SAHM who can’t seem to be consistent or get it together

[Anonymous]

Whoa, the SAHM-undiagnosed-ADHD thing is blowing my mind! I never wanted to be a SAHM, but couldn't manage everything as a working mom and left work 2 1/2 years ago. I've always had trouble with finishing things. But have two top degrees, was a great performer at work -- but that was because I could put a TON of time into my work.

Now I'm a depressed SAHM b/c I never actually *wanted* to do it. And because it sucks with kids 1 and 3 years old. I'm taking tentative steps to get back to work, but am really scared of the having-too-much-to-do and too much stress of the working mom (parent?) life.

Sorry to drift from your topic, OP, but I 100% feel you as a frumpy SAHM. Thank you for posting and sharing. I have no advice, just empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have times to put on clean clothes on...one pp above, why are you planning another kid? It sounds that you are not financially that great, as you said you don't want to spend money on clothes since you are planning another child. I just don't get it.

That’s me! One of the reasons I quit my job is to have another kid. I won’t need to stay up late to work so will be able to get up early. We are worth 8 figures, but it’s still hard spending money on something I might only need for a few months. My husband spends freely on clothes and looks great, and I’m trying to be willing to spend some more so I don’t look frumpy and dumpy.

Thanks for replying! Given your financial worth, I understand why you want (and can clearly afford) another kid! Good luck! One of the reasons I asked is that I wanted 4 kids, but we couldn't easily afford it, and I was worn out so(as was dh) much with my second, due to insane gerd, that dh convinced me that sticking with two was the best. I agree with him, and it all worked out for us, but sometimes I feel that pang of missing two more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have times to put on clean clothes on...one pp above, why are you planning another kid? It sounds that you are not financially that great, as you said you don't want to spend money on clothes since you are planning another child. I just don't get it.

That’s me! One of the reasons I quit my job is to have another kid. I won’t need to stay up late to work so will be able to get up early. We are worth 8 figures, but it’s still hard spending money on something I might only need for a few months. My husband spends freely on clothes and looks great, and I’m trying to be willing to spend some more so I don’t look frumpy and dumpy.

Thanks for replying! Given your financial worth, I understand why you want (and can clearly afford) another kid! Good luck! One of the reasons I asked is that I wanted 4 kids, but we couldn't easily afford it, and I was worn out so(as was dh) much with my second, due to insane gerd, that dh convinced me that sticking with two was the best. I agree with him, and it all worked out for us, [b]but sometimes I feel that pang of missing two more kids.

[b]

Yes. It’s hard when finances dictate a different family than you envisioned. - also missing my other two

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have times to put on clean clothes on...one pp above, why are you planning another kid? It sounds that you are not financially that great, as you said you don't want to spend money on clothes since you are planning another child. I just don't get it.

That’s me! One of the reasons I quit my job is to have another kid. I won’t need to stay up late to work so will be able to get up early. We are worth 8 figures, but it’s still hard spending money on something I might only need for a few months. My husband spends freely on clothes and looks great, and I’m trying to be willing to spend some more so I don’t look frumpy and dumpy.

Thanks for replying! Given your financial worth, I understand why you want (and can clearly afford) another kid! Good luck! One of the reasons I asked is that I wanted 4 kids, but we couldn't easily afford it, and I was worn out so(as was dh) much with my second, due to insane gerd, that dh convinced me that sticking with two was the best. I agree with him, and it all worked out for us, but sometimes I feel that pang of missing two more kids.

Aww, I’m sorry. Yes, it helps that I will be able to afford help even though I won’t be working, and can spend a little time on myself without feeling guilty.

[Anonymous]

SAHM. I have nude nails, cut & color every 3-4 months, gel pedicures that last 3 weeks.

I basically live in lululemon. It's comfortable. I wear lulu tights with a pullover or zip up jacket or a long puffy jacket and nicer sneakers. This is what I wear during the day and I'm ok with it. I can wash it a million times and I don't worry about the kids ruining it or having to dry clean it.

My hair is either pulled into a pony with a plain hat or I do loose waves.
Makeup routine is BB cream, mascara, lip gloss, blush, eyebrow shadow. Super natural look.

I go out and do social things in the evenings often so I'll save an actual outfit and accessories for then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I do and it keeps me on track to being productive all day.

