SAHM who can’t seem to be consistent or get it together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No leggings except at gym. No lounge clothes unless you are in bed with the flu.

Wake up, shower, get dressed in nice clothes (not fancy, but non spandex pants/denim and a presentable shirt or simple dress), do your hair and bit of make up, and make your bed.

Doing all of these things first thing in the morning will set the stage for you to feel better about your self and productive and that productivity will lead to more productivity. Even if you don't leave the house, you will get much more accomplished if you put in an effort in the morning to "get ready"

Why do people keep saying "no leggings"? I work out at 5 AM every day and usually just wear my workout clothes during preschool drop-off, pick-up, errands, etc. I'm fit and toned wearing matching designer athleisure. I detest Uggs. Generally I wear trainers or sometimes a luxury designer sneaker, flat or boot with short stacked heel. On days I go riding I will wear my tall riding boots. In the winter I typically only wear a vest or shell, long puffer if it's really cold.

I invested in microblading and get natural looking eyelash extensions. Excellent skincare routine and BB cream with SPF and this is all I need. I blow out my hair at home and can go up to a week with just touch ups. It doesn't take much effort to look pulled together if you do a little prep work.

So you work out at 5am everyday and don't bother to shower or change your clothes? Gross and lazy. And you only get your hair wet and wash it once per week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM. I have nude nails, cut & color every 3-4 months, gel pedicures that last 3 weeks.

I basically live in lululemon. It's comfortable. I wear lulu tights with a pullover or zip up jacket or a long puffy jacket and nicer sneakers. This is what I wear during the day and I'm ok with it. I can wash it a million times and I don't worry about the kids ruining it or having to dry clean it.

My hair is either pulled into a pony with a plain hat or I do loose waves.
Makeup routine is BB cream, mascara, lip gloss, blush, eyebrow shadow. Super natural look.

I go out and do social things in the evenings often so I'll save an actual outfit and accessories for then.

[/quote

This. +1 The first few posters had rules about no leggings, no workout clothes, but if you’re a SAHM long term, “normal” is going to be defined differently. You are most likely not going to need to wear heels everyday. I would focus on hair, nail, skin maintenance. Working out. And finding comfortable clothing that is presentable - I wouldn’t rule out leggings!

You can wear pants and shoes that are comfortable but are not workout clothes/leggings. Leggings automatically say frump- even if they are lulumon. Since when did the only acceptable clothes for SAHM to be "comfortable" equal spandex and leggings

There was actually an article recently.. NY Times maybe... that women dressed in high-end athleisure clothes were perceived as more polished and wealthier than someone in normal clothes... Do you actually SAH? This is basically the uniform for SAHM (in a wealthy area where fashion is prioritized). If you're out there with young children doing activities, going grocery shopping, sitting on the floor at play gyms or music class, dragging your kid out of the sandbox at the playground and preschool drop offs, this makes the most sense. Some of you judging are in the minority here. No one else would look at a SAHM at 10am at Target dressed in nice leggings and a fitted pullover and think "frump"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No leggings except at gym. No lounge clothes unless you are in bed with the flu.

Wake up, shower, get dressed in nice clothes (not fancy, but non spandex pants/denim and a presentable shirt or simple dress), do your hair and bit of make up, and make your bed.

Doing all of these things first thing in the morning will set the stage for you to feel better about your self and productive and that productivity will lead to more productivity. Even if you don't leave the house, you will get much more accomplished if you put in an effort in the morning to "get ready"

Why do people keep saying "no leggings"? I work out at 5 AM every day and usually just wear my workout clothes during preschool drop-off, pick-up, errands, etc. I'm fit and toned wearing matching designer athleisure. I detest Uggs. Generally I wear trainers or sometimes a luxury designer sneaker, flat or boot with short stacked heel. On days I go riding I will wear my tall riding boots. In the winter I typically only wear a vest or shell, long puffer if it's really cold.

I invested in microblading and get natural looking eyelash extensions. Excellent skincare routine and BB cream with SPF and this is all I need. I blow out my hair at home and can go up to a week with just touch ups. It doesn't take much effort to look pulled together if you do a little prep work.

Separate from this thread, not washing one’s hair for a week is nauseating.

