Afraid I will get evicted because of my 4-year-old's tantrums -- what are my rights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - She does not tantrum daily, and maybe "tantrum" is too strong a word. It's more of a general noisiness on the weekends and on weeknights. Small things set her off, and she has been especially moody since we explained to her about baby #2. As for sleep, we start getting her ready for bed around 7:30, but she does not actually fall asleep til after 9:30 usually.

I will try the "time ins."

What’s usual *total* sleep routine?
Goes to sleep at 9:30pm... Wake up time? Naps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here : As for why we decided to live in an apartment - it is all we can afford. We already pay $1,700 a month for childcare, and we want to send our daughter to the school across the street. We simply cannot afford a stand alone house or a row house in this neighborhood or any neighborhood with decent public schools.


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If you know that "kids are kids" (said by lazy, entitled parents everywhere) then why did you decide to live in an apartment? I'm so shocked at the entitlement of some people. We held off on starting a family until we could move to a house for them. Even when it was a small house, and we had to give up a lot else in life to get it. It's what decent people do. Your reproduction decisions shouldn't constitute a societal problem.

Wait, so everyone with a kid in an apartment is a "societal problem"? So like the entirety of Manhattan? Who are you?

[Anonymous]

Have your neighbor have a chat with your daughter about how she can hear her screaming. 4 is old enough to understand impacts on others, and a little fear of the neighbor won’t hurt.

[Anonymous]

If you live in an apartment, you're going to have to deal with noises. It is what it is. To insinuate that OP should move is very elitist.
With that being said, OP, the suggestions about time in and the cardboard box sound good.

[Anonymous]

I babysat a friend’s son while she was at a job interview. At her suggestion, I took him to the park and let him run around. Then I took him to a cafe (to warm up with a hot milk) where he proceeded to tantrum. I picked him up and told him that if he didn’t stop, they would kick us out. He was shocked and immediately settled down. He kept giving the staff little looks every couple minutes until we left.

[Anonymous]

A slap works better in such situations, OP. Or a bear hug. Or a time-in, as a poster suggested. Just no letying him scream it out. Your kid should know that if nothing else works he’s got a spank or a slap coming.

I know DCUM is very much against physical punishment, but honestly it does solve some problems instantly.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

she gets up around 7. She has a 1.5 hour nap 5x a week at pre-school, and will not take naps on weekends. Like I said, the news of baby #2 seems to have made her a lot moodier and whinier.

I'm willing to try the time-ins and to take her to the car when she is loud.

I've thought of having her chat with my neighbor directly as someone suggested here, but my neighbor is so mad that I don't think she's willing to do that. It's all going through the landlord at this point.

And yea, DC is incredibly expensive - that's why so many people live in apartments, ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your neighbor have a chat with your daughter about how she can hear her screaming. 4 is old enough to understand impacts on others, and a little fear of the neighbor won’t hurt.

Great idea! All the adults need to reinforce that noise is not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I babysat a friend’s son while she was at a job interview. At her suggestion, I took him to the park and let him run around. Then I took him to a cafe (to warm up with a hot milk) where he proceeded to tantrum. I picked him up and told him that if he didn’t stop, they would kick us out. He was shocked and immediately settled down. He kept giving the staff little looks every couple minutes until we left.

Curious here, why did he tantrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - She does not tantrum daily, and maybe "tantrum" is too strong a word. It's more of a general noisiness on the weekends and on weeknights. Small things set her off, and she has been especially moody since we explained to her about baby #2. As for sleep, we start getting her ready for bed around 7:30, but she does not actually fall asleep til after 9:30 usually.

I will try the "time ins."

How do you discipline other than tantrums? What are your house rules? Does she know your house rules? Naps aren't optional, she should have mandatory quiet time even if she doesn't actually nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

she gets up around 7. She has a 1.5 hour nap 5x a week at pre-school, and will not take naps on weekends. Like I said, the news of baby #2 seems to have made her a lot moodier and whinier.

I'm willing to try the time-ins and to take her to the car when she is loud.

I've thought of having her chat with my neighbor directly as someone suggested here, but my neighbor is so mad that I don't think she's willing to do that. It's all going through the landlord at this point.

And yea, DC is incredibly expensive - that's why so many people live in apartments, ok?


Your neighbor is mad because you gave her cookies but have made very little real effort to reign in your kid. Your kid needs discipline. Sounds like you don’t want the neighbor to talk to her because you’re afraid of how DD will feel. Ask your landlord to see if the neighbor is open to it. Like the PP above, kids are afraid of strangers’ reactions. Your 4 year old needs to understand that actions have consequences and impacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I babysat a friend’s son while she was at a job interview. At her suggestion, I took him to the park and let him run around. Then I took him to a cafe (to warm up with a hot milk) where he proceeded to tantrum. I picked him up and told him that if he didn’t stop, they would kick us out. He was shocked and immediately settled down. He kept giving the staff little looks every couple minutes until we left.

Curious here, why did he tantrum?

He wanted a specific Starbucks snack. We weren’t at a Starbucks. He could not handle the unavailability of the snack. I offered alternatives. The baristas offered alternatives. He thought I should crosstown with him to go to the Starbucks across from his preschool. I told him we would not and he temporarily lost his mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I babysat a friend’s son while she was at a job interview. At her suggestion, I took him to the park and let him run around. Then I took him to a cafe (to warm up with a hot milk) where he proceeded to tantrum. I picked him up and told him that if he didn’t stop, they would kick us out. He was shocked and immediately settled down. He kept giving the staff little looks every couple minutes until we left.

Oh yeah - obviously the thing that worked for someone who wasn’t the parent over the course of 15 min will obviously work for OP. Clearly the same exact situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

she gets up around 7. She has a 1.5 hour nap 5x a week at pre-school, and will not take naps on weekends. Like I said, the news of baby #2 seems to have made her a lot moodier and whinier.

I'm willing to try the time-ins and to take her to the car when she is loud.

I've thought of having her chat with my neighbor directly as someone suggested here, but my neighbor is so mad that I don't think she's willing to do that. It's all going through the landlord at this point.

And yea, DC is incredibly expensive - that's why so many people live in apartments, ok?

OP, she isn’t getting enough sleep, especially on weekends. I can’t imagine how sleep-deprived she must be on Monday mornings. Most little just can’t be properly behaved when they’re so chronically sleep-deprived.

Why isn’t she getting enough sleep? Is there too much stress or excitement in her environment?

Please start with the sleep issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

she gets up around 7. She has a 1.5 hour nap 5x a week at pre-school, and will not take naps on weekends. Like I said, the news of baby #2 seems to have made her a lot moodier and whinier.

I'm willing to try the time-ins and to take her to the car when she is loud.

I've thought of having her chat with my neighbor directly as someone suggested here, but my neighbor is so mad that I don't think she's willing to do that. It's all going through the landlord at this point.

And yea, DC is incredibly expensive - that's why so many people live in apartments, ok?

OP, she isn’t getting enough sleep, especially on weekends. I can’t imagine how sleep-deprived she must be on Monday mornings. Most little just can’t be properly behaved when they’re so chronically sleep-deprived.

Why isn’t she getting enough sleep? Is there too much stress or excitement in her environment?

Please start with the sleep issue.

^Most little children...