I am loving quarantine, but no good way to admit it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who find this relaxing - how old are your kids? Do you work?

I do. My kids are 9 and 11 and I fully acknowledge that if they were toddlers and maybe even teenagers, this would be far more miserable for us.

I just cannot fathom how anyone with kids who works find this even slightly slower paced or relaxing. I have two very active boys that are six and eight. My job is relatively flexible but I am stretched thin every minute of the day and can’t remember the last time I was alone. My mental health is seriously in a bad place. I love my kids and my family but we all need some space and some structure.

The build alone time into your daily routine. Your kids are old enough to follow a rule that says for the one hour after school/lunch/dinner/whatever, we are having quiet time in our rooms to read/nap/listen to music on earphones/build legos alone/play with trains quietly/whatever. Pick a time and make a rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!! Same here, OP. You said it well. I am loving this time. And trying to do for those who might be struggling.

+2

+1000

This is simply the best time!

No more banal, meaningless social interaction with people you only pretend to like. Don’t you agree?

[Anonymous]

Agree OP. I am loving not commuting into DC and sitting in a drab office building. Praying everyone is safe and healthy but man am I happy and feeling more calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who find this relaxing - how old are your kids? Do you work?

I do. My kids are 9 and 11 and I fully acknowledge that if they were toddlers and maybe even teenagers, this would be far more miserable for us.

I just cannot fathom how anyone with kids who works find this even slightly slower paced or relaxing. I have two very active boys that are six and eight. My job is relatively flexible but I am stretched thin every minute of the day and can’t remember the last time I was alone. My mental health is seriously in a bad place. I love my kids and my family but we all need some space and some structure.

You have to get them into a good routine. In our house, our kids know they can't have screens or do anything fun without first getting all of their assigned school work done. Then they have a break then we start on supplemental schoolwork.

It's not that hard. Our kids are 6, 9, and 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who find this relaxing - how old are your kids? Do you work?

I do. My kids are 9 and 11 and I fully acknowledge that if they were toddlers and maybe even teenagers, this would be far more miserable for us.

I just cannot fathom how anyone with kids who works find this even slightly slower paced or relaxing. I have two very active boys that are six and eight. My job is relatively flexible but I am stretched thin every minute of the day and can’t remember the last time I was alone. My mental health is seriously in a bad place. I love my kids and my family but we all need some space and some structure.

Because we don’t have to rush in the morning getting ourselves and our kids, ready. We don’t have to deal (in person) with crappy bosses and co-workers, and we don’t have to come home supervise homework, and chauffeur our kids around to various activities, and on Saturdays we don’t have to be at some field at 8am, and haul along a snack for 15 kids. I can’t fathom how anyone can’t see how working from home, even with rambunctious kids, could be less stressful than the normal pace of life.

I don't see it. Even with the commuting and shuffling around to activities, I had significantly more free time previously. My schedule is packed now more than ever. I even get up 2 hours earlier now during the week just to try and get work done.

Our schedule:

I am up at 5:30 and at work by 6:30 (becuse my commute went from 75m to 30m.) DH is up by 7 and at his desk in the basement by 8. Kids get up at 7:30 and eat/shower/get dressed are are at their computers by 8:30. Kids know complete work assignments in the morning and then have live classes from 1-4. I get home around 4:30, DH stops working at 5, kids have logged off of school by 4ish. We go for a family walk at 5, come home and cook dinner together around 6, eat together and watch a tv show/play a game, kids can play video games 8-10 while DH and I watch tv/relax.

House cleaning is done on Saturday morning from 10a-12p - all of us know what we are responsible for completing. On Saturdays and Sundays we go on a long family walk, one day we also watch a movie and the other we play a board game. The rest of the time we can all do what we want together or individually.

Before this, I was up at 6, had to poke/prod my kids to get up and out the door by 6:45. I worked 7:30-4:00, got home at 5:30, hoped my kid made himself mac and cheese/pizza rolls for dinner so I could get him to sports practice by 5:45. While he practiced, I answered emails on my phone. If it was my turn to carpool, I would drop my kid off at home at 7:15 and pick up my other son for his sports practice. He practiced from 8-9, got home at 9:30 and either shoved someting in my mouth or just went to bed. Did this 3x/week.

