SAHM who can’t seem to be consistent or get it together

[Anonymous]

Another previous SAHM who had undiagnosed ADHD. I’m back at work now. I agree that you should look into it. Women show different signs.

In regards to your appearance, I agree with getting up before kids, taking a shower and getting dressed. Mascara and lip gloss/stick do wonders. Wear simple clothes but get a really cute jacket and cute boots and that will make any outfit look more put together.

[Anonymous]

Four things that worked for me was
- Outsourcing chores.
- Decluttering the whole house.
- Getting kids into some classes or getting tutors to come home to teach them.
- Getting a babysitter once in a while to give me a couple hours to unwind and plan on peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and I will put aside a couple hours each week to give myself some at home spa treatments. For my hair I usually do coloring, highlighting, hot oil treatments, oil massage and deep conditioning masks or an exfoliating mask. I get my hair cut every 3-4 weeks. The rest of the time I will do some of these treatments at home - waxing, bleaching, facials, Korean masks, acid peels, threading, microdermabrasion, pedicures, manicures etc.
I dress up when I go out so that I am never embarrassed if I bump into someone. All of this does not take more than a couple hours a week if you do it at home. And an added benefit is that you will have such good skin that you do not even have to wear any makeup. Mascara, eye liner and a tinted lipstick will see you through the whole day.

Oooh, please share how you do acid peels, microdermabrasion and threading are home.

[Anonymous]

I Hi, OP! I’m a WAHM becoming sort of a SAHM but not really because I’ll still have a nanny two days a week. I plan to make improving my appearance a job. Obviously not full-time, but I plan to go to appointments while my nanny is with my kids. Mainly eyebrows and hair but occasionally nails. This would not be more than once a month. Right now I “sleep in” while my husband deals with the kids (because I stay up til 12-2 to work) so then right before they need to go to school I change my clothes into sweats or leggings, no makeup, and rush them to school. If I ever had to get out of the car I’d be mortified. Obviously something needs to change. Now that I don’t have to stay up late I plan to get up before my kids do and do my makeup (takes 5 minutes) and put on a uniform. The problem for me is I’ve had 3 kids in 5.5 years and my size has fluctuated, and I plan to get pregnant in less than a year, so it’s tough shelling out money for quality clothes. You may not have that issue. My husband dresses really well and is fit and we have a fair amount of money, so I’m a bit embarrassed that people look at me and probably wonder what is up with me. I wish I had an accountability partner but as you can imagine this is embarrassing to share with someone I know in real life (other than my closest friends, who live elsewhere).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

It is interesting that I have found many WOHMs who have undiagnosed mental issues. They need to go to work because they cannot manage a day where they have to set a schedule. They cannot handle spending time with their kids and totally fall apart during vacations etc. Most cannot handle a sick child either, even with remote work option.
Their worst times are during holidays and they cannot even manage hosting or organizing anything without turning suicidal. However, workplace actually works the same way for them in providing structure as an mental institution would. If only they were somewhat efficient at workplace, the GDP would improve.

Is English your first language? You are a terrible writer.

DP. I am not a native English speaker and I don't think you realize how offensive your post is. It is a cheap and discriminatory shot at a pp that made an effort to reply. I hope you can accept that perfect English is not a prerequisite to post on dcum and that you should not insult and put down immigrants. Not being a native English speaker is not a crime. At least it didn't use to be.

+1. PP’s comment was bitchy and uncalled for. The poster they were replying to was making some pretty nasty comments too though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and I will put aside a couple hours each week to give myself some at home spa treatments. For my hair I usually do coloring, highlighting, hot oil treatments, oil massage and deep conditioning masks or an exfoliating mask. I get my hair cut every 3-4 weeks. The rest of the time I will do some of these treatments at home - waxing, bleaching, facials, Korean masks, acid peels, threading, microdermabrasion, pedicures, manicures etc.
I dress up when I go out so that I am never embarrassed if I bump into someone. All of this does not take more than a couple hours a week if you do it at home. And an added benefit is that you will have such good skin that you do not even have to wear any makeup. Mascara, eye liner and a tinted lipstick will see you through the whole day.

