I am loving quarantine, but no good way to admit it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love DCUM. Women who post here and say they are having a hard time right now are told to quit whining, know they are privileged, and learn how to be a decent mother. Women who are able to find a silver lining are told it’s obnoxious to post about it while others are suffering. Why do you hate women, DCUM? I feel like we are mostly women here... so much vitriol against one another. It’s like no matter what perspective is offered, it’s always wrong. What should people be posting about then?

+100. OP is being far more gracious in responses to the negativity than I would be. Some of you b!tche$ simply don't know when to quit. Geesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I highly recommend you read the book, Quiet, by Susan Cain, about introversion. It is fascinating, and I think you'll find it validating. It might also give you some guidance for structuring your life post-pandemic.

I listened to the audiobook. It's also good for parents of introverted children.

Thanks, PP! I have this book and just never read it!

[Anonymous]

NP. The American way of doing things doesn’t lend itself to living authentically.

I agree OP, I am really enjoying this time. I have no problem admitting that life pre-pandemic was not ideal, but some of us have to do what we do to make ends meet. Mandating telework should not be necessary for jobs that can effectively be done remotely. Children shouldn’t have to be in activity after activity, but sometimes that’s what you have to do to make your work/school/aftercare schedule work. If a pandemic is what it took for society to open its eyes to how wrongly it’s been functioning for a large segment of the popular, I will not complain; it has brought so much more balance to my life.

For those saying your life was better pre-pandemic, maybe YOU should recognize your privilege, and that not all of us had those luxuries.

[Anonymous]

Like OP I am an introvert and people who liked the busy busy busy running around don’t recognize how incredibly draining it is for an introvert to live that way. Spending the morning on a crowded train, spending the day at the office, getting in yet another crowded train would leave me spent and it was not my choice; I have to earn money to survive. My kids were in a couple of activities and we attend church and my husband likes to socialize. Everything I was doing was for the people in my life but it left me feeling tired and unhappy. I’m not happy now because of all the people who are suffering but I am at a better equilibrium for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Just an observation and not a judgment here: It seems that you were not living authentically before. Seems odd to confess on here while not being able to share with others IRL. With that said, you are still not living authentically.

OP here. I really appreciate this one and it so hits the nail on the head. I have a deep need to please/conform and feel that the way I want to live authentically is not understood by the people in my life other than my immediate family, so have felt a need to hide it. Or maybe it's the way I talk about it that is offputting - I've had the feeling that people think it's a repudiation of the way they want to live and take offense at it. Anyway, thanks for this comment - I'm going to be thinking about it more.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have to “admit it”? Why can’t “we’re fine and are grateful for every day” be enough? Why does it need to be more than that? Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life to be...authentic?

The truth can be brief.

[Anonymous]

I am loving it. I have an essential job where I am out of the house every day, traffic is incredible (commute has gone from 75m each way to 35m), because we aren't trying to get dinner out and get two kids to different sports after work, we have taken family walks, cooked dinner together, and played games/watched movies as a family.

On the weekends, there was an intial push to get spring cleaning done. We did windows/deep cleaned the house/cleaned up the yard/etc and now we are chilling out, going for long walks, cooking more elaborate meals, and don't feel like we need to be doing something all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. It’s perfectly okay to be happy right now.
2. It’s perfectly okay to look for silver linings and be optimistic.
3. It’s not okay to post effusively on social media how wonderful life is, because someone whose grandma is dying and someone who just lost their job is probably seeing it.
4. If somebody asks how you’re doing, you can respond with “we are making the best of it with outside time and family time.” But not “I’m having an amazing time!” Subtlety is key.

There is nothing subtle about your idiocy.

So tell me why this is idiotic. Back up your statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your life seriously sucked before if you are enjoying this current situation. Anyone who had a good life before does not enjoy this period.

Yes for real! This is not living. This is hibernating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life seriously sucked before if you are enjoying this current situation. Anyone who had a good life before does not enjoy this period.

Yes for real! This is not living. This is hibernating.

Extroverts really just can't see beyond their own nose, can they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to “admit it”? Why can’t “we’re fine and are grateful for every day” be enough? Why does it need to be more than that? Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life to be...authentic?

The truth can be brief.

Yes, this: Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life? Seems so. Why is that? Your brand of authenticity seems to require validation. Which doesn’t seem real authentic if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life seriously sucked before if you are enjoying this current situation. Anyone who had a good life before does not enjoy this period.

Yes for real! This is not living. This is hibernating.

Extroverts really just can't see beyond their own nose, can they?

They will never know true joy, as they must have external validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just an observation and not a judgment here: It seems that you were not living authentically before. Seems odd to confess on here while not being able to share with others IRL. With that said, you are still not living authentically.

OP here. I really appreciate this one and it so hits the nail on the head. I have a deep need to please/conform and feel that the way I want to live authentically is not understood by the people in my life other than my immediate family, so have felt a need to hide it. Or maybe it's the way I talk about it that is offputting - I've had the feeling that people think it's a repudiation of the way they want to live and take offense at it. Anyway, thanks for this comment - I'm going to be thinking about it more.

What I say to people is that the pandemic has offered me the opportunity to reflect and make changes to improve my life and the lives of others. Because that's what you're really talking about. Running around faking a social life is bad for you, but it's also bad for everyone around you, because fake friendships and fake engagement with others are useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to “admit it”? Why can’t “we’re fine and are grateful for every day” be enough? Why does it need to be more than that? Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life to be...authentic?

The truth can be brief.

Yes, this: Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life? Seems so. Why is that? Your brand of authenticity seems to require validation. Which doesn’t seem real authentic if you ask me.

OP here. This is interesting - thank you. In thinking about it why I started this thread, the immediate need was how to navigate the multiple "gosh isn't this awful I'm so bored, my kids are crawling up the walls, etc." conversations my friends are having. In the beginning, I was just quiet because that wasn't my experience at all, but then I thought, well maybe I'll share how I'm feeling too, and then experienced that it was a conversation killer. So went back to being quiet, which I'm honestly fine with, I just thought it was curious why it was a friend connection thing to be miserable and felt sad that I wasn't able to connect with anyone on how I was feeling about it or explore why outside my own head.

Maybe less about validation and more about connecting and exploring? I'll think about your comment more though and make sure I'm not requiring validating of how I want to live. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to “admit it”? Why can’t “we’re fine and are grateful for every day” be enough? Why does it need to be more than that? Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life to be...authentic?

The truth can be brief.

Yes, this: Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life? Seems so. Why is that? Your brand of authenticity seems to require validation. Which doesn’t seem real authentic if you ask me.

OP here. This is interesting - thank you. In thinking about it why I started this thread, the immediate need was how to navigate the multiple "gosh isn't this awful I'm so bored, my kids are crawling up the walls, etc." conversations my friends are having. In the beginning, I was just quiet because that wasn't my experience at all, but then I thought, well maybe I'll share how I'm feeling too, and then experienced that it was a conversation killer. So went back to being quiet, which I'm honestly fine with, I just thought it was curious why it was a friend connection thing to be miserable and felt sad that I wasn't able to connect with anyone on how I was feeling about it or explore why outside my own head.

Maybe less about validation and more about connecting and exploring? I'll think about your comment more though and make sure I'm not requiring validating of how I want to live. Thank you!

You’re like a vegan or the Paleo or the non-drinker who can’t simply say “it’s the right choice for me” but has to share every damn detail.