Why are dating apps filled with MC or LMC guys?

[Anonymous]

Just from my own circle, most of the UMC men were dating their wives by 30-32, and married by 34-36. Most of the wives 3-8 years younger, so really snagged those guys in their mid to late 20s. I personally met my husband at 26, married at 29, and he’s 6 years older than me. That’s not to say some of these guys aren’t starting to divorce, the starter marriage guys should be back on the market but many may have a child or 2. This is just my experience though, I do think it’s a tough dating market in dc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UMC men don’t need dating apps. Simply existing and having money and a decently put together life on your mid 30s and beyond guarantees a solid success rate in relationships. Also most mid 30s UMC guys have no desire to date a woman in their 30s. You spend two years trying to figure out if this woman is worth marrying, another year getting a place together, marriage, and by the time you’re about ready to have a kid she’s 37 and needs fertility treatment. Also most divorced UMC guys don’t need or have the desire to date a divorced woman because the supply of never married 20s girls is too strong. I second other advice here that you need to be looking at late 40s. Divide their age by two and add seven. That very honestly is the age most men are looking for

And since that is what THEY want, she should line up accordingly.

This sounds like some archaic british drama on netflix.

We are not commodities that can be bought by the highest bidder before our sell by date has passed.

Yuck for this view of life and relationships.

(But I am sure that wealthy zip codes have plenty of trophy wives and SAHM's who still subscribe to it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy who will support you is not an entitlement. If you chose a non-profit job, you have to expect that men with interests similar to yours will have done the same.

You can try joining volunteer groups that use power tools, like Habitat for Humanity. Softball is also pretty mixed gender. Language focused meet up groups also are mixed gender.

Really, though, if you want to meet educated men, you need to move to SF or Seattle. The tech industries make the male female ratios higher there. There are so many women in DC that men have way too much leverage, and they behave badly as a result. If you are willing to date men over 50, that is also a strategy. I have several make friends who hit 50, realized they were going to die alone, and ran out and married women with kids.

Playing the nursemaid does not appeal, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Man here, late 30s, when women ask me to set them up with my single friends, I have none that fit your description except one that is recently divorced with a young kid. I know a couple male middle class guys, making low 100s that are catches but shy so you may need to be more aggressive when you are out. All the attractive, charismatic men your age are married or cheating (or both).

But there are some, and I agree - club sports (softball is a good one) alumni networks including game day get togethers, I liked the golf suggestion.

Also agree you should expand your criteria and look for mid-40s divorced men

95% of these are men that cheated and are narcissists so they will charm and willingly convince you that it was the wife that cheated or the wife did not want sex.

I would be VERY careful entering into any relationship with divorced men 40 and over. You will be the next victim. 75% of second marriages end in divorce.

+100

If you have never been married, a divorced guy has serious issues and/or a ton of baggage.

Who wants to start out life as a step-parent and dealing with an ex-wife (for the rest of your life?).

Answer: desperate women in their 30s whose bio-clocks are ticking.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am not trying to be snobby but I have been on Tinder and OKC and most of my matches are....not college educated and/or blue collar. Some of them are hot and smart. But I am looking for a longterm match with a 30something UMC guy with a professional job.

Is it my profile? What is going on?

Are you UMC with a professional job?

Yes

You need to network at work. UMC generally meet st school or work... maybe neighbors. Do you live in a nice building of 30 professionals? Have a ‘block party’ in common room. Use building gym more (but $$$ gym works too). UMC on OKC and tinder are looking for hot 20 something for a fling, not 30 year with ticking clock.

Great idea. I work for an international development non profit so my colleagues are all women and gay men. :\

You work for an org does that definitely does not pay you well. You would never really cross paths with UMC men at a Chemonics or the like. Why didn't you try harder to meet men in grad school? Certainly, there would have been men going into consulting or something there.

I met my soon to be ex husband in graduate school. And yes my career doesn't pay "UMC salary" but I have had the "UMC life" of international travel, intellectual conversations about foreign policy, art books and politics. Its hard to chat with someone who's best trip ever was NYC. Or someone that doesn't know about quinoa.

OP, have you tried socializing with your alumni groups? At least that way you know the guys will have the education that you want. I posted before that you need to let your network know you want to be set up. Expand your network and ask married women for help with blind dates.

I mean this gently, but is your profession one that has a long career path? Most female non-profit workers I've known don't make much money, and they either enter better paying fields or drop out of the workforce to become SAHMs by their early 30's. I really haven't seen a lot of late 30's plus women still working these $60K/year jobs. The ones I know who do are married to other low earners so not working isn't an option. I didn't meet my husband until my early 30's, and I can say that there seemed to be a big difference in salary expectations for women in their late 20's/early 30's than in early 20's. Early 20's, most guys weren't looking at a woman's earning potential. By late 20's/early 30's, many men were looking for either a good earner so they could have a good HHI together or the guy made lots of money and wanted a wife who would become a SAHM. Salary can disqualify a woman much more at that stage of life. I made a good salary so I had tons of dating prospects, but lots of guy friends nixed women who wouldn't be able to contribute to the UMC lifestyle they wanted. No disrespect intended towards any profession, just trying to help OP identify any potential issues to meeting the kind of guy she says she's looking for.