I mix a drop of MAC Strobe cream into my SPF. Top with concealer, add lipstick, done. As someone said upthread, pants with zippers and shirts that aren’t boxes goes a long way toward feeling like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

This applies to me too. Having a child completely overwhelmed me and I couldn’t do both. We waited to have enough kid because we couldn’t juggle and due to secondary infertility we weren’t able to. I’m watching all my cousins having babies and working and not stressed at all. They probably are but not falling apart like I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No leggings except at gym. No lounge clothes unless you are in bed with the flu.

Wake up, shower, get dressed in nice clothes (not fancy, but non spandex pants/denim and a presentable shirt or simple dress), do your hair and bit of make up, and make your bed.

Doing all of these things first thing in the morning will set the stage for you to feel better about your self and productive and that productivity will lead to more productivity. Even if you don't leave the house, you will get much more accomplished if you put in an effort in the morning to "get ready"

Why do people keep saying "no leggings"? I work out at 5 AM every day and usually just wear my workout clothes during preschool drop-off, pick-up, errands, etc. I'm fit and toned wearing matching designer athleisure. I detest Uggs. Generally I wear trainers or sometimes a luxury designer sneaker, flat or boot with short stacked heel. On days I go riding I will wear my tall riding boots. In the winter I typically only wear a vest or shell, long puffer if it's really cold.

I invested in microblading and get natural looking eyelash extensions. Excellent skincare routine and BB cream with SPF and this is all I need. I blow out my hair at home and can go up to a week with just touch ups. It doesn't take much effort to look pulled together if you do a little prep work.

So you work out at 5am everyday and don't bother to shower or change your clothes? Gross and lazy. And you only get your hair wet and wash it once per week?

Okay, you realize that different people have different body chemistry and different hair types? Did you even know there are different ways to work out? Crazy, I know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

This applies to me too. Having a child completely overwhelmed me and I couldn’t do both. We waited to have enough kid because we couldn’t juggle and due to secondary infertility we weren’t able to. I’m watching all my cousins having babies and working and not stressed at all. They probably are but not falling apart like I did.

Every single mom with young babies or children, working or SAH, is overwhelmed to some degree. The ones that say they aren't are lying. The act of taking care of young children who need so much of our attention is emotional and physically draining if you are putting any care or thought into it. Some think they are a total mess, and look pretty damn good from the outside looking in. Some feel like they look spectacular and maybe aren't quite as pulled together as they think. Some feel guilt that they don't love every single moment of baby classes and changing diapers. Some feel guilt that they travel for work and miss out on milestones or school events. Can we just admit we are ALL struggling to make the best out of these years and support each other the best we can?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a frumpy SAHM too, OP. As it turned out, I did have undiagnosed ADHD, which was formally discovered when my DS was diagnosed with ADHD years later. My kids were well cared for, but I gained a lot of weight, became slobby, and was depressed.

I ended up going back to work and eventually getting ADHD treatment. I am not sure which made it better. Now I WOH.

One thing is that your kids may have ADHD too, so getting some awareness would be good. I am really good at advocating and caring for my kid with SNs. Myself, not so much.

Good luck.

What were your steps in getting your ADHD diagnosed, other than your son's diagnosis, if you don't mind me asking? Thanks for sharing your story.

When my DS started struggling, I recognized some of the patterns (not all, sadly for me, the H part doesn't take the form of athleticism like it does with my DS!) I eventually took a diagnostic test like this one

https://add.org/adhd-test/

I then asked my DS's neuropsychiatrist for a referral and went from there. The doctor said my experience is really common. ADHD in girls/women isn't well-recognized, and mothers are sometimes diagnosed after their kids.

Good luck. It hasn't been the easiest of journeys, but I am much better off with a diagnosis, therapy, and low-dose meds.

[Anonymous]

When I was staying at home, which I really liked and did for a long time, here are some things that helped:
Upgraded work out clothes
A Gym with child care - it’s usually full of sahms and their kids, great environment for moms and kids - and the exercised made me feel and look better.
A fresh haircut
Sunglasses! For when your eyes are too tired to be seen by the public
Find one thing to do Per week that is JUST fun, bounce house,
Ice cream, buying a new toy or book, Etc. one day, my kids and I bought fun umbrellas.

