My wife just went into labor

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

You're a shitty husband and father.

+1000. A relic from the 1950s.

every guy reading this is saying the same thing, they just don't want you to know.

That's not true, but it is true that assholes of all stripes always tell themselves that everyone secretly agrees with them and they're the only ones brave enough to say it. Many men are actually good parents. You couldn't get my DH away from DD as a newborn with a crowbar, he certainly wasn't hiding from his responsibilities and trying not to be around. Hell, he accused me of "hogging" her in in the hospital. There was no secret desire to disappear that he tamped down for appearances.

Listen lady, just like women, men are not a monolith. Just because you think your husband is a domesticated unicorn, doesn't mean that all men should be like him. He's probably someone that would be the butt of our jokes but hey, whatever makes him happy. It also doesn't mean that all men don't want to be with their wives or babies during the first few weeks. But that doesn't make them crappy fathers or a-holes. There are differences between men and women and this is one of them, for some men, not all. If you have beef with one man's different point of view than yours because your husband doesn't wear the belt in your family, then I can see why you are so angry in life. Take a chill pill. Different strokes for different folks. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

Ugh no. I would have LOVED my husband to be around for 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

You're a shitty husband and father.

+1000. A relic from the 1950s.

every guy reading this is saying the same thing, they just don't want you to know.

That's not true, but it is true that assholes of all stripes always tell themselves that everyone secretly agrees with them and they're the only ones brave enough to say it. Many men are actually good parents. You couldn't get my DH away from DD as a newborn with a crowbar, he certainly wasn't hiding from his responsibilities and trying not to be around. Hell, he accused me of "hogging" her in in the hospital. There was no secret desire to disappear that he tamped down for appearances.

Listen lady, just like women, men are not a monolith. Just because you think your husband is a domesticated unicorn, doesn't mean that all men should be like him. He's probably someone that would be the butt of our jokes but hey, whatever makes him happy. It also doesn't mean that all men don't want to be with their wives or babies during the first few weeks. But that doesn't make them crappy fathers or a-holes. There are differences between men and women and this is one of them, for some men, not all. If you have beef with one man's different point of view than yours because your husband doesn't wear the belt in your family, then I can see why you are so angry in life. Take a chill pill. Different strokes for different folks. Sheesh.

You are extremely stupid or simply cannot read. You are saying men are not a monolith after saying "every guy reading this is saying the same thing," which is what I was disagreeing with. You are saying men are a [terrible] monolith, not I. Also my DH could probably snap you in half, but keep thinking that being a bad family member is macho.

[Anonymous]

Good grief OP, your wife is in labor and all you can think about is that you got 'screwed' out of free parental leave. In that case, I guess I got screwed out of 24 weeks of free leave. Where do I go to bitch about that? Yes, it sucks but babies aren't born on your schedule.

The fiscal year starts October 1, not much of a stretch to figure this out. Get your head out of your ass, get off the stupid phone and go be with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief OP, your wife is in labor and all you can think about is that you got 'screwed' out of free parental leave. In that case, I guess I got screwed out of 24 weeks of free leave. Where do I go to bitch about that? Yes, it sucks but babies aren't born on your schedule.

The fiscal year starts October 1, not much of a stretch to figure this out. Get your head out of your ass, get off the stupid phone and go be with your spouse.

NP here. I got two weeks and I gave birth. Sorry that you won’t benefit but realize that makes you like most of America.

[Anonymous]

I asked (jokingly) my boss if it was retroactive. My kids are in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my DH took two weeks and by the end of week 1, we were just sitting around staring at each other. I wish he could've taken that leave when our second was born.

That sounds heavenly. We had preterm twins, one of whom had colic and reflux, needed to be kept upright, and would scream anytime she was awake if we didn’t pace the floor with her or drive around. I had 2 to breastfeed and wasn’t supposed to go more than 2 hours without feeding them. We had several breastfeeding issues to overcome. My Dh contracted rotavirus from the hospital and wasn’t allowed to have contact with me or the babies the first several days we were home from the hospital, per the pediatrician. We had no local relatives who could help beyond bringing us food. It took a while to get the babies on the same schedule. At first, one would wake as soon as the other fell asleep, so I would only have maybe one 3-4 hour stretch during the middle of the night when both babies slept at the same time, and the lactation consultant recommended that I pump during that window to boost my supply. I had tons of laundry, thanks to the reflux baby spitting up all over herself, me, and her blankets multiple times per day. We had frequent appointments because the babies had trouble gaining weight and the reflux baby needed to be treated by a pediatric gastroenterologist. I remember very, very little downtime, even with Dh right there in the trenches with me during the early weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief OP, your wife is in labor and all you can think about is that you got 'screwed' out of free parental leave. In that case, I guess I got screwed out of 24 weeks of free leave. Where do I go to bitch about that? Yes, it sucks but babies aren't born on your schedule.

