I kicked my husband out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve been pregnant 5 times but can’t carry to term, I would recommend finding a new doctor. You need to explore whether you have blood clotting factors or immune issues (I have Hasimoto’s which can cause chemical pregnancies) or something else. Are you in the DC area?

Part of your anger may stem from not having a diagnosis. The two obvious causes are mentioned above and you can do a blood draw for blood clotting factors and for an immune panel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respectfully, I think you are not currently right in the head. You don’t go from trying to get pregnant to kicking him out if you are in your right mind.

+1. It's crazy to go from wanting to start a family with someone to wanting a divorce within the course of a week.

If you knew that you could be pregnant tomorrow, would you want to be with him? If so, the work on your fertility issues with a doctor and talk to a therapist about your family issues. Divorce won't make you more fertile or undo the fact you waited five years.

This. Either OP really dislikes him and the marriage would've been troubled even if the pregnancy held, or she really loves him and made a rash decision to kick him out. It's going from one extreme (planning a family) to another (kicking him out and planning to divorce).

[Anonymous]

There are many paths to parenthood and pregnancy. You seem to have taken none. Admit to yourself that this is about resentment or something else in your marriage and not pregnancy. You aren’t being honest with anyone here that this isn’t about him but you.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you make good money so what exactly kept him from having children while he was having his professional life sorted out? My DH and I had three kids while only I was in a stable job, and he is still cobbling different gigs together. Works for us.

[Anonymous]

OP, whatever you decide to do about your marriage, I fully agree with others who are strongly urging you to find a qualified therapist. I lost 14 pregnancies to miscarriage. It does crazy, crazy things to you and 99% of people - including a lot of posters on this thread - just don't get it. And you, you think that because you're getting up every day and going to work and functioning that you're dealing with it. You're not.

You need real support. You can't get it from your husband and you sure won't get in on DCUM. Please call your gyno/OBs office today and ask for a referral to a therapist with experience with miscarriage and pregnancy loss. And, from now on, if you do post on DCUM, do it in the infertility forum. We're your people and we know how to listen and what not to say.

*big hugs*

[Anonymous]

OP, either you really want kids or you want to feel exonerated.

If you really want kids, what is the beat way forward? Are you just temporarily reacting to your situation against your husband and that the best solution is to try again?

[Anonymous]

No one would ever, EVER tell a woman that if she failed to get tenure track, she should defer to her well paid husband's will and start a family, or that she was costing her husband's dream. And rightfully

Are you kidding? This plays out every day, on the board. DH makes more, dW moves for his career, or mommy tracks because somey gas to keep the trains running, etc. Women also self select this all the time, putting needs if family over own career. But in the case above, the woman could pursue a PhD and have kids ! Ops husband refused until he was in his career path, while she was making money. He could have started a family and followed his dream. He just didn't want to divert any time away from his job path for kids.siybds line she was willi g to work, have kids, he wasn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op did you actually talk to a doctor? It seems that you can get pregnant so it may not be Fertility Issues. It may be a chromosomal issue For example, you or your husband may have a translocation. I know you are grieving but this may not be an age thing. You get pregnant- you just can’t keep it for some reason so find out why.

This. With that many pregnancies and losses you should be doing a recurrent pregnancy loss panel. This is far more likely to be a medical issue than an age issue. You’re looking in the wrong direction. Instead of blaming your husband for holding off ttc, you should be digging into possible medical causes and solutions. If you were 45 it would be a different story, but at 35 this could very likely be a resolvable medical situation.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thank you to the several kind posters on this thread, even the “tough love” ones. I appreciate it.

I do have really big resentment. I suffered during those moves. I didn’t make much money and felt rootless. I really wish i could have spent that time with a small baby instead since working was challenging and spotty anyway (we lived for 2.5 years in Europe so remote was not possible).

Now I am back to my original career, software sales, and i make a lot of money but I also work a lot. Part of the resurgence of resentment is how much work it is go find a competent doctor and go to tons of appointments and to deal with the hormonal and emotional fallout of miscarriages. I had a miscarriage workup and I have some autoimmune issues likely causing miscarriage. I realize this is not age dependent but I am also 36 and it could take a very long time to actually figure out a treatment. My doctor suggested baby aspirin but that didn’t help and he wants to put me on a blood thinner after pregnancy but I can’t make it past a couple of days with a positive test to even get there. I have to find a specialist for immunology it seems and that is a very murky area.

I was not happy for the years we were moving because i felt completely powerless and now we are settled and for the past year + we’ve dealt with this. I feel like I cannot catch a break. I do need a therapist but finding a competent therapist is ALSO a whole project. I am not in a good place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound a little psychotic.

She sounds like the least psychotic that I've seen here in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, whatever you decide to do about your marriage, I fully agree with others who are strongly urging you to find a qualified therapist. I lost 14 pregnancies to miscarriage. It does crazy, crazy things to you and 99% of people - including a lot of posters on this thread - just don't get it. And you, you think that because you're getting up every day and going to work and functioning that you're dealing with it. You're not.

You need real support. You can't get it from your husband and you sure won't get in on DCUM. Please call your gyno/OBs office today and ask for a referral to a therapist with experience with miscarriage and pregnancy loss. And, from now on, if you do post on DCUM, do it in the infertility forum. We're your people and we know how to listen and what not to say.

*big hugs*

This is really, really great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.
I was not happy for the years we were moving because i felt completely powerless and now we are settled and for the past year + we’ve dealt with this. I feel like I cannot catch a break. I do need a therapist but finding a competent therapist is ALSO a whole project. I am not in a good place.

Me too and my problems are totally different from yours!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op did you actually talk to a doctor? It seems that you can get pregnant so it may not be Fertility Issues. It may be a chromosomal issue For example, you or your husband may have a translocation. I know you are grieving but this may not be an age thing. You get pregnant- you just can’t keep it for some reason so find out why.

This. With that many pregnancies and losses you should be doing a recurrent pregnancy loss panel. This is far more likely to be a medical issue than an age issue. You’re looking in the wrong direction. Instead of blaming your husband for holding off ttc, you should be digging into possible medical causes and solutions. If you were 45 it would be a different story, but at 35 this could very likely be a resolvable medical situation.

Pregnancy loss can also be age related. I didn’t have thyroid issues until I was 34.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thank you to the several kind posters on this thread, even the “tough love” ones. I appreciate it.

I do have really big resentment. I suffered during those moves. I didn’t make much money and felt rootless. I really wish i could have spent that time with a small baby instead since working was challenging and spotty anyway (we lived for 2.5 years in Europe so remote was not possible).

Now I am back to my original career, software sales, and i make a lot of money but I also work a lot. Part of the resurgence of resentment is how much work it is go find a competent doctor and go to tons of appointments and to deal with the hormonal and emotional fallout of miscarriages. I had a miscarriage workup and I have some autoimmune issues likely causing miscarriage. I realize this is not age dependent but I am also 36 and it could take a very long time to actually figure out a treatment. My doctor suggested baby aspirin but that didn’t help and he wants to put me on a blood thinner after pregnancy but I can’t make it past a couple of days with a positive test to even get there. I have to find a specialist for immunology it seems and that is a very murky area.

I was not happy for the years we were moving because i felt completely powerless and now we are settled and for the past year + we’ve dealt with this. I feel like I cannot catch a break. I do need a therapist but finding a competent therapist is ALSO a whole project. I am not in a good place.

I meant to say almost 36

[Anonymous]

What kind of autoimmune issues? A baby aspirin is not going to be sufficient.