I wake up at 4:30, go to gym and get a hard workout in, shower and get ready there before going home. Never leggings. I wear jeans and a sweater or blouse/button up shirt usually, simple dresses in summer.

I get home completely ready for the day and energized at 6:45 and I start making breakfast and packing lunches- just as my kids start to wake up

Good lord. How old are your kids and what time do you go to bed??

3, 6,8

I go to bed around 10-11. I do this 3-4 mornings per week and the other mornings I wake up around 6 to be showered and ready before they are up

I have aspirations to wake up at 5:30 to work out with a trainer on days I work from home or just enjoy peace and quiet. I do actually WOH but was just curious about this thread haha. I have an infant that doesn’t STTN yet (soon I hope, but for now he is awake all the time, suffice to say am exhausted) and a 2 yo so I just cannot. I admire you, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I do and it keeps me on track to being productive all day.

I wake up at 4:30, go to gym and get a hard workout in, shower and get ready there before going home. Never leggings. I wear jeans and a sweater or blouse/button up shirt usually, simple dresses in summer.

I get home completely ready for the day and energized at 6:45 and I start making breakfast and packing lunches- just as my kids start to wake up

Good lord. How old are your kids and what time do you go to bed??

3, 6,8

I go to bed around 10-11. I do this 3-4 mornings per week and the other mornings I wake up around 6 to be showered and ready before they are up

I have aspirations to wake up at 5:30 to work out with a trainer on days I work from home or just enjoy peace and quiet. I do actually WOH but was just curious about this thread haha. I have an infant that doesn’t STTN yet (soon I hope, but for now he is awake all the time, suffice to say am exhausted) and a 2 yo so I just cannot. I admire you, though.

You’ll get there! I took a super long hiatus from the gym (and early morning life in general) after my third because she was a awful sleeper too.

[Anonymous]

I was a frumpy SAHM too, OP. As it turned out, I did have undiagnosed ADHD, which was formally discovered when my DS was diagnosed with ADHD years later. My kids were well cared for, but I gained a lot of weight, became slobby, and was depressed.

I ended up going back to work and eventually getting ADHD treatment. I am not sure which made it better. Now I WOH.

One thing is that your kids may have ADHD too, so getting some awareness would be good. I am really good at advocating and caring for my kid with SNs. Myself, not so much.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a frumpy SAHM too, OP. As it turned out, I did have undiagnosed ADHD, which was formally discovered when my DS was diagnosed with ADHD years later. My kids were well cared for, but I gained a lot of weight, became slobby, and was depressed.

I ended up going back to work and eventually getting ADHD treatment. I am not sure which made it better. Now I WOH.

One thing is that your kids may have ADHD too, so getting some awareness would be good. I am really good at advocating and caring for my kid with SNs. Myself, not so much.

Good luck.

What were your steps in getting your ADHD diagnosed, other than your son's diagnosis, if you don't mind me asking? Thanks for sharing your story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM. I have nude nails, cut & color every 3-4 months, gel pedicures that last 3 weeks.

I basically live in lululemon. It's comfortable. I wear lulu tights with a pullover or zip up jacket or a long puffy jacket and nicer sneakers. This is what I wear during the day and I'm ok with it. I can wash it a million times and I don't worry about the kids ruining it or having to dry clean it.

My hair is either pulled into a pony with a plain hat or I do loose waves.
Makeup routine is BB cream, mascara, lip gloss, blush, eyebrow shadow. Super natural look.

I go out and do social things in the evenings often so I'll save an actual outfit and accessories for then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM. I have nude nails, cut & color every 3-4 months, gel pedicures that last 3 weeks.

I basically live in lululemon. It's comfortable. I wear lulu tights with a pullover or zip up jacket or a long puffy jacket and nicer sneakers. This is what I wear during the day and I'm ok with it. I can wash it a million times and I don't worry about the kids ruining it or having to dry clean it.

My hair is either pulled into a pony with a plain hat or I do loose waves.
Makeup routine is BB cream, mascara, lip gloss, blush, eyebrow shadow. Super natural look.

I go out and do social things in the evenings often so I'll save an actual outfit and accessories for then.

