My wife just went into labor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

Bull. My DH was lucky enough to have 16 weeks fully paid leave and I don't know how I would have managed without having him around. What family is near us is not family I want to deal with ever, let alone with a newborn. DH being home let me focus on baby while he cleaned, cooked, etc., It also gave him lots of time to bond with baby, and gave us much needed time together to adjust to becoming a family of 3.

[Anonymous]

It took me 9 years to get out of the red in sick leave as a Fed mom with 2 kids.
The last 2 years in the red, I only visited a CVS minute clinic next to the office on my lunch break for my own needs and Saturday morning appointments for my kids, and used half the vacation time I was entitled to for actual vacation because I was using it to care for my sick kids at home.

Also, being in the red that whole time reflected badly on me as an employee and hurt my opportunities more than once.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. You can still take paid leave. It won’t be “free” leave, but you can make it work. There has to be a cutoff somewhere, yes. Some people will always be right on the edge of these sorts of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

My DH was around for the first 8 weeks and I absolutely cannot imagine him not being there.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you live in DC?

If you don't you should move there. If your kid is born before Oct 1, then you'll get to put them in free PreK a year sooner, which is like a savings of $20k.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my DH took two weeks and by the end of week 1, we were just sitting around staring at each other. I wish he could've taken that leave when our second was born.

[Anonymous]

Dude, chill out.

DCUM: Odds of a divorce by the time the child is a tweenager?

[Anonymous]

Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?

Yes, of course you have to provide a birth certificate you idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my DH took two weeks and by the end of week 1, we were just sitting around staring at each other. I wish he could've taken that leave when our second was born.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?

Yes, of course you have to provide a birth certificate you idiot.

I'd actually be surprised if that's true, since the paperwork involved is front-loaded before the birth of the child. Now, I'm *absolutely* not suggesting that the OP lie. That's a terrible idea. The workplace certainly could demand documentation, and if they catch you in a lie, it's absolutely a fireable offense.

OP- you're definitely in a really unfortunate situation. I think there were bound to be people in this situation no matter what, but it's got to be tough that you ended up with the short straw.

You should definitely look into getting donated sick leave *to care for your wife* after delivery. The OPM guidance instructs agencies to be rather liberal in their interpretation of the family-friend sick leave policies to grant parents several weeks during which they can use sick leave, not just annual leave. You could also try to get some donated leave. A lot of people at my agency are likely to have a ton of use-or-lose at the end of the year, so there might be a lot of people out there willing to donate leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?

Yes, of course you have to provide a birth certificate you idiot.

I'd actually be surprised if that's true, since the paperwork involved is front-loaded before the birth of the child. Now, I'm *absolutely* not suggesting that the OP lie. That's a terrible idea. The workplace certainly could demand documentation, and if they catch you in a lie, it's absolutely a fireable offense.

OP- you're definitely in a really unfortunate situation. I think there were bound to be people in this situation no matter what, but it's got to be tough that you ended up with the short straw.

You should definitely look into getting donated sick leave *to care for your wife* after delivery. The OPM guidance instructs agencies to be rather liberal in their interpretation of the family-friend sick leave policies to grant parents several weeks during which they can use sick leave, not just annual leave. You could also try to get some donated leave. A lot of people at my agency are likely to have a ton of use-or-lose at the end of the year, so there might be a lot of people out there willing to donate leave.

Yea. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I needed a birth certificate and a letter from my OB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

You're a shitty husband and father.

+1000. A relic from the 1950s.

every guy reading this is saying the same thing, they just don't want you to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

You're a shitty husband and father.

+1000. A relic from the 1950s.

every guy reading this is saying the same thing, they just don't want you to know.

You've talked to every single guy? Funny how you justify your stance by citing your own personal belief as evidence.

[Anonymous]

I believe that if I had help from my partner in the first days, I would not have suffered the most debilitating postpartum depression you can imagine. Help to new moms is critical.

I'm sorry OP. The laws in this country surrounding parental leave are horrible.