Is having kids worth it? Is it worth the incontinence, the pain, the sleep deprivation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To that pp with the 1 and 4 year olds, you are literally in the middle of the hardest part so hang in there just a bit...

Mine are now 11 and 14. I have a job and a husband and friends and hobbies and all kinds of other activities, but those kids are my life. They’re what matters most to me every moment. Whether I went through pain and sleeplessness 10 years ago is pretty irrelevant now.

Thank you!! When did it turn the corner do you think?

[Anonymous]

I would take all the bad parts of parenting for one tenth of the good parts. It is absolutely amazing. The highs are so high!! You can’t imagine it until you have your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me yes, 1000 times yes. My delivery was c-section bc baby was breech so I have been spared any incontinence. I was scared going in to the procedure but drs were super professional and the recovery was fine with tylenol and advil. The sleep depravation is the worst part so far but I keep reminding myself its temporary and my AM coffee is bliss.

I went through hell to have this baby -- 5 years of infertility treatments. I spent the entirety of my pregnancy in a state of terror; I didnt let people celebrate and resisted buying or opening any big ticket items for fear something would go wrong again and there would be no baby. I assumed I would have PPD but now that she is here I am filled with joy, even in the trying moments I am happy. I knew being a mom is how I wanted to spend my time on this planet and I am so glad I persisted.

Just for others reading this, please know that it is pregnancy more so than childbirth that causes the damage to your pelvic floor that results in incontinence. So not all c-section moms are spared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had horrific life threatening miserable pregnancies. HG three times, SPD twice (really severe in my last pregnancy), preeclampsia, HELLP, you name it.

Pregnancy was an exercise in misery and endurance for me. I looked forward to my c section recoveries with deep enthusiasm because stomach surgery was an immediate and drastic improvement on pregnancy.

They are so worth it. Sometimes its bad, sometimes its good, but for me it has shown me purpose and a deeper way to love. And I don't mean that as a dig on people who don't have children, just speaking for myself. It has given my life a roundness that will carry me into old age and I don't regret a moment I spent pregnant, although I will never ever be pregnant again! Thank GOD!

I have a very similar story and agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 1 and 4. I’m pretty miserable on a daily basis. Between 5 and 8 PM, I pretty much want to die or be anywhere but with them. I do regret having them sometimes.

But I do just love them in a way I’ve never loved anyone. The love feels like that feeling of when you’re first falling in love with someone, the lust, the obsession, except it doesn’t fade.

But it is excruciating most days and I really hate mothering, but I love my kids.

I’m not sure i would do it all over again. Probably.

So true. The love rollercoaster is the best. Just spent 5 minutes quietly kissing my sleeping baby all over his face. Pure heaven.

[Anonymous]

Yesterday, my 23 month old climbed into my lap, took my face in her hands to gently kiss me square on the lips, then threw her arms around me and snuggled under my chin as she said “Mama baby best friend” in her sweet little voice. So yes. It’s worth everything. I don’t want to live in a world without her.

[Anonymous]

As opposed to what? At the expense of lazy brunches, luxury travel, fancy restaurants, your very own wine cellar?
Yes, they're very much worth it.

At the expense of contributing to humanity something like the discovery of penicillin, curing cancer, healing a war torn country? I'm not sure. But very few of us are on the path of making that kind of contribution so I'd venture a guess that it doesn't apply.

Op, the truth is that the day to day hardships are not really that hard. A little lost sleep, time, and solitude for a few years (or even 18) seems like a small price to pay for all the learning and growth parents themselves enjoy. I also find it great fun.

All this said, if you don't like kids now, it won't magically change once you have your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As opposed to what? At the expense of lazy brunches, luxury travel, fancy restaurants, your very own wine cellar?
Yes, they're very much worth it.

At the expense of contributing to humanity something like the discovery of penicillin, curing cancer, healing a war torn country? I'm not sure. But very few of us are on the path of making that kind of contribution so I'd venture a guess that it doesn't apply.

Op, the truth is that the day to day hardships are not really that hard. A little lost sleep, time, and solitude for a few years (or even 18) seems like a small price to pay for all the learning and growth parents themselves enjoy. I also find it great fun.

All this said, if you don't like kids now, it won't magically change once you have your own.

I don't know if that last part is necessarily true... I'm not generally a fan of kids, although I am 'good with them' but I am a fan of my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As opposed to what? At the expense of lazy brunches, luxury travel, fancy restaurants, your very own wine cellar?
Yes, they're very much worth it.

At the expense of contributing to humanity something like the discovery of penicillin, curing cancer, healing a war torn country? I'm not sure. But very few of us are on the path of making that kind of contribution so I'd venture a guess that it doesn't apply.

Op, the truth is that the day to day hardships are not really that hard. A little lost sleep, time, and solitude for a few years (or even 18) seems like a small price to pay for all the learning and growth parents themselves enjoy. I also find it great fun.

All this said, if you don't like kids now, it won't magically change once you have your own.

This is nicely said thank you. I’m so tired from my 2 and 5 year old but I will try to remind myself its a temporary hardship. This time especially at home with the pandemic has been trying. I can’t stop thinking how jealous I am of all childless people having so much time to themselves whereas I haven’t had a free moment in six months. But I sure do love my kids.

[Anonymous]

Ask for elective CS, you don't have to risk incontinence if that's your big scary fear. It's not a big deal.