Dating an older man

[Anonymous]

I have a dear friend who when in her early 30’s married a man in his late 40’s. By his mid-60’s he looked and acted very old and in his early 70’s he was physically in very poor shape and when he passed away in his mid-70’s he was basically an invalid. She was 60 at the time and from age 50 on she was taking care of a very old man. She truly loved him but it was so sad to see her, in the prime of her life, living a very lonely life. She is a very attractive, successful and fun woman who missed out on so much.

I am sorry to hear about your friend's husband.

Most people (men and women) in their mid-70s are not invalids. Therefore, it seems like your friend's husband had a condition that materially reduced his quality of life.

I had a close friend whose wife had metastatic breast cancer. The doctors found it when she was 45 and she died two weeks before she turned 54. It was horrible, and he truly loved her. He is also attractive and successful. Not only did he miss out "on so much", but most of his wife's final three years felt like a horror show of chemo, radiation therapy, and surgery.

People get sick (like your friend's husband and my friend's wife.) The idea that a woman should not marry someone much older because it is inevitable that he will become an invalid is false, and can cheat us of the courage to love who we love.

To all the posters who noted that she could have left her older, sickly husband, you are right. My friend could have left his wife as well. I proud of both because they had the courage to help someone they love face an illness that killed them. I hope when it is my time, I can love my wife enough to help her or she can love me enough to help me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have a dear friend who when in her early 30’s married a man in his late 40’s. By his mid-60’s he looked and acted very old and in his early 70’s he was physically in very poor shape and when he passed away in his mid-70’s he was basically an invalid. She was 60 at the time and from age 50 on she was taking care of a very old man. She truly loved him but it was so sad to see her, in the prime of her life, living a very lonely life. She is a very attractive, successful and fun woman who missed out on so much.

I am sorry to hear about your friend's husband.

Most people (men and women) in their mid-70s are not invalids. Therefore, it seems like your friend's husband had a condition that materially reduced his quality of life.

I had a close friend whose wife had metastatic breast cancer. The doctors found it when she was 45 and she died two weeks before she turned 54. It was horrible, and he truly loved her. He is also attractive and successful. Not only did he miss out "on so much", but most of his wife's final three years felt like a horror show of chemo, radiation therapy, and surgery.

People get sick (like your friend's husband and my friend's wife.) The idea that a woman should not marry someone much older because it is inevitable that he will become an invalid is false, and can cheat us of the courage to love who we love.

To all the posters who noted that she could have left her older, sickly husband, you are right. My friend could have left his wife as well. I proud of both because they had the courage to help someone they love face an illness that killed them. I hope when it is my time, I can love my wife enough to help her or she can love me enough to help me.

This is almost exactly my story, including the ages. Do I know you?

[Anonymous]

This is almost exactly my story, including the ages. Do I know you?


My friend in the previous post (i.e., the husband with the sick wife) lives my hometown (which is near Waco, Texas), so I am betting it is not you.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know it was tough, and I hope that you have found some peace since her passing.

My friend is a great guy and helped his wife through some very dark days. Being with them helped me see that, for me and for me only, I will refuse medical treatment when the focus of it is only on prolonging my life without any hope of a cure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a dear friend who when in her early 30’s married a man in his late 40’s. By his mid-60’s he looked and acted very old and in his early 70’s he was physically in very poor shape and when he passed away in his mid-70’s he was basically an invalid. She was 60 at the time and from age 50 on she was taking care of a very old man. She truly loved him but it was so sad to see her, in the prime of her life, living a very lonely life. She is a very attractive, successful and fun woman who missed out on so much. I’m sure they had 20 very good years together but is that enough?

Average marriage lasts 8 years and you figure at least two of those years were crappy before the divorce, so she got over 3x that.

10 years of sustained misery is a long time. I feel for her.

If you are the PP who knew her, you did not say that she was actually “miserable”. You were just looking at it from the outside. Maybe she was happy to be with him even in physical decline. She did have a choice in the matter, after all. Nobody forced her to stay with him for those final 10 years.

I am NP who posted the 10 year comment. Just felt sorry to hear that about the lady.

I'm the PP who has the friend written about above. She and I are the same age, as is my husband, and she really envied the life we have been able to lead when we became empty nesters and then retired. She truly loved him and cared for him but she has been very open with me about things she missed. She's been a widow for almost five years and is now traveling and getting out and is now talking about maybe finding a partner. In no way does she regret having married her late husband.