SAHM who can’t seem to be consistent or get it together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set some ground rules. For me--I don't allow leggings as pants. This goes for workout clothes. If I know I am leaving the house at some point, I put on jeans. Jeans mean I need to put on a presentable top, etc. etc. That's how I got out of the rut last year. This year, I set a new ground rule that I was not going to resort to uggs unless I am going somewhere (and only there!) where I take my shoes off (gymnastics class with toddler). I also make an effort to put on jewelry now that my kid is old enough not to rip it off me.

I like the setting one rule at a time. This is helpful and could keep me more consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set some ground rules. For me--I don't allow leggings as pants. This goes for workout clothes. If I know I am leaving the house at some point, I put on jeans. Jeans mean I need to put on a presentable top, etc. etc. That's how I got out of the rut last year. This year, I set a new ground rule that I was not going to resort to uggs unless I am going somewhere (and only there!) where I take my shoes off (gymnastics class with toddler). I also make an effort to put on jewelry now that my kid is old enough not to rip it off me.

Alternatively you can teach your child to not grab your jewelry.

[Anonymous]

This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what was your life like before kids? I know a lot of SAHMs who became SAHMs due at least in part to undiagnosed ADHD that made the work/kid juggle a complete nonstarter.

Really. I’ve never heard this before. I had a career before kids but always wanted to stay at home. No ADHD here.

That’s nice. “A lot” =/= “all” or even “most.”

I don’t follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

Op here. Although I’ve always wanted to stay at home, I never thought I would let myself go or get to the point where I am now. It sort of crept up on me. I had to change my appearance and my wardrobe to stay home, as I am no longer working in the corporate field. It was strange to go from suits and heels to yoga pants and denim but now that I’m there I find myself in a rut. It’s like I’ve been sleeping the past two years or something and bam, all of a sudden I am ready to get back to me. I’m not a slob, and I do not wear workout clothes out but I’m so far from who I used to be. Someone up thread mentioned depression, ADHD and anxiety. I don’t think I’m dealing with those issues. I’ve just become lacy and complacent over the past 5 yrs and I need help getting me back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

Because you can't bring your child with you. It is hard to keep up these beauty treatments if you are a SAHM and don't have regular childcare already arranged (as you would if you worked outside house) or a nanny. Maybe DH works late and/or weekends and you don't have family to help. So are left with resorting to various high school neighbor girls and college girls to babysit. Finding a babysitter on a random random Tuesday at 11 isn't always easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a work from home mom, and I feel the same way. Having an established place to be every morning really kicks off the daily routine.

+1

[Anonymous]

I also think a woman’s natural interest in beauty and fashion pre kids is a significant factor in how well she’s able to keep up with those things post kids. My girlfriends who were never really into it were the first to (subconsciously?) dial back personal care once they had kids.

If you loved it, try to recapture that magic again. See it as your treasured personal care time and protect it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

Because you can't bring your child with you. It is hard to keep up these beauty treatments if you are a SAHM and don't have regular childcare already arranged (as you would if you worked outside house) or a nanny. Maybe DH works late and/or weekends and you don't have family to help. So are left with resorting to various high school neighbor girls and college girls to babysit. Finding a babysitter on a random random Tuesday at 11 isn't always easy.

So true. I wouldn’t take my baby or toddler in a nail salon with all of the toxic smells going on in there, plus how can I watch my kids if I’m being getting my hair, a wax or nails done.

[Anonymous]

At 4 and 5 your kids are now in pre k and k now. You have time while they’re at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what was your life like before kids? I know a lot of SAHMs who became SAHMs due at least in part to undiagnosed ADHD that made the work/kid juggle a complete nonstarter.

Really. I’ve never heard this before. I had a career before kids but always wanted to stay at home. No ADHD here.

That’s nice. “A lot” =/= “all” or even “most.”

I don’t follow.

OP mentioned being disorganized and struggling a lot with finishing what she started. I asked for more info because women with ADHD often find they were not diagnosed as children, and I personally know a lot of women with ADHD who end up staying home. That other SAHMs do not have ADHD is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

Where are your kids while you’re having all these things done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

Where are your kids while you’re having all these things done?

DP but as a working mom I do these things on weekends while my husband watches them? Obviously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what was your life like before kids? I know a lot of SAHMs who became SAHMs due at least in part to undiagnosed ADHD that made the work/kid juggle a complete nonstarter.

Really. I’ve never heard this before. I had a career before kids but always wanted to stay at home. No ADHD here.

That’s nice. “A lot” =/= “all” or even “most.”

I don’t follow.

OP mentioned being disorganized and struggling a lot with finishing what she started. I asked for more info because women with ADHD often find they were not diagnosed as children, and I personally know a lot of women with ADHD who end up staying home. That other SAHMs do not have ADHD is irrelevant.

Op here. I’m becoming more and interested in your ADHD angle. Care to share more? Do you have it? Are you a SAHM as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what was your life like before kids? I know a lot of SAHMs who became SAHMs due at least in part to undiagnosed ADHD that made the work/kid juggle a complete nonstarter.

Really. I’ve never heard this before. I had a career before kids but always wanted to stay at home. No ADHD here.

That’s nice. “A lot” =/= “all” or even “most.”

I don’t follow.

OP mentioned being disorganized and struggling a lot with finishing what she started. I asked for more info because women with ADHD often find they were not diagnosed as children, and I personally know a lot of women with ADHD who end up staying home. That other SAHMs do not have ADHD is irrelevant.

Op here. I’m becoming more and interested in your ADHD angle. Care to share more? Do you have it? Are you a SAHM as well?

I do have it. I stayed home for a year. Now I work but have a lot of support (full time live in childcare) or it would never work. If you’re looking for books, ADHD/executive function books might be a place to look. I see an executive function coach and also take medication.