Neighbors/friends taking advantage of us/our nannies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a neighbor approach our nanny in the park once and try to poach her. We will always remember it. So obnoxious and tacky.

Don't think everyone does know one of those wretched people, and keeps them at arms length for good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

*Cujones.

*cojones - auto correct! But you get the picture. Bad news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t own these nannies.

If they want to make more money by babysitting your friends’ Kids, that’s none of your business.

Except the nanny is not making more money by sitting the neighbors' kids, because the neighbor is not paying the nanny. Get it?

The neighbor is not doing the nanny a favor, because the nanny gets stuck, deliberately and not incidentally, with more kids than the nanny signed up for.

OP, write a contract with the nanny - make sure you include language to protect this from happening. You are the primary employer.

No one is saying OP "owns" the nanny. OP "owns" the time OP signed up for, and what the nanny agreed to with OP.

All of you users can stuff it, because the plausible deniability is not there, and the primary employer can make sure of that.

Sneaky and smart are two very, very, very different things. I have no use for sneaky people, OP shouldn't either.

Correct. Except OP said her Dh was "really pissed" when they called the nanny to ask her to sit at A TIME THEY HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY "SIGNED UP FOR" and nanny said she couldn't because she had agreed to sit for one of the neighbor families.
OP and her husband seem to think that the nannies should always leave their mornings available on the off chance that OP and her husband want to schedule them. That is not fair to the nannies. If OP is not paying the nanny to keep her morning clear, she has every right to book another sitting job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t own these nannies.

If they want to make more money by babysitting your friends’ Kids, that’s none of your business.

Except the nanny is not making more money by sitting the neighbors' kids, because the neighbor is not paying the nanny. Get it?

The neighbor is not doing the nanny a favor, because the nanny gets stuck, deliberately and not incidentally, with more kids than the nanny signed up for.

OP, write a contract with the nanny - make sure you include language to protect this from happening. You are the primary employer.

No one is saying OP "owns" the nanny. OP "owns" the time OP signed up for, and what the nanny agreed to with OP.

All of you users can stuff it, because the plausible deniability is not there, and the primary employer can make sure of that.

Sneaky and smart are two very, very, very different things. I have no use for sneaky people, OP shouldn't either.

Correct. Except OP said her Dh was "really pissed" when they called the nanny to ask her to sit at A TIME THEY HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY "SIGNED UP FOR" and nanny said she couldn't because she had agreed to sit for one of the neighbor families.
OP and her husband seem to think that the nannies should always leave their mornings available on the off chance that OP and her husband want to schedule them. That is not fair to the nannies. If OP is not paying the nanny to keep her morning clear, she has every right to book another sitting job.

Right. SO, OP should book any time that she thinks she will need. That alone gives the entitled neighbor the Heisman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t own these nannies.

If they want to make more money by babysitting your friends’ Kids, that’s none of your business.

Except the nanny is not making more money by sitting the neighbors' kids, because the neighbor is not paying the nanny. Get it?

The neighbor is not doing the nanny a favor, because the nanny gets stuck, deliberately and not incidentally, with more kids than the nanny signed up for.

OP, write a contract with the nanny - make sure you include language to protect this from happening. You are the primary employer.

No one is saying OP "owns" the nanny. OP "owns" the time OP signed up for, and what the nanny agreed to with OP.

All of you users can stuff it, because the plausible deniability is not there, and the primary employer can make sure of that.

Sneaky and smart are two very, very, very different things. I have no use for sneaky people, OP shouldn't either.

Correct. Except OP said her Dh was "really pissed" when they called the nanny to ask her to sit at A TIME THEY HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY "SIGNED UP FOR" and nanny said she couldn't because she had agreed to sit for one of the neighbor families.
OP and her husband seem to think that the nannies should always leave their mornings available on the off chance that OP and her husband want to schedule them. That is not fair to the nannies. If OP is not paying the nanny to keep her morning clear, she has every right to book another sitting job.

Right. SO, OP should book any time that she thinks she will need. That alone gives the entitled neighbor the Heisman.

Which isn’t going to happen with these nannies. OP already said she tried to guarantee hours every morning, but the nannies want flexibility.

I’d recommend an AP or live-in nanny. Nobody else can afford to work 20 hours per week AND guarantee flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was kinda ready to say you’re overreacting, but those are young kids that need supervision. I can see the 6 year olds running between houses, but at 2 and 3 the little ones will obviously need close supervision. Do they send the younger child over regularly?

