Afraid I will get evicted because of my 4-year-old's tantrums -- what are my rights?
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Anonymous
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My 4-year-old has been stomping, running and having temper tantrums, and I'm getting a lot of complaints from my downstairs neighbor, who has been dramatically complaining about to landlord. We are renters in a very old building with thin walls and floors. We already have carpet covering 80% of the floors. What's especially hard is what to do about time out - we put our daughter in her room and she screams at the top of her lungs. I know this must be hard for our neighbor, but I don't know what to do. The landlord has suggested taking her outside to the car when she's like that, but it's the middle of winter, and I can't imagine logistics of getting her and myself bundled up to do that.
I am trying my very best to keep her from being so loud, and when things escalate, I feel my only trump card is time out - which just makes the noise worse. I'm worried we will get evicted, and I'm seeing conflicting information online. Anyone know what my rights are here, as a renter in DC? Other stuff:We live right across the street from a very good elementary school, and it's too expensive to own a home or rent a row house in this area. Also, we are about to have a baby, which is obviously going to make the noise 10x worse. The vast majority of the noise is during the day, so NOT during our "quiet hours" of 10pm-7am. |
Anonymous
| Buy a bunch of stuff your neighbor likes. Gift card to local restaurants so when your kid is having a tantrum they can go get dinner. Wine, nice cheese, a warm blanket. Basically bribe your neighbor to not complain. It will cost a few hundred bucks, but will give you some time and piece of mind. This is a short phase. Time outs will work so much h better and quieter once they are consistent and no drama (which right now because of the stress you are feeling is not the case). Explain to your neighbor you need a few months to get this under control and you super appreciate what a good neighbor she / he is and am sorry about this and please take these gifts as a show of compassion and your will do everything to get this phase to be as short as possible and thanks. Then be super nice when you see them but look disheveled and tired like you have been trying hard ? |
Anonymous
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OP here:
I have made my neighbor homemade cookies 2x and also had a lengthy, empathetic conversation with her about it in person. We've clearly moved beyond the ability to handle this ourselves. |
Anonymous
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I would guess the downstairs tenant is not going to get nicer about this, especially seeing it will probably get worse since you're pregnant. I would definitely find out what your rights are.
Does someone here know if you can call 311 to get more information? Or is there a renter's rights office of some sort? |
Anonymous
| We live in a complex that is essentially townhouse units interspersed with 1-2 bedroom apartments. One of our neighbors is a single mom with two kids. She is clearly overwhelmed with the younger child and there’s a lot of screaming and crying from them both. She has rebuffed my and my daughter’s overtures to take the little girl for an hour so she can get a break. The older boy is my DD’s friend and comes to play occasionally, but she won’t send the little one. We’ve never complained to management although I have considered calling social services to get them some help. |
Anonymous
| Yes, you can get evicted for excessive noise. Makes no difference what kind of noise it is. |
Anonymous
| Are there any lawyers here who know the actual law about this in DC? |
Anonymous
| I am a DC landlord on a very small scale. I don't know the details, but i hear over and over that it's basically impossible to evict a DC non-commercial renter. |
Anonymous
| You need to move. No amount of gift cards is going to work. |
Anonymous
| This came up Popville once I think but I can’t seem to find the link. Anyway, maybe try asking there, people always give good advice about who to call to get info on the law etc. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like you need a first floor apartment OP. Any way the tenant downstairs would be open to swap? |
Anonymous
| Have you considered time-in instead of time out? When my dd (now 6) is acting up or throwing a tantrum, I sit with her in a quiet place. We’ll just sit silently at first, usually with her on my lap, do some breathing exercises, etc. Once she’s calmed down, we can talk about whatever is going on with her behavior/what’s triggering her. I heard about this technique here first. It sounded strange and like rewarding bad behavior with attention. However, it’s really worked wonders, especially when dd was a toddler and preschooler. |
Anonymous
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OP here. To the person suggesting we move - is that reasonable? Moving is very expensive and time-consuming, and as I said, we live here specifically because it is across the street from a very good elementary school. Also, the apartment below ours is smaller, and we are already crammed with 1 kid (and one one the way) in a 2-bedroom.
I've contacted a lawyer with DC tenant's rights and I'll see what I hear. Thanks for everyone's ideas so far. |
Anonymous
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OP, how is your neighbor "dramatically complaining about" your toddler's noise? What are they claiming, and are you saying they're exaggerating and/or lying about the noise?
From your own description, it sounds like the noise level is extreme, so I'm wondering how the neighbor is culpable in this situation. |
Anonymous
You posted in response to app suggestion g specific other things you could do beyond this, though. Two dozen cookies and an “empathetic conversation” is not a lot considering the dent you are putting in this persons quality of life. Try a gift card, hand-written note, bottle of wine, etc. the fact that you were throwing up your hands are two batches of cookies and listening politely makes me wonder how well you e handled this with them. |