Is having kids worth it? Is it worth the incontinence, the pain, the sleep deprivation?

[Anonymous]

I meant to say "mental, financial, and emotional toll"

[Anonymous]

Lol, it depends on the day for me! I'm pregnant with #2 and not sure how I feel about that. I know for sure that it was worth it to have one child. I think I would have been wishing and hoping for a child if I didn't have one. My daughter is a huge challenge but also the biggest blessing and I love her to pieces. I knew I wanted to be a mom.

I'd definitely support my daughter if she decides to become a mom once she's older.

You are already pregnant, so unless you want to terminate, that ship has sailed. I do find that perspective and money help a lot. Thinking positively and taking proactive steps to fix things that are wrong can help all of those issues yo mention - Anxiety, see a therapist. Incontinence, see a doctor and pelvic floor therapist. Loss of identity, talk to your husband, relatives, and a babysitter, and get child care so you can go away and take some me-time.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course.

Think of it this way: if it was truly all horrible with no upside, would people have more than 1 "life ruiner"? And yet so many people do...tells you something.

[Anonymous]

I'm only seven months in, but based on my experience? Absolutely would recommend!

Pregnancy was super easy for me, so that was lucky. Induction was rough (60 hours, I've posted about it before) but eventually successful (healthy vaginal delivery), and seven months out, I'm 100% recovered and healed (although recovery was not always easy and I had some lingering issues as long ago as last month). The newborn stage was incredibly rough, but thanks to pretty serious sleep training, since about 4.5 months, it's been such an amazing delight. I love being a parent, and my husband agrees. It's hard but totally worth it. In fact, we're gearing up for number two.

Remember that the people posting on a board are the ones having an issue, and the people who respond have also experienced that issue (generally). People who aren't having an issue, you don't hear from. A silent majority if you will.

[Anonymous]

I love my children and would give my life for them but if I had it to do over, I would not have children. The job never ends no matter their age

[Anonymous]

I just had a baby 3 weeks in... I had the best pregnancy and a easy delivery with basically no pain due to epidural. I’ve already pretty much healed and close to my pre weight. However, I don’t feel the whole rush of emotions everything changes stuff. I feel the same and I don’t really enjoy the newborn time. We will see as she gets older. I also hate all the family opinions now that we have a baby. I really miss being pregnant though- loved that part:

[Anonymous]

I had horrific life threatening miserable pregnancies. HG three times, SPD twice (really severe in my last pregnancy), preeclampsia, HELLP, you name it.

Pregnancy was an exercise in misery and endurance for me. I looked forward to my c section recoveries with deep enthusiasm because stomach surgery was an immediate and drastic improvement on pregnancy.

They are so worth it. Sometimes its bad, sometimes its good, but for me it has shown me purpose and a deeper way to love. And I don't mean that as a dig on people who don't have children, just speaking for myself. It has given my life a roundness that will carry me into old age and I don't regret a moment I spent pregnant, although I will never ever be pregnant again! Thank GOD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my children and would give my life for them but if I had it to do over, I would not have children. The job never ends no matter their age

Agree. But I think I would also pine for them if I had never had children. Life is funny that way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes of course.

Think of it this way: if it was truly all horrible with no upside, would people have more than 1 "life ruiner"? And yet so many people do...tells you something.

Lol. Hormones. My hormones told me to make another baby almost immediately after giving birth. and then again a year later. We kept it to one. She’s not a life realtor, she’s definitely a life changer. And all the good ways and in some challenging ones too. The most important thing I think is to be clear on what you need to feel complete. Keep that in mind as your children grow so that you have something for yourself. Our needs change along with our children but we need to retain something for ourselves too. this sets a good example for them and it gives us an identity beyond parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes of course.

Think of it this way: if it was truly all horrible with no upside, would people have more than 1 "life ruiner"? And yet so many people do...tells you something.

Lol. Hormones. My hormones told me to make another baby almost immediately after giving birth. and then again a year later. We kept it to one. She’s not a life realtor, she’s definitely a life changer. And all the good ways and in some challenging ones too. The most important thing I think is to be clear on what you need to feel complete. Keep that in mind as your children grow so that you have something for yourself. Our needs change along with our children but we need to retain something for ourselves too. this sets a good example for them and it gives us an identity beyond parent.

Oops typos...hopefully this still tracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had horrific life threatening miserable pregnancies. HG three times, SPD twice (really severe in my last pregnancy), preeclampsia, HELLP, you name it.

Pregnancy was an exercise in misery and endurance for me. I looked forward to my c section recoveries with deep enthusiasm because stomach surgery was an immediate and drastic improvement on pregnancy.

They are so worth it. Sometimes its bad, sometimes its good, but for me it has shown me purpose and a deeper way to love. And I don't mean that as a dig on people who don't have children, just speaking for myself. It has given my life a roundness that will carry me into old age and I don't regret a moment I spent pregnant, although I will never ever be pregnant again! Thank GOD!

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes. Worth every second.

[Anonymous]

No, not worth it! You have been warned.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have incontinence or much pain but did have awful sleep deprivation for YEARS, marital problems, and don't forget the constant anxiety about keeping them safe...

So no, not worth it. You have to want kids for the sake of it and not be in it for any kind of personal reward. I do warn people IRL who say they're on the fence how hard it is. For us it hasn't gotten any easier, just challenging in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes of course.

Think of it this way: if it was truly all horrible with no upside, would people have more than 1 "life ruiner"? And yet so many people do...tells you something.

Lol. Hormones. My hormones told me to make another baby almost immediately after giving birth. and then again a year later. We kept it to one. She’s not a life realtor, she’s definitely a life changer. And all the good ways and in some challenging ones too. The most important thing I think is to be clear on what you need to feel complete. Keep that in mind as your children grow so that you have something for yourself. Our needs change along with our children but we need to retain something for ourselves too. this sets a good example for them and it gives us an identity beyond parent.

+1 yes I wanted another as soon as DD was born. 15 months later I wonder about it sometimes but also honestly don't think we can handle another.

My experience was that the first year was really hard. It was just nonstop, especially since I was nursing/pumping at work. Our marriage really suffered. I feel like I lost a year of productivity at work. Now DD is 15 months, and it's getting much easier and fun. Our marriage is doing much better. I still miss being able to spend more time with my husband as a couple, but I think the sacrifice is worth it. Parenting is a new challenge for me, and I was really craving that during our long journey of TTC/fertility treatments. So I don't regret it, but I will say the first year is really tough, do don't get discouraged if you are struggling.