People with kids in college or professional/grad school: Which expenses do you pay for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduated high school in '93.

For college my parents paid tuition (public, slightly over $1000/semester) and $300 towards living expenses--this was in an area where a 2 bedroom/1 bath apartment in a sketchy area was about $650/month, not including utilities--so I had to cover a portion of rent, utilities, food, transportation (was a few miles from campus), books, and things like toiletries and clothing.
I worked full time to cover that, while going to school full time.

Help with grad school was out of the question. No way were they paying for that.

Father was a family practice physician and mother was a SAHM.

Above pp here
In case it wasn't clear, I shared the 2 bedroom apartment with another female student--so my share of rent was $325/month. I realized that it read like I had a 2 bedroom apartment all to myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid 1/3 of official college bills (so nothing when I moved off-campus) and nothing after. They thought it would build character. It built something, alright - the inability to take non-paying internships related to my field because I had to work, and a mound of debt (even at a state school) that I still have to this day. It also instilled in me the (bad) decision to go to a lower ranked/more affordable graduate program when I would have been much better paid had attended the higher ranked/more expensive programs. Thanks, parents. I will not make the same mistakes with my children.

Bitterness is bad. Get over yourself. They owed you nothing for college.

Sounds like the person probably made a bad choice of major. Any major worth paying for is going to have internships that pay.

Not true at all depending on the school. For a lot of the more prestigious universities almost all aid is tied to your family’s finances and if you receive scholarship money and are financial aid they reduce your grant amount from the school by your scholarship amount. I went to an ivy and was on financial aid and graduated with no loans. I had a friend who received a scholarship for her STEM major and they just reduced her aid amount. Similarly, I had another friend whose parents refused to pay but because they were high income he was unable to get any grant money and graduated with a sizable chunk of loans. He was also an Econ major and worked in investment banking over the summer. That internship is not enough to cover tuition. And frankly I can’t imagine any summer internships that an undergrad could get that would be able to match the $80,000 k/year cost of attendance.

Also how would you get a paying internship for your major for going into your freshman year?

It’s fine you don’t think parents need to pay but no need to spread misinformation.

[Anonymous]

Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid undergrad tuition minus my STAFFORD loan. I also had to work on campus as part of the loan deal. My parents also paid for room and board but not for anything extra. I paid car insurance, gas and for anything extra I was doing. I paid for grad school and all my living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

I'd bet this PP is either first generation immigrant or POC. They think they will harden their kids by making them pay when they could afford it. The result is an 18 year old deciding to skip college, and a 16 year old likely going to do the same thing. And a son who will have a degree from a mediocre college with heavy loans. They will all struggle in a "middle class" that looks far worse than even today's crappy middle class standards. But you sure showed them, right?

[Anonymous]

For grad school my parents paid tuition and gave me their old car and I handled rent, food, books etc. with my savings and internship money. I was definitely in the minority, most people had loans - my husband is still paying his off at age 44. They’re very low interest (which is why he doesn’t just pay them off), but it was a really nice gift to never have had that hanging over my head. I’m an only child BTW which helped make that gift possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

I'd bet this PP is either first generation immigrant or POC. They think they will harden their kids by making them pay when they could afford it. The result is an 18 year old deciding to skip college, and a 16 year old likely going to do the same thing. And a son who will have a degree from a mediocre college with heavy loans. They will all struggle in a "middle class" that looks far worse than even today's crappy middle class standards. But you sure showed them, right?

PP here, and thank you for the (completely wrong) assumptions.

We want our kids to grow up to be smart, dedicated, and hard working. All too often people make money and they ignore what got them there and start using it like a plaything, giving their kids everything they want/need for free. If you want to do that, go ahead. That said, we (me and DH) lived that life for ourselves, getting a scholarship from the bank of mom and dad, making choices not based on proven financial basis but on emotion.

Also, BTW, both my adult children are happy with their choices. DS is studying engineering and very happy with his employment prospects and DD1 may have held off on college, but is working in a field directly related to one of her favorite hobbies with people she cares deeply enough, and that pays her enough to live in the rural area she has settled in. Please dont think Im evil because I want to raise well adjusted, successful children, from where I am at it certainly looks like both of mine are just fine

[Anonymous]

I did my collage in India and there it is so normal that parents should pay for their kids college expanse. My parents struggled a lot to pay my collage expense (borrowing from my relatives and without me knowing that they are borrowing money)

I feel that it is the moral responsibility of parents to make the kids educated - at the minimum an undergraduate. I believe parenting includes that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

I'd bet this PP is either first generation immigrant or POC. They think they will harden their kids by making them pay when they could afford it. The result is an 18 year old deciding to skip college, and a 16 year old likely going to do the same thing. And a son who will have a degree from a mediocre college with heavy loans. They will all struggle in a "middle class" that looks far worse than even today's crappy middle class standards. But you sure showed them, right?

