Afraid I will get evicted because of my 4-year-old's tantrums -- what are my rights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I babysat a friend’s son while she was at a job interview. At her suggestion, I took him to the park and let him run around. Then I took him to a cafe (to warm up with a hot milk) where he proceeded to tantrum. I picked him up and told him that if he didn’t stop, they would kick us out. He was shocked and immediately settled down. He kept giving the staff little looks every couple minutes until we left.

Oh yeah - obviously the thing that worked for someone who wasn’t the parent over the course of 15 min will obviously work for OP. Clearly the same exact situation.

PP’s DD might be totally unaware that she is impacting other people, but sure... It would clearly hurt to try. It’s impossible for OP to do anything at all, but bake cookies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I babysat a friend’s son while she was at a job interview. At her suggestion, I took him to the park and let him run around. Then I took him to a cafe (to warm up with a hot milk) where he proceeded to tantrum. I picked him up and told him that if he didn’t stop, they would kick us out. He was shocked and immediately settled down. He kept giving the staff little looks every couple minutes until we left.

Oh yeah - obviously the thing that worked for someone who wasn’t the parent over the course of 15 min will obviously work for OP. Clearly the same exact situation.

PP’s DD might be totally unaware that she is impacting other people, but sure... It would clearly hurt to try. It’s impossible for OP to do anything at all, but bake cookies.

Perhaps the child is eating too much sugar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

she gets up around 7. She has a 1.5 hour nap 5x a week at pre-school, and will not take naps on weekends. Like I said, the news of baby #2 seems to have made her a lot moodier and whinier.

I'm willing to try the time-ins and to take her to the car when she is loud.

I've thought of having her chat with my neighbor directly as someone suggested here, but my neighbor is so mad that I don't think she's willing to do that. It's all going through the landlord at this point.

And yea, DC is incredibly expensive - that's why so many people live in apartments, ok?

OP, she isn’t getting enough sleep, especially on weekends. I can’t imagine how sleep-deprived she must be on Monday mornings. Most little just can’t be properly behaved when they’re so chronically sleep-deprived.

Why isn’t she getting enough sleep? Is there too much stress or excitement in her environment?

Please start with the sleep issue.

^Most little children...

[Anonymous]

So many on this thread clearly never lived in a place where it's only apartment buildings and tons of families. I grew up in one. We weren't allowed to be rambunctious or scream etc. there was spanking and yelling for that. (Not that I approve of that, but that's what it was. We also spent a lot of time running around outside in all weather (unsupervised from about age 6). But most importantly I lived in an old building with really really thick walls and cement floors. Not these new buildings which are all cardboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many on this thread clearly never lived in a place where it's only apartment buildings and tons of families. I grew up in one. We weren't allowed to be rambunctious or scream etc. there was spanking and yelling for that. (Not that I approve of that, but that's what it was. We also spent a lot of time running around outside in all weather (unsupervised from about age 6). But most importantly I lived in an old building with really really thick walls and cement floors. Not these new buildings which are all cardboard.

I think construction will change as more families choose apartments. Meanwhile, parents have to teach their children and pets to be considerate. We lived in rowhouses and apartments with my kids without causing ill will with neighbors.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that if the time outs are making her scream so much that the neighbor is complaining-it's not working for you. I mean, you need to not be homeless more than she needs a time out.

I would stop the time outs, be ready to take her to the car if she goes crazy, and don't talk to the neighbor anymore. Just move on. Spring will be here and you can get her outside to the park to run off the energy. Is there local places you and dh can take her in the winter, like a play place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a renter in DC, you cannot be evicted for this.

You can’t get evicted for excess noise? I think you are wrong.

The one case I know was thrown out exactly because it was about kids. Op, just keep saying that you do your best, and ofcourse do your best. If possible, ask for 1st level apartment. Is it a condo building or an rental apartment?

[Anonymous]

People who live in apartments need to accept that there will be noise during non-quiet hours, or just move themselves to a quieter home if they need that. OP, I say just keep handling the tantrums consistently, with timeouts. But if it happens after 8pm, I'd take previous poster advice and take her outside. Also, someone mentioned shoes inside, that makes a huge difference. The loudest neighbors we've had have been due to their stomping shoes. So glad when they moved.

[Anonymous]

I’ve lived in apartments for years. Most sounds from neighbors are easy to ignore. Another poster mentioned toilets flushing. I barely notice them. I don’t even notice the musical crib mobile anymore. But human beings are hardwired to pay attention to the sounds of a crying or screaming child. It’s very difficult to train yourself to tune that out and the sound actually can raise your blood pressure.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely a parenting problem and not a neighbor or real estate problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the person suggesting we move - is that reasonable? Moving is very expensive and time-consuming, and as I said, we live here specifically because it is across the street from a very good elementary school. Also, the apartment below ours is smaller, and we are already crammed with 1 kid (and one one the way) in a 2-bedroom.

I've contacted a lawyer with DC tenant's rights and I'll see what I hear. Thanks for everyone's ideas so far.

I'm sorry for your dilemma OP but please remember the tenant below you also has rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely a parenting problem and not a neighbor or real estate problem

Exactly. Do you understand this, OP?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't move but you should do something besides baking cookies to control the noise. Time outs aren't working. At that age my kids responded better to just sitting near them quietly and giving them a hug and vocalizing what they were feeling. I would also include your kid in this problem. Explain the issue, they're old enough to help find a solution, even if that solution is going out to a cold car.

I wouldn't move, but I would do something to address it.

[Anonymous]

And if nothing (up to an including physical punishment) is working for you, OP, then you need to have your child evaluated - perhaps there is something extra going on here that your child needs helps with. I'm French and grew up in Parisian apartments, some of which were not well built. Children were seen and not heard, let's just put it like that.

[Anonymous]

Time outs don't work for my kid and never have. I think your kid might be like mine. The website ahaparenting has some strategies that worked better for us, mostly mirroring/acknowledging her emotions and enlisting her help in solving "our" problem, whatever it may be.

Don't to tell her you will be evicted (or were evicted) because of her. That's cruel.