m sorry you feel you have to justify how him not having paternity leave wasn’t that bad because you were “not pleasant to be around” those first few weeks anyway. That’s a really sad reflection of our terrible parental leave policies in this country. New parents should be with their babies. New mothers need another adult around to help and support them those first few weeks. New fathers should want to spend that time helping, supporting their partner and bonding with their new baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand why the father needs to get paid time off? The mother is the one recovering.

He's caring for wife and baby. Like how grandmas used to help back in the day. I couldn't move the first few days after birth. And I nursed every 2 hours round the clock so didn't get more than 2 hours of sleep for a month or two (sleep deprivation affected my ability to drive and carry on conversations). I think 6 weeks is sufficient though... I personally think men should do 6 weeks and then when wife returns back to work, another 6 weeks. I don't think feds can split up leave though like that.

Feds can split it up. Both before and after Oct. 1 with the 12 weeks paid. For the latter, you have a year to use it.

Unfortunately you cannot. That baby has to be born on or after 1 October to take any of the paid leave that is separate from your stored annual or sick leave. We tried to get the paid leave for the part of the initial 12 weeks that fell after 1 October for one of my employees who delivered in late August. Nope. OP can use up to 8 weeks of sick leave to care for the wife who had a c-section, but he would have to have that in the bank.

[Anonymous]

Ugh sorry, OP. That does really suck, especially since you were expecting to be able to use it. Does your Agency have a voluntary leave bank? Particularly with so many people cancelling vacations, it should be well-funded this year. I think the birth of a child is a qualifying event that allows you to join if you are not already in there (but this depeneds on your Agency's policies).

[Anonymous]

My DH literally took half a day off for DC1’s birth. He wasn’t a Fed then, but is now.
I don’t remember wishing he were there more because it would not have helped. My mom was helping me. DH never did become competent at caring for our newborns. We stopped at 2.
Divorced now, but if DH remarries and has another kid, I am 99 percent sure he will take the 12 weeks pretty much as a vacay.

[Anonymous]

now you feel a bit of the lack of benefits that exist in the private sector, where the other 95% of us work.

[Anonymous]

You should have planned better.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Baby and mom are doing great! Thanks for the kind words. It sucks I can't spend more time with this little girl. She is too damn cute. Hard to be mad at the world when you stare at her, ya know? Guess I'll be back in the office in two weeks because that's all the leave I have to spare. Hope I don't catch COVID Can anyone say how bad it would be if my baby caught it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Baby and mom are doing great! Thanks for the kind words. It sucks I can't spend more time with this little girl. She is too damn cute. Hard to be mad at the world when you stare at her, ya know? Guess I'll be back in the office in two weeks because that's all the leave I have to spare. Hope I don't catch COVID Can anyone say how bad it would be if my baby caught it?

Why don’t you request advanced sick and/or annual leave? Or take LWOP? You must have at least realized it was a possibility for the baby to come early and planned accordingly, right? You can take the leave, it just won’t be “free.”

[Anonymous]

I’m in the same boat. I am a member of a group that pushed my agenda very hard to implement retroactive leave and not sure if this has been mentioned by congress also asked pelosi to take this us. Unfortunately there was no appetite to close the gap on this. It was incredibly disheartening. I took a ton of unpaid this summer, more than planned bc of the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Pushed my agency. Not agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH took 1.5 days off when DD was born. Just take 2 weeks vacation like most men.

Go back to to the 1950s where you belong. Just because much of the US has antiquated parental leave policies doesn’t make it right