Oooh, please share how you do acid peels, microdermabrasion and threading are home.

I know you’re being sarcastic but The Ordinary has a great at-home acid peel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and I will put aside a couple hours each week to give myself some at home spa treatments. For my hair I usually do coloring, highlighting, hot oil treatments, oil massage and deep conditioning masks or an exfoliating mask. I get my hair cut every 3-4 weeks. The rest of the time I will do some of these treatments at home - waxing, bleaching, facials, Korean masks, acid peels, threading, microdermabrasion, pedicures, manicures etc.
I dress up when I go out so that I am never embarrassed if I bump into someone. All of this does not take more than a couple hours a week if you do it at home. And an added benefit is that you will have such good skin that you do not even have to wear any makeup. Mascara, eye liner and a tinted lipstick will see you through the whole day.

Oooh, please share how you do acid peels, microdermabrasion and threading are home.

I know you’re being sarcastic but The Ordinary has a great at-home acid peel.

Op here. I wasn’t being sarcastic at all. I’m genuinely interested. I didn’t realize that all of these things could be done at home. The oooh was enthusiastic not sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I Hi, OP! I’m a WAHM becoming sort of a SAHM but not really because I’ll still have a nanny two days a week. I plan to make improving my appearance a job. Obviously not full-time, but I plan to go to appointments while my nanny is with my kids. Mainly eyebrows and hair but occasionally nails. This would not be more than once a month. Right now I “sleep in” while my husband deals with the kids (because I stay up til 12-2 to work) so then right before they need to go to school I change my clothes into sweats or leggings, no makeup, and rush them to school. If I ever had to get out of the car I’d be mortified. Obviously something needs to change. Now that I don’t have to stay up late I plan to get up before my kids do and do my makeup (takes 5 minutes) and put on a uniform. The problem for me is I’ve had 3 kids in 5.5 years and my size has fluctuated, and I plan to get pregnant in less than a year, so it’s tough shelling out money for quality clothes. You may not have that issue. My husband dresses really well and is fit and we have a fair amount of money, so I’m a bit embarrassed that people look at me and probably wonder what is up with me. I wish I had an accountability partner but as you can imagine this is embarrassing to share with someone I know in real life (other than my closest friends, who live elsewhere).

I’m dealing with some extra pounds too Pp. and you’re right. It would help to have some one to help keep me accountable.

[Anonymous]

Read instructions for at home acid peels really, really good and follow. My teen dd snuck it from me, left it on too long, and got it into her eye! Luckily nothing was burned, but we sure did end up in the ER for a few hours. Now, that was some embarrassing *&^$.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have times to put on clean clothes on...one pp above, why are you planning another kid? It sounds that you are not financially that great, as you said you don't want to spend money on clothes since you are planning another child. I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have times to put on clean clothes on...one pp above, why are you planning another kid? It sounds that you are not financially that great, as you said you don't want to spend money on clothes since you are planning another child. I just don't get it.

Its not for you to get....And we just don’t get YOU. Find another thread. Seems like you have it out for SAHM’s. Not pp by the way.

[Anonymous]

OP, you either care about your appearance, or you don't. It does not matter if you are a SAHM or a WOHM.

Only you can figure out what is preventing you from being your best self. If there is any issues that you need to resolve to get to that place where you feel organized, then you can surely figure it out. Where there is a will there's a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I Hi, OP! I’m a WAHM becoming sort of a SAHM but not really because I’ll still have a nanny two days a week. I plan to make improving my appearance a job. Obviously not full-time, but I plan to go to appointments while my nanny is with my kids. Mainly eyebrows and hair but occasionally nails. This would not be more than once a month. Right now I “sleep in” while my husband deals with the kids (because I stay up til 12-2 to work) so then right before they need to go to school I change my clothes into sweats or leggings, no makeup, and rush them to school. If I ever had to get out of the car I’d be mortified. Obviously something needs to change. Now that I don’t have to stay up late I plan to get up before my kids do and do my makeup (takes 5 minutes) and put on a uniform. The problem for me is I’ve had 3 kids in 5.5 years and my size has fluctuated, and I plan to get pregnant in less than a year, so it’s tough shelling out money for quality clothes. You may not have that issue. My husband dresses really well and is fit and we have a fair amount of money, so I’m a bit embarrassed that people look at me and probably wonder what is up with me. I wish I had an accountability partner but as you can imagine this is embarrassing to share with someone I know in real life (other than my closest friends, who live elsewhere).