Once this is over, I can't ask my kids not to play the sports they love and have been playing since they were 3y. So, we will go back to the grind.

I miss my old schedule - Wake up at 7, get everyone ready to go and leave the house around 8:15, drop the kids off at school and at work by 9. Usually done with required FaceTime around 3:30 or 4, head home, workout then get dinner ready and by 5:30 we were all sitting down to eat. Some days there is a kids’ activity after but that time was great for getting in a walk, reading a book or work if necessary.

Now, I’m up at 5am and work until 8. From 8-9, get the kids up and ready situated for the day. Sit on conference/Skype calls nonstop from 9-5, try to squeeze in actual work and answering emails and I’m seriously lucky if there’s a 60 minute break to grab something to eat. Plus constant interruptions from my kids. Take a nap from 5-6 while DH cooks. Eat dinner, take the kids out or play a game. Try to answer more emails while we watch TV then in bed around 11. Weekends I just try to catch up on rest or work.

Life was pretty good before. I guess what’s different for me compared to those of you enjoying this is that work has piled on for me. I’m supposed to be taking a vacation day today but still have a fairly full work calendar. I’ve never wanted to quit my job until now.

[Anonymous]

This whole thing sucks, but I'm trying to see the silver linings vs. being depressed all the time about what we've lost.

For me, that means enjoying the free time. I didn't have free time before because we had so many activities. I'm enjoying not having the time suck of a commute to DC. (though I miss the forced reading time because I feel like I'm working more to make up for it.) I'm enjoying having more time to garden. I'm trying to see the disrupted workouts as a positive - I was probably in a rut and I guess it's good to break out of that? And I'm saving money because wine at home is cheaper than wine in bars.

But the whole thing still sucks and I'll be thrilled when it's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who find this relaxing - how old are your kids? Do you work?

I do. My kids are 9 and 11 and I fully acknowledge that if they were toddlers and maybe even teenagers, this would be far more miserable for us.

I just cannot fathom how anyone with kids who works find this even slightly slower paced or relaxing. I have two very active boys that are six and eight. My job is relatively flexible but I am stretched thin every minute of the day and can’t remember the last time I was alone. My mental health is seriously in a bad place. I love my kids and my family but we all need some space and some structure.

Single mom with three kids and working full time (sales). I have a sitter daily- the same one. I could not support my family otherwise. I feel zero guilt or shame. Space and structure are like the only things I can actually provide worth a damn right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who find this relaxing - how old are your kids? Do you work?

No kids, but work a lot. Several nights from 830am to 730pm and 930pm to 1am. Definitely less stressful putting in those hours without a commute.

I need obviously makes sense in your case. But for the vast majority of us it is brutal and we have our kids’ sanity to consider as well.

If your used to working from home without kids then yes this brutal, but in my circle, I know people who were never able to work from home before this, and everyone is saying how great it is, we all have school aged kids ranging from K- HS. I honestly think a lot of it is the break from our kids extracurricular activities. Working full time out of the house and coming home to cleaning, making dinner, and shuffling kids around is so exhausting.

The only people I know who are not significantly struggling with this have older kids who are much more self-sufficient in terms of school work etc. Elementary and under is extremely difficult unless your job is not very challenging or you put your kids in front of the TV all day.

+1 I am generally happy under quarantine. I do work full time but not a high-pressure, deadline driven job. DH is a bit more stressed with his job but he already worked at home 4 days a week so it's really not a change for him. Our kids are in 9th and 11th grades and really self-sufficient and getting more so. They are expanding their cooking skills, helping clean the house without much complaint (we'd had a cleaning service since they were little), and 16 yr old DS shocked me the other day by noticing that the kitchen floor was dirty and actually getting out the vacuum and taking care of it with no comment.

I'm sad to miss planned travel and that this is throwing a wrench into DS's college planning and activities both kids have looked forward to but, big picture, our life is fine.