Yes. They think it's unfair to send the 6 yo because their 3 yo gets upset if the 6 yo comes over without her.

And then they expect the nanny to watch all four kids at their house? Oy, yea, they’re too much. I get that you might want to handle this a bit carefully. I think the plan to do classes is a good one. Sorry, op, I see the issue now.

Thanks, I'm really struggling with this because we truly love the other family and value their friendship. We love their children. I love the bonds that my children have grown to have with theirs and I even love the idea of all the kids playing every afternoon. But ultimately, I have to have my childcare situation stable and I feel like they're throwing a wrench into it whenever they see an opportunity for themselves. The only way I can think to fix this without doing irreparable harm to our relationship is to do things like sign the kids up for classes, tell the nannies to the kids to more after school activities, etc. I'm just so frustrated and I really appreciate you all letting me vent.

You need to set boundaries at home too. Start by inviting other children over for play dates. Have the nanny tell the neighbors that play dates have to go through you. Every time.

You need to ask MB or DB should be what they nanny says every single time. Nanny “doesn’t know” the kids exact plans every day.

How does it help to have other kids over for playdates? The nanny is still watching other peoples' kids. Either you want that FOR YOUR OWN CHILDREN or you don't. I'm sure OP's kids love playing with the neighbors every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, to over use your nanny takes massive cub ones. I am not so sure these people are your friends. The least they can do is pay the nanny.

People are deliberately sneaky when poaching, even if they don’t call it that - that is exactly what it is. In my close in NVA neighborhood, there is a family that owns two houses, side by side. Nuclear family in one, grown siblings and parent of the mom in the next. Ideal set up for a young family, one would think.

Apparently the mom of the mom (grandmother) was worn thin, being on call for the nuclear family and the mom encouraged the grandmother to corner the nanny, so she did. No one ever looked at that family the same, because they showed that it was “never enough”. Plus, they knew the first family paid well, so they tried to pay the nanny $10. an hour - so they were spoiled and cheap!

I don’t see why you should be punished or feel any guilt whatsoever - you did all the work! If this family didn’t know how hard it is to find a nanny, and how expensive good ones are, they would not be trying to poach the nanny.

Those of you saying otherwise are users, desperately grasping for plausible deniability where there is none. Absolutely zero. Eff that. These aren’t your friends.

What? I can't understand a word of this.

[Anonymous]

Have the family sign a waiver relinquishing any liability for their kids when they are over at your house with just the nanny.
I think it's very unfair that you pay for 2 kids and the nanny essentially takes care of 4 on a regular basis. My nanny would have put a stop to that pretty quick.

[Anonymous]

Get an au pair. Then you have all the flexibility you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, to over use your nanny takes massive cub ones. I am not so sure these people are your friends. The least they can do is pay the nanny.

People are deliberately sneaky when poaching, even if they don’t call it that - that is exactly what it is. In my close in NVA neighborhood, there is a family that owns two houses, side by side. Nuclear family in one, grown siblings and parent of the mom in the next. Ideal set up for a young family, one would think.

Apparently the mom of the mom (grandmother) was worn thin, being on call for the nuclear family and the mom encouraged the grandmother to corner the nanny, so she did. No one ever looked at that family the same, because they showed that it was “never enough”. Plus, they knew the first family paid well, so they tried to pay the nanny $10. an hour - so they were spoiled and cheap!

I don’t see why you should be punished or feel any guilt whatsoever - you did all the work! If this family didn’t know how hard it is to find a nanny, and how expensive good ones are, they would not be trying to poach the nanny.

Those of you saying otherwise are users, desperately grasping for plausible deniability where there is none. Absolutely zero. Eff that. These aren’t your friends.

What? I can't understand a word of this.

You are a user.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get an au pair. Then you have all the flexibility you need.

Let me get this straight. OPs annoying and needy neighbor needs free child care, so OP needs to move an au pair into (OP’s) house?

Y’all have more than boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have the family sign a waiver relinquishing any liability for their kids when they are over at your house with just the nanny.
I think it's very unfair that you pay for 2 kids and the nanny essentially takes care of 4 on a regular basis. My nanny would have put a stop to that pretty quick.

+1

OP’s neighbor is stalking her prey very carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was kinda ready to say you’re overreacting, but those are young kids that need supervision. I can see the 6 year olds running between houses, but at 2 and 3 the little ones will obviously need close supervision. Do they send the younger child over regularly?

