I am loving quarantine, but no good way to admit it?

[Anonymous]

Another extreme introvert here and I feel exactly the same way, OP. I think part of this is just an interesting aspect of being a ‘minority’ on the personality scale. For the first time, many extroverts are forced to spend their time doing the things that introverts prefer, and many don’t enjoy it. Our society is structured around the preferences of extroverts so this type of quiet is disconcerting to many people. Add to that the very real tragedies associated with this disease and it’s unacceptable to admit that this new pace of life is in any way satisfying. To many people, I think the question of social isolation and tangible COVID tragedies have become conflated.

Like others here, I have two kids, and our days and weekends are normally packed with activities. We spend most Sundays with extended family and lots of time socializing. I also commute 45 minutes each way to my job. I enjoy those things because they make my kids and spouse very happy but truthfully prefer my time at home. We will return to all of that once this social distancing ends but in the meantime, I am secretly enjoying the pause and the privilege that allows me to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to “admit it”? Why can’t “we’re fine and are grateful for every day” be enough? Why does it need to be more than that? Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life to be...authentic?

The truth can be brief.

Yes, this: Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life? Seems so. Why is that? Your brand of authenticity seems to require validation. Which doesn’t seem real authentic if you ask me.

OP here. This is interesting - thank you. In thinking about it why I started this thread, the immediate need was how to navigate the multiple "gosh isn't this awful I'm so bored, my kids are crawling up the walls, etc." conversations my friends are having. In the beginning, I was just quiet because that wasn't my experience at all, but then I thought, well maybe I'll share how I'm feeling too, and then experienced that it was a conversation killer. So went back to being quiet, which I'm honestly fine with, I just thought it was curious why it was a friend connection thing to be miserable and felt sad that I wasn't able to connect with anyone on how I was feeling about it or explore why outside my own head.

Maybe less about validation and more about connecting and exploring? I'll think about your comment more though and make sure I'm not requiring validating of how I want to live. Thank you!

You’re like a vegan or the Paleo or the non-drinker who can’t simply say “it’s the right choice for me” but has to share every damn detail.

Why is it ok to go on and on about the mainstream choice (this sucks and we can't wait until we return to normal - reference the endless memes being created around this concept) but any sharing of minority opinions is "sharing every damn detail?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way but it's not something I say to others. I'm just quietly enjoying the family time.

OP here. This is what I’m curious about and wanting to put words too. Why is it not? Why is it fine to say this is miserable but not fine to say that I’m finding peace and gratitude? I definitely agree based on the conversations I’ve had and have stopped saying it. But why?

I'm not this pp, but I completely agree with you OP. I am 100% less anxious. I sleep well, I am feeling healthier in every way, my family is happy, and my house is in order. I just can't say it because so many people are suffering. I am thinking about what changes we need to make in our lives in the future to not get back to the rat race completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to “admit it”? Why can’t “we’re fine and are grateful for every day” be enough? Why does it need to be more than that? Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life to be...authentic?

The truth can be brief.

Yes, this: Do you need audience and attention for your “authentic” life? Seems so. Why is that? Your brand of authenticity seems to require validation. Which doesn’t seem real authentic if you ask me.

OP here. This is interesting - thank you. In thinking about it why I started this thread, the immediate need was how to navigate the multiple "gosh isn't this awful I'm so bored, my kids are crawling up the walls, etc." conversations my friends are having. In the beginning, I was just quiet because that wasn't my experience at all, but then I thought, well maybe I'll share how I'm feeling too, and then experienced that it was a conversation killer. So went back to being quiet, which I'm honestly fine with, I just thought it was curious why it was a friend connection thing to be miserable and felt sad that I wasn't able to connect with anyone on how I was feeling about it or explore why outside my own head.

Maybe less about validation and more about connecting and exploring? I'll think about your comment more though and make sure I'm not requiring validating of how I want to live. Thank you!

You’re like a vegan or the Paleo or the non-drinker who can’t simply say “it’s the right choice for me” but has to share every damn detail.

Why is it ok to go on and on about the mainstream choice (this sucks and we can't wait until we return to normal - reference the endless memes being created around this concept) but any sharing of minority opinions is "sharing every damn detail?"

It’s not ok. The OP is being gracious and thoughtful in her responses and many are just being nasty because... well, because that’s how people are on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel the exact same way. I could have written this. We could be friends and communicate just as pen pals sending fun postcards. I am with you 100 percent. And I can't say it aloud either, as all the piling-on from brats on this board demonstrates. My husband and I telework during the day and try our best to homeschool the kids (ages 10 and 12). Then evenings and weekends are outside time, movies, art, walks, etc. We usually live a very hectic life with lots of activities, school stuff, kid extracurriculars, events/parties, etc, and it's been this sweet glorious breather where we just get to enjoy each others' company and our home. But yeah, admitting you actually have a happy marriage, you actually like your kids and you take pleasure in the simple things like prepping the garden for spring, that you don'r care about regular-life things like new restaurants opening and music festivals -- for whatever reason people go nuclear over that. Anyway OP, it's our secret.