The fiscal year starts October 1, not much of a stretch to figure this out. Get your head out of your ass, get off the stupid phone and go be with your spouse.

NP here. I got two weeks and I gave birth. Sorry that you won’t benefit but realize that makes you like most of America.

Cool story, I gave birth and got 0 paid weeks. Fingers crossed I make it to October 1st

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief OP, your wife is in labor and all you can think about is that you got 'screwed' out of free parental leave. In that case, I guess I got screwed out of 24 weeks of free leave. Where do I go to bitch about that? Yes, it sucks but babies aren't born on your schedule.

The fiscal year starts October 1, not much of a stretch to figure this out. Get your head out of your ass, get off the stupid phone and go be with your spouse.

LOL, I'm sure OP is hovering over this thread right now eagerly reading all of the responses. He probably just came on here to vent. I think his point is that some more consideration should've been given to the start date and not choosing some arbitrary cut-off like the fiscal year.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?

Yes, of course you have to provide a birth certificate you idiot.

I'd actually be surprised if that's true, since the paperwork involved is front-loaded before the birth of the child. Now, I'm *absolutely* not suggesting that the OP lie. That's a terrible idea. The workplace certainly could demand documentation, and if they catch you in a lie, it's absolutely a fireable offense.

OP- you're definitely in a really unfortunate situation. I think there were bound to be people in this situation no matter what, but it's got to be tough that you ended up with the short straw.

You should definitely look into getting donated sick leave *to care for your wife* after delivery. The OPM guidance instructs agencies to be rather liberal in their interpretation of the family-friend sick leave policies to grant parents several weeks during which they can use sick leave, not just annual leave. You could also try to get some donated leave. A lot of people at my agency are likely to have a ton of use-or-lose at the end of the year, so there might be a lot of people out there willing to donate leave.

Yea. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I needed a birth certificate and a letter from my OB.

To do what? The parental leave policy isn't in place yet, so you obviously didn't provide a birth certificate for that.

To take sick leave after the birth of my kid, I needed to give the benefits specialist a birth certificate to get him on insurance, but that was it. No documentation was needed for the timekeeper/managers.

You are so dense. You have to give an anticipated date ahead of time and then follow up with documentation of the actual date of birth. The leave is based on the date of birth or placement, not due date or any other arbitrary date. You can take the leave within the first year.

Please just look up the interim guidelines. On the inter web.

The OPM rule doesn't provide specific documentation requirements, but suggests you may allow employees to self-attest. It's going to be up to the agencies (and possibly managers) to decide what documentation is needed.

Or did you find something more specific that the FRN? My agency hasn't provided any details yet, which is sort of crazy since you're supposed to give 30 days notice before an expected birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief OP, your wife is in labor and all you can think about is that you got 'screwed' out of free parental leave. In that case, I guess I got screwed out of 24 weeks of free leave. Where do I go to bitch about that? Yes, it sucks but babies aren't born on your schedule.

The fiscal year starts October 1, not much of a stretch to figure this out. Get your head out of your ass, get off the stupid phone and go be with your spouse.

LOL, I'm sure OP is hovering over this thread right now eagerly reading all of the responses. He probably just came on here to vent. I think his point is that some more consideration should've been given to the start date and not choosing some arbitrary cut-off like the fiscal year.

But no matter what the start date someone was going to feel shafted? This is what I don’t get about the whole “consideration” idea. The FY dictates many things, so I am not at all surprised. Had it been January 1 or some other date, others would have missed out. There is no winning here; some implantation date HAD to be chosen and either you’re eligible or you’re not.

[Anonymous]

I live in another state so I am not aware of your benefits. You receive 12 weeks of paid leave when your wife has a baby?? If this is the case, please understand my utter lack of sympathy. I think my DH took a week of VACATION for each of my children’s births and promptly went out of town for work travel. I am not feeling very sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in another state so I am not aware of your benefits. You receive 12 weeks of paid leave when your wife has a baby?? If this is the case, please understand my utter lack of sympathy. I think my DH took a week of VACATION for each of my children’s births and promptly went out of town for work travel. I am not feeling very sorry for you.

He's mad because his baby was born too early to be covered for paid leave. Now he has to use his own leave instead.

[Anonymous]

it's not the kid they want to get away from.....

[Anonymous]

Did you have the kid yet?