Thank you for your feedback. I have thought about this, yes. I need to find out how I can leverage my experience into a better paying career path, There is a very real possibility I may be alone so I need to determine how to support myself.

PP here again. OP, definitely get on that better career path, but don't give up hope of finding a spouse. Remember that you only need one right guy. Chin up, start living your best life, and get to work on asking your network to set you up! You can do this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A guy who will support you is not an entitlement. If you chose a non-profit job, you have to expect that men with interests similar to yours will have done the same.

You can try joining volunteer groups that use power tools, like Habitat for Humanity. Softball is also pretty mixed gender. Language focused meet up groups also are mixed gender.

Really, though, if you want to meet educated men, you need to move to SF or Seattle. The tech industries make the male female ratios higher there. There are so many women in DC that men have way too much leverage, and they behave badly as a result. If you are willing to date men over 50, that is also a strategy. I have several make friends who hit 50, realized they were going to die alone, and ran out and married women with kids.

Playing the nursemaid does not appeal, sorry.

He's got money, you have a vajayjay, everyone gets something out of the arrangement.

[Anonymous]

We are not commodities that can be bought by the highest bidder before our sell by date has passed.

Yes you are. But cats are always a fall-back option for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The UMC guys I know, particularly the older ones, would never dream of seriously dating someone from an app. They meet women through their circle of friends, their country club, and activities like golf. Sign up for golf lessons and join a club if you can.

She wants to date guys in their 30s, not some old bastard.

What she wants =/= what she can get.

UMC guys in their 30s don't want some divorced chick with rapidly declining fertility.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for club sports like softball. My best friend met her husband that way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am not trying to be snobby but I have been on Tinder and OKC and most of my matches are....not college educated and/or blue collar. Some of them are hot and smart. But I am looking for a longterm match with a 30something UMC guy with a professional job.

Is it my profile? What is going on?

Are you UMC with a professional job?

Yes

You need to network at work. UMC generally meet st school or work... maybe neighbors. Do you live in a nice building of 30 professionals? Have a ‘block party’ in common room. Use building gym more (but $$$ gym works too). UMC on OKC and tinder are looking for hot 20 something for a fling, not 30 year with ticking clock.

Great idea. I work for an international development non profit so my colleagues are all women and gay men. :\

You work for an org does that definitely does not pay you well. You would never really cross paths with UMC men at a Chemonics or the like. Why didn't you try harder to meet men in grad school? Certainly, there would have been men going into consulting or something there.

I met my soon to be ex husband in graduate school. And yes my career doesn't pay "UMC salary" but I have had the "UMC life" of international travel, intellectual conversations about foreign policy, art books and politics. Its hard to chat with someone who's best trip ever was NYC. Or someone that doesn't know about quinoa.

Quinoa is overrated and NYC is arguably (or at least in the conversation) the most exciting city in the world (maybe not so much at the moment )

Broaden your horizons OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. I should just buy cats and say goodbye to any chance of finding a normal well adjusted professional guy eh?

Find a divorced guy. I know a young looking 52 yo guy divorced who would love to have another family. There’s no shame in that if you connect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The UMC guys I know, particularly the older ones, would never dream of seriously dating someone from an app. They meet women through their circle of friends, their country club, and activities like golf. Sign up for golf lessons and join a club if you can.

Not true, know plenty of friends who have met someone on bumble

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.I am recently separated and would like to meet a similar minded professional guy to build a family with.

If you're serious about meeting someone UMC, then I agree with everyone else -- get off the dating apps and network within your UMC circle hard. That's the only way you'll really find a UMC worth dating.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm married but fit your description.. Evey person I dated was met through school, work, or a set-up from someone in those two places. My advice? Golf or tennis. Mostly men, both UMC. It will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMC men don’t need dating apps. Simply existing and having money and a decently put together life on your mid 30s and beyond guarantees a solid success rate in relationships. Also most mid 30s UMC guys have no desire to date a woman in their 30s. You spend two years trying to figure out if this woman is worth marrying, another year getting a place together, marriage, and by the time you’re about ready to have a kid she’s 37 and needs fertility treatment. Also most divorced UMC guys don’t need or have the desire to date a divorced woman because the supply of never married 20s girls is too strong. I second other advice here that you need to be looking at late 40s. Divide their age by two and add seven. That very honestly is the age most men are looking for

And since that is what THEY want, she should line up accordingly.

This sounds like some archaic british drama on netflix.

We are not commodities that can be bought by the highest bidder before our sell by date has passed.

Yuck for this view of life and relationships.

(But I am sure that wealthy zip codes have plenty of trophy wives and SAHM's who still subscribe to it.)

Wow. You sound bitter and out of touch. You make not like the way PP wrote the part above but it’s pretty shortsighted not to realize that enough of the guys in the group she’s targeting that want kids will have realized atimeline similar to what’s above and it will affect her odds/success rate. The suggestions many here are making are well intentioned and much more useful at upping her chances than saying “yuck. Things shouldn’t be that way”