My wife just went into labor

[Anonymous]

This is the exact same thing that will happen to some moms too, you know. She'll have 6 or 8 weeks of sick leave (possibly borrowed) v 12 weeks of parental leave. Huge difference.

[Anonymous]

^^ By the way, this is not aimed at OP, this is aimed at all the people turning this into a why do men need parental leave debate.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?

Yes, of course you have to provide a birth certificate you idiot.

I'd actually be surprised if that's true, since the paperwork involved is front-loaded before the birth of the child. Now, I'm *absolutely* not suggesting that the OP lie. That's a terrible idea. The workplace certainly could demand documentation, and if they catch you in a lie, it's absolutely a fireable offense.

OP- you're definitely in a really unfortunate situation. I think there were bound to be people in this situation no matter what, but it's got to be tough that you ended up with the short straw.

You should definitely look into getting donated sick leave *to care for your wife* after delivery. The OPM guidance instructs agencies to be rather liberal in their interpretation of the family-friend sick leave policies to grant parents several weeks during which they can use sick leave, not just annual leave. You could also try to get some donated leave. A lot of people at my agency are likely to have a ton of use-or-lose at the end of the year, so there might be a lot of people out there willing to donate leave.

Yea. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I needed a birth certificate and a letter from my OB.

To do what? The parental leave policy isn't in place yet, so you obviously didn't provide a birth certificate for that.

To take sick leave after the birth of my kid, I needed to give the benefits specialist a birth certificate to get him on insurance, but that was it. No documentation was needed for the timekeeper/managers.

You are so dense. You have to give an anticipated date ahead of time and then follow up with documentation of the actual date of birth. The leave is based on the date of birth or placement, not due date or any other arbitrary date. You can take the leave within the first year.

Please just look up the interim guidelines. On the inter web.

The OPM rule doesn't provide specific documentation requirements, but suggests you may allow employees to self-attest. It's going to be up to the agencies (and possibly managers) to decide what documentation is needed.

Or did you find something more specific that the FRN? My agency hasn't provided any details yet, which is sort of crazy since you're supposed to give 30 days notice before an expected birth.

I got it from like the federal government general HR mat/pat leave contact I was given.

I Don’t understand why it took so long to get out two forms but that’s what it basically is. One of the form you agree to provide any medical information requested regarding the date of birth and recovery and a 12-week work agreement that says you will work for 12 weeks when you come back.

[Anonymous]

Congrats and boo hoo you won’t be able to steal 12 weeks pay from us taxpayers

[Anonymous]

OP, crossing my fingers that it will be a long enough delivery to get you to Oct. 1! Don't allow them to induce unless there's a medical need for mom or baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats and boo hoo you won’t be able to steal 12 weeks pay from us taxpayers

Taking leave to help care for one's newborn is stealing?

I hope you are also pro-choice.

[Anonymous]

I felt the same way when I delivered my first born right before they made the rule that gave a person at least 24 hours in the hospital after their child was born. He was one of the last of the “hatchback“ babies. He was delivered in the afternoon and I was released the following morning at 8am. They sent me home with a catheter and bag attached to my leg because I had not peed yet - due to stitches forward and aft causing trauma in the general area.

[Anonymous]

Also don’t have much sympathy - you knew this was a possibility so should have planned for it. I would have a lot more sympathy if your baby was a premie, as that would both be unexpected and also you often really need extra weeks of leave with your child for medical reasons.

FWIW I am a DW, DH was a fed when DCs 1&2 born, and he used sick leave and went back after 4 weeks with DC1 and 2 weeks with DC2. I had c-sections both times, so could have used an extra pair of hands. Also, I only got 6 weeks of 60% pay on STD, and then could not use sick leave only vacation.

[Anonymous]

On the brightside, the age cut off in DC is Sept. 30. Saves you a year of day care costs.

BTW, it sucks. Im a fed who couldn't take a vacation for years because I burned through all my leave to stay home for a measly 12 weeks with kid 2 (and only 6 for kid #1).

[Anonymous]

Hey,,

I am a woman who had a CSection and I only got 9 weeks O.P. America is bad for working parents. Baby congrats!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.

You're a shitty husband and father.

+1000. A relic from the 1950s.

every guy reading this is saying the same thing, they just don't want you to know.

That's not true, but it is true that assholes of all stripes always tell themselves that everyone secretly agrees with them and they're the only ones brave enough to say it. Many men are actually good parents. You couldn't get my DH away from DD as a newborn with a crowbar, he certainly wasn't hiding from his responsibilities and trying not to be around. Hell, he accused me of "hogging" her in in the hospital. There was no secret desire to disappear that he tamped down for appearances.

Listen lady, just like women, men are not a monolith. Just because you think your husband is a domesticated unicorn, doesn't mean that all men should be like him. He's probably someone that would be the butt of our jokes but hey, whatever makes him happy. It also doesn't mean that all men don't want to be with their wives or babies during the first few weeks. But that doesn't make them crappy fathers or a-holes. There are differences between men and women and this is one of them, for some men, not all. If you have beef with one man's different point of view than yours because your husband doesn't wear the belt in your family, then I can see why you are so angry in life. Take a chill pill. Different strokes for different folks. Sheesh.

I'm sure you're right that not all men want to be with their wives and babies in the early weeks. It doesn't change the fact that it makes all of them bad husbands, fathers, and human beings (unless it's as a result of a discussion in which the guy has offered to do so and the woman has said she doesn't want or need it-- and even then, if she ever changes her mind, his responsibility is to be right there with her sharing the load.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least your kid was born before (most) school cut-off dates.

5 yrs from now you'll be so glad Junior will be old enough to go to Kinderg instead of you having to pay another long year of tuition for daycare/preschool.

Your rant over FMLA is a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things.

Most cut-off dates are September 1. If OP lives in VA where it's 9/30, he'll be agonizing in 5 years about whether his kid is ready to go to K or if that will disadvantage the kid because everyone is redshirting. Yeah saving the money is nice but I wish he'd been born in October so the decision had been taken out of our hands... it's too easy to second guess this one.

- mom of a mid-September boy who was due in early October.

[Anonymous]

DH took 1.5 days off when DD was born. Just take 2 weeks vacation like most men.

[Anonymous]

She might labor for 48 hours and then you are saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm posting this from the hospital because I'm so angry. My wife was due mid-October, but because I'm a fed and the cut-off for the paid parental leave is October 1, I am now screwed out of 12 weeks of paid leave. This is some grade-A bulls**t. It is a slap in the face that my office mates who will be taking FMLA in the next few weeks for their birth are going to get paid but my FMLA won't get paid. What a horribly written law.

Yes, I get the argument that "everything has a cut-off" but this was not the appropriate way to do it. It should've been effective the day the law passed back in December. But hey, Trump needed his Space Force so we had to push through parental leave legislation that hadn't really been completely thought out (*waves at the FAA and TSA and VA*) and Congress didn't have a pandemic back then causing unprecedented levels of maternal and paternal depression and anxiety...sucks for us!

Heck my kids 8. It should be retroactive!