Is having kids worth it? Is it worth the incontinence, the pain, the sleep deprivation?

[Anonymous]

To me yes, 1000 times yes. My delivery was c-section bc baby was breech so I have been spared any incontinence. I was scared going in to the procedure but drs were super professional and the recovery was fine with tylenol and advil. The sleep depravation is the worst part so far but I keep reminding myself its temporary and my AM coffee is bliss.

I went through hell to have this baby -- 5 years of infertility treatments. I spent the entirety of my pregnancy in a state of terror; I didnt let people celebrate and resisted buying or opening any big ticket items for fear something would go wrong again and there would be no baby. I assumed I would have PPD but now that she is here I am filled with joy, even in the trying moments I am happy. I knew being a mom is how I wanted to spend my time on this planet and I am so glad I persisted.

[Anonymous]

PS you should ask this on the teen forum and your responses might be different. There’s a reason bears hit them on the nose and send them on their way when they hit 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends, I’m quite new to pregnancy but I came here to read and learn from you, moms with a bit more experience and I’ve heard so many heartbreaking stories of loss — loss of bodily functions, loss of pleasure, loss of identity In a way, tears, incontinence, trauma, anxiety.

Is having kids really worth it?

What are you getting out of it?

Would you recommend your most beloved person in the world (for example your daughter) to have all the experiences you’ve been through if they end up with a baby?

I’m pregnant and I wonder what I’m getting myself into. People say in public that parenthood is amazing, but everything I read here says the opposite.

#philosophy

And it only gets harder and more terror-filled as the child gets older. And then the teenager hates you. And then you have to pay for college..


Yes, it’s totally worth it all!

[Anonymous]

I have an 18 year old. A young man now. (Jumped on to the forum because I'm procrastinating, lol). He is a good soul, and I genuinely enjoy his company.

Yes, OP. With the lens of hindsight, yes.

It was hard as hell and taught me lessons I could have gone ages without learning, but yes.

[Anonymous]

I have had all the issues and a) they are almost all surmountable and b) the joy it bring me to hold my babies and children in my arms is unspeakably beautiful

That being said, women are so brave.

[Anonymous]

You’ll have little friends, who aren’t really your friends because you rule over them and friend-parent relationships are weird. Nonetheless, kids are delightful! They’re your people.

[Anonymous]

My partner and I had a million reasons not to have a kid. We considered all the horrible things that could happen. The lack of extended family support. The history of mental illness. The history of abuse in our families. The money worries.

But then we went ahead and did it.

We had spent so much time worrying about the challenges, and the what ifs... that the absolute joy came as a surprise. Joy like we’ve never known or expected.

We’ve had almost everything go wrong since choosing to have a kid- extended job loss, health problems, an autism diagnosis for our toddler... but the joy is still there. We just plow through the problems headfirst because there really is not a choice. And every day we look at her and say to each other, “I just love her so much!” And we do our best. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

[Anonymous]

I knew I wanted to be a mom. With hindsight I see how I could have had a fulfilling life without children, but I’m not sure I could have seen it if I’d never had them. I do think all styles (no kids, one kid, 2 or more kids...) have pros and cons. My 7 year old tells me she’ll never have children - it hurts and is a lot of work and you don’t get to do what you want to do because you have other people to take care of. (My younger daughter is 3.) I tell her she can choose for herself someday but, for me, it reminds me of the monkey bars. Pre-covid she would do the monkey bars over and over and over. She’d fall and get bruises, she’d get blisters, she’d say she was really frustrated and needed to go home...then the first thing she’d say when she woke up was “can I please do the monkey bars today? I loge them so much and really want to go.”

[Anonymous]

Pp: sorry love, not loge

[Anonymous]

I don't have any of those...?

[Anonymous]

I feel so sorry for the people saying no on this thread. What a sad, miserable way to live. I can’t even imagine. My children are the light of my life. They are such a joy and a blessing.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the minority but I’m one and done. I couldn’t love my kid more. She’s my everything. But I never ever want to go through pregnancy again.

[Anonymous]

There is no "worth it", only "worth it for you." People are different, kids are different, so every parent's experience is different.

Mine are young--5 and 7--so I don't know what the entire journey will be like and whether it will be "worth it" for me. My current thinking on this question changes daily. It is a ton of work and it is work that I (introverted, professionally driven, contemplative) often find draining and frustrating. But, there is lots of joy, too. I definitely hated the baby years. Now that they are more independent, out of diapers, and beginning to be capable of real conversation, parenting is less work and more of a relationship.

COVID has made everything much, much harder. So, right now it is very challenging. But, this too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 1 and 4. I’m pretty miserable on a daily basis. Between 5 and 8 PM, I pretty much want to die or be anywhere but with them. I do regret having them sometimes.

But I do just love them in a way I’ve never loved anyone. The love feels like that feeling of when you’re first falling in love with someone, the lust, the obsession, except it doesn’t fade.

But it is excruciating most days and I really hate mothering, but I love my kids.

I’m not sure i would do it all over again. Probably.

[Anonymous]

To that pp with the 1 and 4 year olds, you are literally in the middle of the hardest part so hang in there just a bit...

Mine are now 11 and 14. I have a job and a husband and friends and hobbies and all kinds of other activities, but those kids are my life. They’re what matters most to me every moment. Whether I went through pain and sleeplessness 10 years ago is pretty irrelevant now.