People with kids in college or professional/grad school: Which expenses do you pay for?

[Anonymous]

Nothing, my parents gave me ZERO for undergrad and gradschool.
After they are finished and have a job I will pay off some of their loans/bills but not while in school. They need to know how serious what they are doing is and a huge price tag will be helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are at odds over this. My parents didn't pay for anything. I worked 30-40 hours per week while I was away at school to pay my rent, books, groceries, car, etc. I took out loans for tuition. DHs parents paid for everything. He never even paid a bill until we moved in together.

What are you at odds about?

Why do you think the way your parents did it was better? Do you realize that students who work 30 to 40 hours per week do not do as well in school? And do you realize that the cost of education has Fasley outpaced inflation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All costs. Tuition, room and board, clothes, food, restaurants, taxis, uber, tech, car, insurance, amazon, medical, socialization, plane tickets, hotels, tracel, vacations, play tickets, presents...

My kids have been very frugal considering that they have access to money and resources. They have made friends with good kids. We are sort-of but not quite UMC.

Lol...if you can afford all that for your kids, you aren't even close to UMC. You are extremely wealthy.

No. We have lived frugally and saved for everything. My kids get to enjoy some of the perks but they are very cost conscious and do not abuse what we have given them. We are donut hole family and they have got merit scholarships etc. They are sensible and pragmatic. They have never asked for any allowance and they do not shop or socialize in excess. I love how responsible with money they are. They have seen how we have lived and they have followed our example. Our money is hard earned and the little bit of wealth we have has come from frugalness and investing in education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All costs. Tuition, room and board, clothes, food, restaurants, taxis, uber, tech, car, insurance, amazon, medical, socialization, plane tickets, hotels, tracel, vacations, play tickets, presents...

My kids have been very frugal considering that they have access to money and resources. They have made friends with good kids. We are sort-of but not quite UMC.

Lol...if you can afford all that for your kids, you aren't even close to UMC. You are extremely wealthy.

No. We have lived frugally and saved for everything. My kids get to enjoy some of the perks but they are very cost conscious and do not abuse what we have given them. We are donut hole family and they have got merit scholarships etc. They are sensible and pragmatic. They have never asked for any allowance and they do not shop or socialize in excess. I love how responsible with money they are. They have seen how we have lived and they have followed our example. Our money is hard earned and the little bit of wealth we have has come from frugalness and investing in education.

There is no such thing as donut hole family. You either make it work or they go to a cheaper school. Our kids understand they can only go to schools we can afford to pay cash in full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

I'd bet this PP is either first generation immigrant or POC. They think they will harden their kids by making them pay when they could afford it. The result is an 18 year old deciding to skip college, and a 16 year old likely going to do the same thing. And a son who will have a degree from a mediocre college with heavy loans. They will all struggle in a "middle class" that looks far worse than even today's crappy middle class standards. But you sure showed them, right?

PP here, and thank you for the (completely wrong) assumptions.

We want our kids to grow up to be smart, dedicated, and hard working. All too often people make money and they ignore what got them there and start using it like a plaything, giving their kids everything they want/need for free. If you want to do that, go ahead. That said, we (me and DH) lived that life for ourselves, getting a scholarship from the bank of mom and dad, making choices not based on proven financial basis but on emotion.

Also, BTW, both my adult children are happy with their choices. DS is studying engineering and very happy with his employment prospects and DD1 may have held off on college, but is working in a field directly related to one of her favorite hobbies with people she cares deeply enough, and that pays her enough to live in the rural area she has settled in. Please dont think Im evil because I want to raise well adjusted, successful children, from where I am at it certainly looks like both of mine are just fine

This logic is bizarre. It sounds like you are punishing them for your mistakes. I support you wanting your kids to understand the value of money. That is your job to teach, so they can learn how finances and bugeting work. This can be done simultaneously while having your education funded. Kids to your son for his accomplishments.

I was bankrolled by my parents, my husband was given a penny by his parents. We are both successful, high earning professionals. I will give my DD the gift of education. That will long outlive anything I could buy her and it can't be taken away.

If by 18, your kids don't know the value of money you failed as a parent. My parents fully paid for everything for college and graduate school. We live very modestly so we can do the same.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people on here are rationalizing how awesome they are despite the fact that their parents paid for everything, and they keep putting down people who funded their own education as “moral failures.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on here are rationalizing how awesome they are despite the fact that their parents paid for everything, and they keep putting down people who funded their own education as “moral failures.”

NP. I’m not seeing that at all.

[Anonymous]

I’m Asian so a lot of this is cultural. My parents fully paid for undergrad and gave me a “stipend” every semester for food and misc exp as they considered school to be my job. They were immigrants and super frugal except when it came to education. They did not want me taking any time away from studies with a job that wasn’t going to further my career. I went to a pricey private school with a half tuition scholarship. I had an offer for a full scholarship for business school at a top 30 program but was also accepted to a top 15 without scholarship and they offered to pay, so I went to the higher ranked program. They paid my rent during school.

I will do the same for my kids - to be honest, growing up this was sort of normal and expected so I did not realize what a privilege it was, but I can see now how not having student debt really helped set me up for life. But I take the same viewpoint for my children and I see it as a responsibility to fund their education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, my parents gave me ZERO for undergrad and gradschool.
After they are finished and have a job I will pay off some of their loans/bills but not while in school. They need to know how serious what they are doing is and a huge price tag will be helpful

This was my parents. And it was so much harder for me -who had school AND had to work multiple jobs, including a field related internship and then one to make bills- than it was for my friends whose parents paid. So.Much.Harder. Then after school they had much more flexibility as to what type of job to get.

So, you can take a principled stand. But be sure you know what that is b/c teaching some lesson in responsibility isn't it. My friends with trust funds, or parents who paid, are some of the most responsible around. And just know that, if you can pay and aren't, there may be resentment. And though some of you will say one is not "entitled" to have college paid for, you're right. But, if the parents have it and are content to watch you struggle out of some arbitrary need to teach a lesson, resentment can be there all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

This is literally a novel post in some ways. You had mental health issues stemming from your parents paying for college? Let me suggest that, if that is the case, you probably would have had some issues anyway.

But your "do as I say, not as I benefited" is pretty repulsive.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for nothing other than an occasional $50 here and there.

I wasn’t smart enough to get a full scholarship and my parents made too much money for me to qualify for loans. I had little to no guidance or future planning from my parents.

So I worked really hard and joined the Army. I finished school dept free (thanks Uncle Sam), got a great job, and will be able to provide all 3 of my children with a college education; post graduateif they have the ambition.

[Anonymous]

We would be considered poor by DCUM standards. Our kid has about enough for 3 years of school in a college account. We asked her to borrow $5K some years, and we will pay for everything else. Leaving school with $10K-ish in debt won’t be crippling. If we could pay it all, we would. I have no idea how we would pay for grad school if she wants to continue.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for everything. When I graduated, I was able to immediately secure a great job, take over the loan payments, and they haven’t paid a dime since. Paying for everything doesn’t automatically result in a kid that is fiscally irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

Uhh I don’t think he “decided” to do that. I think he had no other option because you refused to pay!


I'd bet this PP is either first generation immigrant or POC. They think they will harden their kids by making them pay when they could afford it. The result is an

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for everything. When I graduated, I was able to immediately secure a great job, take over the loan payments, and they haven’t paid a dime since. Paying for everything doesn’t automatically result in a kid that is fiscally irresponsible.

If you had loans, your parents did not pay for everything. Which is fine.