I agree with OP's comment that it just doesn't feel like you can say that to friends while complaining on and on about it is socially acceptable. It's like when my kids were babies and I loved the baby stage and had babies that slept well. I just didn't have much I could add to a new moms' conversation since it only seemed OK to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who find this relaxing - how old are your kids? Do you work?

I do. My kids are 9 and 11 and I fully acknowledge that if they were toddlers and maybe even teenagers, this would be far more miserable for us.

I just cannot fathom how anyone with kids who works find this even slightly slower paced or relaxing. I have two very active boys that are six and eight. My job is relatively flexible but I am stretched thin every minute of the day and can’t remember the last time I was alone. My mental health is seriously in a bad place. I love my kids and my family but we all need some space and some structure.

The build alone time into your daily routine. Your kids are old enough to follow a rule that says for the one hour after school/lunch/dinner/whatever, we are having quiet time in our rooms to read/nap/listen to music on earphones/build legos alone/play with trains quietly/whatever. Pick a time and make a rule.

I agree. I think your kids need a mandatory “quiet time” in their rooms so you can get a break. Bribe them if you need to, it will be good for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am loving that my FIL no longer drops by unexpectedly and into my house unannounced

You gave him a key with no boundaries...

[Anonymous]

My kids are 8 and 10 and while DH and I do feel stretched during the school hours trying to get our jobs and their schooling under control at the same time, we're generally able to to handle it. I work in the evening and weekends to catch up what I may have missed during the day. With all other activities cancelled, our schedule is much more slack and relaxing.

My neighbor is a SAHM and she has four kids, seven and under. Her oldest is in 1st grade and is e-learning and she's tearing her hair out right now.

It really just depends on the place your family is in at the moment. We happen to be in a good place.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 10 and 12. I work part time from home. I agree Op, my stress level is pretty low.

Contrary to others who find sanity in schedules, I find respite in no schedule for them. I go to bed at 10:30 and wake up at 7. The kids go to bed whenever (2:30 a.m. sometimes) and wake up around 11:30. Which means there are about 7 hours when I am sleeping and they are awake, or they are sleeping and I am awake. It's not an arrangement for everyone, but it works for us.

[Anonymous]

Me too, op- I’m the single mom- letting my kids stay up late (ages 13-10) and that means they sleep till 10. I get a solid chunk of time from 5-10 every morning to focus on work- I like not having the usual hustle of the MS then ES bus

[Anonymous]

Loving it is probably an overstatement, but do like the absence of pressure to always be somewhere or do something.

I probably would love it, though, if my family of 4 had more space. We are very high cost of living city (not DC) and in 1000 sqft with 1 tiny bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!! Same here, OP. You said it well. I am loving this time. And trying to do for those who might be struggling.

OP, it's the introvert in you. I am one too, plus with my maximizing tendencies to push myself to attend social events or have FOMO, this time has had the silver lining of giving me some reprieve from all that, plus reprieve from driving my kids around to birthday parties, indoor play places, gymnastics, rec centers.

On the other hand, I'm working more hours than before covid, and not able to help my 7 and 4 year olds with hardly anything apart from breaking up fights/bickering between them, getting them snacks, and logging them into my laptop when it's the 4 year old's daily zoom time with the preschool teachers. I feel so guilty that I tell my kids to go away and play, resort to them being on ABCmouse or whatever online learning platform my 7 year old gets through her elementary school resources page. I am trusting those are safe, but some of them are not that good in that they are video gamey ( Reflex Math).

And I'm so physically and emotionally tired of all the extra housework. The daily telling the kids to pick up toys messes, taking the time to help or monitoring them so it gets done and we don't trip over messes they make daily, the never ending dishes for a family of four eating three meals and two snacks a day. I load the dishwasher twice a day but still have to do quite a bit of dishes by hand. The extra cooking. The cleaning of the kitchen floors, the bathrooms, that stuff I used to outsource.

I'm just tired of it all. But the silver lining is the part about not having to push myself to do more of the social stuff.