Let's create a secret society. I'm on team OP.

[Anonymous]

Team OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another extreme introvert here and I feel exactly the same way, OP. I think part of this is just an interesting aspect of being a ‘minority’ on the personality scale. For the first time, many extroverts are forced to spend their time doing the things that introverts prefer, and many don’t enjoy it. Our society is structured around the preferences of extroverts so this type of quiet is disconcerting to many people. Add to that the very real tragedies associated with this disease and it’s unacceptable to admit that this new pace of life is in any way satisfying. To many people, I think the question of social isolation and tangible COVID tragedies have become conflated.

Like others here, I have two kids, and our days and weekends are normally packed with activities. We spend most Sundays with extended family and lots of time socializing. I also commute 45 minutes each way to my job. I enjoy those things because they make my kids and spouse very happy but truthfully prefer my time at home. We will return to all of that once this social distancing ends but in the meantime, I am secretly enjoying the pause and the privilege that allows me to do so.

OP here - this is fascinating!! It's like this is how the world would be for (privileged, absolutely) introverts to thrive and so we're finally at peace. Regular life is built for extroverts, where us introverts don't feel like we can be our authentic selves. What an interesting dichotomy. I really do need to read that Quiet book.

[Anonymous]

hey thanks guys! I've found this thread so useful, I really really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

I'm an ambivert, and while I wish so many weren't suffering, we have some really nice silver linings in our own home. I've LOVED having time to cook again - getting creative with what's in our cupboards and the freezer to see how long we can survive without a trip to the grocery store, forcing myself to stop work and chores to play with the kids, because they've been robbed of their playmates. Big picture, it super sux, but there are some upsides I'm making sure to embrace. Absolutely much easier with the privilege that gives me a house where I can hide for a few hours to do paid work, and a kitchen that was well stocked beforehand - and our health.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit that this post, and its supporters, stress me out. No doubt, it is nice to get paid and not have to commute or run around for crazy schedules but those were choices that you made for your life. If you didn't like, you could have changed it.
Your happiness is also built on other people's back, e.g. people that stock groceries, keep your lights on, pick up your trash etc.
Lastly, your posts triggers a fear in me that this continues on just because some people like the way things are now.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need validation and attention for your choices and preferences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit that this post, and its supporters, stress me out. No doubt, it is nice to get paid and not have to commute or run around for crazy schedules but those were choices that you made for your life. If you didn't like, you could have changed it.
Your happiness is also built on other people's back, e.g. people that stock groceries, keep your lights on, pick up your trash etc.
Lastly, your posts triggers a fear in me that this continues on just because some people like the way things are now.

Getting paid isn't really a choice, unless you're independently wealthy. And commuting isn't much of a choice, either--most businesses have been slow to embrace telework. So I don't find your arguments compelling. You just liked the way it was because it suited you.

[Anonymous]

OP. I am actually out of work, so the financial part of this sucks.

But I do like the quarantine also. So much more time with the family. So nice to see everyone out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another extreme introvert here and I feel exactly the same way, OP. I think part of this is just an interesting aspect of being a ‘minority’ on the personality scale. For the first time, many extroverts are forced to spend their time doing the things that introverts prefer, and many don’t enjoy it. Our society is structured around the preferences of extroverts so this type of quiet is disconcerting to many people. Add to that the very real tragedies associated with this disease and it’s unacceptable to admit that this new pace of life is in any way satisfying. To many people, I think the question of social isolation and tangible COVID tragedies have become conflated.

Like others here, I have two kids, and our days and weekends are normally packed with activities. We spend most Sundays with extended family and lots of time socializing. I also commute 45 minutes each way to my job. I enjoy those things because they make my kids and spouse very happy but truthfully prefer my time at home. We will return to all of that once this social distancing ends but in the meantime, I am secretly enjoying the pause and the privilege that allows me to do so.

OP here - this is fascinating!! It's like this is how the world would be for (privileged, absolutely) introverts to thrive and so we're finally at peace. Regular life is built for extroverts, where us introverts don't feel like we can be our authentic selves. What an interesting dichotomy. I really do need to read that Quiet book.

DP and total introvert here. I have no quiet time anymore. I used to telework two days, filled with blissful peace--lots of work, sure, but mostly the house was quiet. I could close the door to my office at work. Now, I'm home full-time, as is my husband, both of us with dramatically increased workloads, and with our three kids here, two of whom we're expected to "home-school" via the disaster that is Zoom. My introvert self is dying. There is no peace in my home. Lots of love, sure, but peace? Ha.

[Anonymous]

I am the same. If I could go to the salon and get my hair done and still go on vacation somehow (magical thinking, I realize), I would be 1000% happy.

I was sooo happy to have Easter with just my husband and kids and none of my in laws! And my in laws aren't even bad people, I just don't need to see them all the time.

I'm as snug as a bug in a rug during this stay-at-home period. I hope it lasts until July.