Hugs,
A lot of us have been in your shoes. ITs hard, and the rewards don’t reveal themselves for a looong time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was staying at home, which I really liked and did for a long time, here are some things that helped:
Upgraded work out clothes
A Gym with child care - it’s usually full of sahms and their kids, great environment for moms and kids - and the exercised made me feel and look better.
A fresh haircut
Sunglasses! For when your eyes are too tired to be seen by the public
Find one thing to do Per week that is JUST fun, bounce house,
Ice cream, buying a new toy or book, Etc. one day, my kids and I bought fun umbrellas.

Hugs,
A lot of us have been in your shoes. ITs hard, and the rewards don’t reveal themselves for a looong time.

Op here, thank you so so much. I needed to hear those last couple of sentences.

[Anonymous]

Sounds crazy but get up at 4:30 or 5 everyday. First two weeks will suck. That time by myself before kids and spouse get up are the most productive hours of my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No leggings except at gym. No lounge clothes unless you are in bed with the flu.

Wake up, shower, get dressed in nice clothes (not fancy, but non spandex pants/denim and a presentable shirt or simple dress), do your hair and bit of make up, and make your bed.

Doing all of these things first thing in the morning will set the stage for you to feel better about your self and productive and that productivity will lead to more productivity. Even if you don't leave the house, you will get much more accomplished if you put in an effort in the morning to "get ready"

Why do people keep saying "no leggings"? I work out at 5 AM every day and usually just wear my workout clothes during preschool drop-off, pick-up, errands, etc. I'm fit and toned wearing matching designer athleisure. I detest Uggs. Generally I wear trainers or sometimes a luxury designer sneaker, flat or boot with short stacked heel. On days I go riding I will wear my tall riding boots. In the winter I typically only wear a vest or shell, long puffer if it's really cold.

I invested in microblading and get natural looking eyelash extensions. Excellent skincare routine and BB cream with SPF and this is all I need. I blow out my hair at home and can go up to a week with just touch ups. It doesn't take much effort to look pulled together if you do a little prep work.

Yea I agree with this - if your hair looks nice and you’re fit, leggings look great. Ever see candid pics of celebs? They’re almost always in athleisure because it’s LA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

True in my case. I found out way too late. In hindsight I should have been treated for ADD and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

This is a good post. Although I always Worked out of home, I find some of the things some of the posters mentioned about ADD in women might have applied to me. It might have been helpful to have known when my kids were still young and I was trying to manage all.

Is it still helpful in anyway to be diagnosed as ADD as an adult? Aren’t habits formed by this time and so does it change anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what was your life like before kids? I know a lot of SAHMs who became SAHMs due at least in part to undiagnosed ADHD that made the work/kid juggle a complete nonstarter.

Wow. This is me exactly. I was a very successful business person before kids but just could not do the juggle. Finally diagnosed with ADD a few years ago and trying to get back into the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No leggings except at gym. No lounge clothes unless you are in bed with the flu.

Wake up, shower, get dressed in nice clothes (not fancy, but non spandex pants/denim and a presentable shirt or simple dress), do your hair and bit of make up, and make your bed.

Doing all of these things first thing in the morning will set the stage for you to feel better about your self and productive and that productivity will lead to more productivity. Even if you don't leave the house, you will get much more accomplished if you put in an effort in the morning to "get ready"

Why do people keep saying "no leggings"? I work out at 5 AM every day and usually just wear my workout clothes during preschool drop-off, pick-up, errands, etc. I'm fit and toned wearing matching designer athleisure. I detest Uggs. Generally I wear trainers or sometimes a luxury designer sneaker, flat or boot with short stacked heel. On days I go riding I will wear my tall riding boots. In the winter I typically only wear a vest or shell, long puffer if it's really cold.

I invested in microblading and get natural looking eyelash extensions. Excellent skincare routine and BB cream with SPF and this is all I need. I blow out my hair at home and can go up to a week with just touch ups. It doesn't take much effort to look pulled together if you do a little prep work.

Yea I agree with this - if your hair looks nice and you’re fit, leggings look great. Ever see candid pics of celebs? They’re almost always in athleisure because it’s LA.

The 20 yr old celebrity, maybe. But middle aged women in leggings all day is not a good look, no matter how fit you think you are (and you probably aren't, but that's a story for another time). And the only reason why this may be perceived as making you look wealthier is it is obvious you don't work if you are strolling around the grocery store in leggings at 2pm. No one thinks you are rich because you are wearing head to toe polyester stretchy clothes