I don't agree with your generalization that the above PP must be POC or first generation immigrant...but totally agree if you have a child that wants to work hard, makes good choices, and you can afford to pay for their college but choose not to you're a pretty crap person and you're really short changing your kids. Remember this when they decline to help you out in old age Builds character, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Me: my parents paid 1/2 my tuition and room at a fancy private college. School did not have a meal plan so I paid for my own food and school supplies by working, and the other half of my tuition through scholarships and loans. I worked two jobs my freshman year, while going to school full time.

DH: went to the same fancy private college but his parents paid his tuition and room, and gave him a credit card for everything else.

I have a feeling we’re going to have big disagreements about what to pay for when our elementary/middle school aged DCs go to college...

[Anonymous]

In grad school, my fellowships covered my tuition and living expenses. One thing I really appreciated was that my parents always paid for my plane ticket for me to visit them. I was busy and living far away, so I might only be able to go once a year, but it meant that money wouldn't be the factor standing in the way of me going. I think it was good for our relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'm the "kid" (31 now), but my parents paid for everything during undergrad, though I had full time jobs each summer to supplement my own spending money throughout the school year. Then they split grad school with me 50/50 (and I got some reimbursement for my half from my employer). They also gave me the down payment on my first condo. I am very grateful for their support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

I'd bet this PP is either first generation immigrant or POC. They think they will harden their kids by making them pay when they could afford it. The result is an 18 year old deciding to skip college, and a 16 year old likely going to do the same thing. And a son who will have a degree from a mediocre college with heavy loans. They will all struggle in a "middle class" that looks far worse than even today's crappy middle class standards. But you sure showed them, right?

+1

It's not 1982 anymore. College costs huge amounts of money, students who work too many hours get bad grades and suffer a lot of stress, and people with too much student debt have a hard time advancing financially as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

Np: My parents paid for everything, including generous allowances, and I managed to graduate with a strong work ethic, no mental health issues, and an appreciation for everything my parents have done for me - before, during, and after college. You and your spouse’s failures are not because your parents paid for your educations, it is because you are weak individuals who would rather blame others than look in the mirror at who is actually responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

We have plenty of money to pay for undergrad, but doing so does nothing but make them dependenton others. After 18 it is on them, me and DH were both coddled with college paid for school and we dealt with the mental health issues doing so leads to. Lack of financial awareness, lack of hard wor, lack of true ambition, choice of non-STEM major (DH). We want a better life for our kids.

DS got good scholarships and decided to fund the rest through loans and hard work. DD1 chose not to go to school and instead joined te workforce. DD2 is 16 and currently deciding her path.

I'd bet this PP is either first generation immigrant or POC. They think they will harden their kids by making them pay when they could afford it. The result is an 18 year old deciding to skip college, and a 16 year old likely going to do the same thing. And a son who will have a degree from a mediocre college with heavy loans. They will all struggle in a "middle class" that looks far worse than even today's crappy middle class standards. But you sure showed them, right?

PP here, and thank you for the (completely wrong) assumptions.

We want our kids to grow up to be smart, dedicated, and hard working. All too often people make money and they ignore what got them there and start using it like a plaything, giving their kids everything they want/need for free. If you want to do that, go ahead. That said, we (me and DH) lived that life for ourselves, getting a scholarship from the bank of mom and dad, making choices not based on proven financial basis but on emotion.

Also, BTW, both my adult children are happy with their choices. DS is studying engineering and very happy with his employment prospects and DD1 may have held off on college, but is working in a field directly related to one of her favorite hobbies with people she cares deeply enough, and that pays her enough to live in the rural area she has settled in. Please dont think Im evil because I want to raise well adjusted, successful children, from where I am at it certainly looks like both of mine are just fine

No one has said you are evil.

You are irresponsible and a crappy parent if you have the money to fund education and don't do so because you think your kids will appreciate the experience more if they fund it themselves.

The data tell us that students who don't have financial pressure to put themselves through school perform better. They can also take unpaid internships and start a retirement fund and a savings account from the start if they are not burdened by student debt.

It's that simple.