[/quote

This. +1 The first few posters had rules about no leggings, no workout clothes, but if you’re a SAHM long term, “normal” is going to be defined differently. You are most likely not going to need to wear heels everyday. I would focus on hair, nail, skin maintenance. Working out. And finding comfortable clothing that is presentable - I wouldn’t rule out leggings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

It is interesting that I have found many WOHMs who have undiagnosed mental issues. They need to go to work because they cannot manage a day where they have to set a schedule. They cannot handle spending time with their kids and totally fall apart during vacations etc. Most cannot handle a sick child either, even with remote work option.
Their worst times are during holidays and they cannot even manage hosting or organizing anything without turning suicidal. However, workplace actually works the same way for them in providing structure as an mental institution would. If only they were somewhat efficient at workplace, the GDP would improve.

Keep dreaming! I am sure your holiday decor is superb and your parties are a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM. I have nude nails, cut & color every 3-4 months, gel pedicures that last 3 weeks.

I basically live in lululemon. It's comfortable. I wear lulu tights with a pullover or zip up jacket or a long puffy jacket and nicer sneakers. This is what I wear during the day and I'm ok with it. I can wash it a million times and I don't worry about the kids ruining it or having to dry clean it.

My hair is either pulled into a pony with a plain hat or I do loose waves.
Makeup routine is BB cream, mascara, lip gloss, blush, eyebrow shadow. Super natural look.

I go out and do social things in the evenings often so I'll save an actual outfit and accessories for then.

[/quote

This. +1 The first few posters had rules about no leggings, no workout clothes, but if you’re a SAHM long term, “normal” is going to be defined differently. You are most likely not going to need to wear heels everyday. I would focus on hair, nail, skin maintenance. Working out. And finding comfortable clothing that is presentable - I wouldn’t rule out leggings!

You can wear pants and shoes that are comfortable but are not workout clothes/leggings. Leggings automatically say frump- even if they are lulumon. Since when did the only acceptable clothes for SAHM to be "comfortable" equal spandex and leggings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No leggings except at gym. No lounge clothes unless you are in bed with the flu.

Wake up, shower, get dressed in nice clothes (not fancy, but non spandex pants/denim and a presentable shirt or simple dress), do your hair and bit of make up, and make your bed.

Doing all of these things first thing in the morning will set the stage for you to feel better about your self and productive and that productivity will lead to more productivity. Even if you don't leave the house, you will get much more accomplished if you put in an effort in the morning to "get ready"

Why do people keep saying "no leggings"? I work out at 5 AM every day and usually just wear my workout clothes during preschool drop-off, pick-up, errands, etc. I'm fit and toned wearing matching designer athleisure. I detest Uggs. Generally I wear trainers or sometimes a luxury designer sneaker, flat or boot with short stacked heel. On days I go riding I will wear my tall riding boots. In the winter I typically only wear a vest or shell, long puffer if it's really cold.

I invested in microblading and get natural looking eyelash extensions. Excellent skincare routine and BB cream with SPF and this is all I need. I blow out my hair at home and can go up to a week with just touch ups. It doesn't take much effort to look pulled together if you do a little prep work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No leggings except at gym. No lounge clothes unless you are in bed with the flu.

Wake up, shower, get dressed in nice clothes (not fancy, but non spandex pants/denim and a presentable shirt or simple dress), do your hair and bit of make up, and make your bed.

Doing all of these things first thing in the morning will set the stage for you to feel better about your self and productive and that productivity will lead to more productivity. Even if you don't leave the house, you will get much more accomplished if you put in an effort in the morning to "get ready"

Why do people keep saying "no leggings"? I work out at 5 AM every day and usually just wear my workout clothes during preschool drop-off, pick-up, errands, etc. I'm fit and toned wearing matching designer athleisure. I detest Uggs. Generally I wear trainers or sometimes a luxury designer sneaker, flat or boot with short stacked heel. On days I go riding I will wear my tall riding boots. In the winter I typically only wear a vest or shell, long puffer if it's really cold.

I invested in microblading and get natural looking eyelash extensions. Excellent skincare routine and BB cream with SPF and this is all I need. I blow out my hair at home and can go up to a week with just touch ups. It doesn't take much effort to look pulled together if you do a little prep work.

It's me. I forgot, I did recently start including dip powder nails and I love that my hands can look beautiful for up to 3 weeks between visits. It makes a big difference, imo. I generally get pedicures too, while I'm there.