Looking put together is maybe not your goal, but if it is, you've identified the cause and the solution. I WAHM, so slightly (but not much) different pressures. My go-to 2 minute (no shower etc) look is well-fitting (not tight) jeans and a nice (not faded or frayed, fitted) t-shirt or sweater. I also have a 2 minute face (tinted moisturizer plus easy bronzer/contour) when I have the time. Basically, I wash my face and put on a tiny amount of make up every day, and I only wear sweats when I'm sick. I wear much nicer clothes when I need to go into the office or travel, but that's far from the majority of my time. Basically, my goal is to never be in a state where I'd be mortified to hop in the car in an emergency...which is actually not that hard to do.

You don't need to spend a ton of money. Just buy pants with buttons/zippers and shirts that are not cut like rectangles. The one place where I recommend spending some money if cheaper alternatives won't work is on skincare...especially a tinted moisturizer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have times to put on clean clothes on...one pp above, why are you planning another kid? It sounds that you are not financially that great, as you said you don't want to spend money on clothes since you are planning another child. I just don't get it.

That’s me! One of the reasons I quit my job is to have another kid. I won’t need to stay up late to work so will be able to get up early. We are worth 8 figures, but it’s still hard spending money on something I might only need for a few months. My husband spends freely on clothes and looks great, and I’m trying to be willing to spend some more so I don’t look frumpy and dumpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Hi, OP! I’m a WAHM becoming sort of a SAHM but not really because I’ll still have a nanny two days a week. I plan to make improving my appearance a job. Obviously not full-time, but I plan to go to appointments while my nanny is with my kids. Mainly eyebrows and hair but occasionally nails. This would not be more than once a month. Right now I “sleep in” while my husband deals with the kids (because I stay up til 12-2 to work) so then right before they need to go to school I change my clothes into sweats or leggings, no makeup, and rush them to school. If I ever had to get out of the car I’d be mortified. Obviously something needs to change. Now that I don’t have to stay up late I plan to get up before my kids do and do my makeup (takes 5 minutes) and put on a uniform. The problem for me is I’ve had 3 kids in 5.5 years and my size has fluctuated, and I plan to get pregnant in less than a year, so it’s tough shelling out money for quality clothes. You may not have that issue. My husband dresses really well and is fit and we have a fair amount of money, so I’m a bit embarrassed that people look at me and probably wonder what is up with me. I wish I had an accountability partner but as you can imagine this is embarrassing to share with someone I know in real life (other than my closest friends, who live elsewhere).

Looking put together is maybe not your goal, but if it is, you've identified the cause and the solution. I WAHM, so slightly (but not much) different pressures. My go-to 2 minute (no shower etc) look is well-fitting (not tight) jeans and a nice (not faded or frayed, fitted) t-shirt or sweater. I also have a 2 minute face (tinted moisturizer plus easy bronzer/contour) when I have the time. Basically, I wash my face and put on a tiny amount of make up every day, and I only wear sweats when I'm sick. I wear much nicer clothes when I need to go into the office or travel, but that's far from the majority of my time. Basically, my goal is to never be in a state where I'd be mortified to hop in the car in an emergency...which is actually not that hard to do.

You don't need to spend a ton of money. Just buy pants with buttons/zippers and shirts that are not cut like rectangles. The one place where I recommend spending some money if cheaper alternatives won't work is on skincare...especially a tinted moisturizer.

Thank you for the tips!