Yes. They think it's unfair to send the 6 yo because their 3 yo gets upset if the 6 yo comes over without her.

And then they expect the nanny to watch all four kids at their house? Oy, yea, they’re too much. I get that you might want to handle this a bit carefully. I think the plan to do classes is a good one. Sorry, op, I see the issue now.

Thanks, I'm really struggling with this because we truly love the other family and value their friendship. We love their children. I love the bonds that my children have grown to have with theirs and I even love the idea of all the kids playing every afternoon. But ultimately, I have to have my childcare situation stable and I feel like they're throwing a wrench into it whenever they see an opportunity for themselves. The only way I can think to fix this without doing irreparable harm to our relationship is to do things like sign the kids up for classes, tell the nannies to the kids to more after school activities, etc. I'm just so frustrated and I really appreciate you all letting me vent.

You need to set boundaries at home too. Start by inviting other children over for play dates. Have the nanny tell the neighbors that play dates have to go through you. Every time.

You need to ask MB or DB should be what they nanny says every single time. Nanny “doesn’t know” the kids exact plans every day.

How does it help to have other kids over for playdates? The nanny is still watching other peoples' kids. Either you want that FOR YOUR OWN CHILDREN or you don't. I'm sure OP's kids love playing with the neighbors every day.

It doesn’t. The users’ narrative is what a “gift” it is for the neighbors to grace OP with their presence. GTFOH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was kinda ready to say you’re overreacting, but those are young kids that need supervision. I can see the 6 year olds running between houses, but at 2 and 3 the little ones will obviously need close supervision. Do they send the younger child over regularly?

Yes. They think it's unfair to send the 6 yo because their 3 yo gets upset if the 6 yo comes over without her.

And then they expect the nanny to watch all four kids at their house? Oy, yea, they’re too much. I get that you might want to handle this a bit carefully. I think the plan to do classes is a good one. Sorry, op, I see the issue now.

Thanks, I'm really struggling with this because we truly love the other family and value their friendship. We love their children. I love the bonds that my children have grown to have with theirs and I even love the idea of all the kids playing every afternoon. But ultimately, I have to have my childcare situation stable and I feel like they're throwing a wrench into it whenever they see an opportunity for themselves. The only way I can think to fix this without doing irreparable harm to our relationship is to do things like sign the kids up for classes, tell the nannies to the kids to more after school activities, etc. I'm just so frustrated and I really appreciate you all letting me vent.

You need to set boundaries at home too. Start by inviting other children over for play dates. Have the nanny tell the neighbors that play dates have to go through you. Every time.

You need to ask MB or DB should be what they nanny says every single time. Nanny “doesn’t know” the kids exact plans every day.

How does it help to have other kids over for playdates? The nanny is still watching other peoples' kids. Either you want that FOR YOUR OWN CHILDREN or you don't. I'm sure OP's kids love playing with the neighbors every day.

The point is reciprocation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was kinda ready to say you’re overreacting, but those are young kids that need supervision. I can see the 6 year olds running between houses, but at 2 and 3 the little ones will obviously need close supervision. Do they send the younger child over regularly?

Yes. They think it's unfair to send the 6 yo because their 3 yo gets upset if the 6 yo comes over without her.

And then they expect the nanny to watch all four kids at their house? Oy, yea, they’re too much. I get that you might want to handle this a bit carefully. I think the plan to do classes is a good one. Sorry, op, I see the issue now.

Thanks, I'm really struggling with this because we truly love the other family and value their friendship. We love their children. I love the bonds that my children have grown to have with theirs and I even love the idea of all the kids playing every afternoon. But ultimately, I have to have my childcare situation stable and I feel like they're throwing a wrench into it whenever they see an opportunity for themselves. The only way I can think to fix this without doing irreparable harm to our relationship is to do things like sign the kids up for classes, tell the nannies to the kids to more after school activities, etc. I'm just so frustrated and I really appreciate you all letting me vent.

You need to set boundaries at home too. Start by inviting other children over for play dates. Have the nanny tell the neighbors that play dates have to go through you. Every time.

You need to ask MB or DB should be what they nanny says every single time. Nanny “doesn’t know” the kids exact plans every day.

How does it help to have other kids over for playdates? The nanny is still watching other peoples' kids. Either you want that FOR YOUR OWN CHILDREN or you don't. I'm sure OP's kids love playing with the neighbors every day.

The point is reciprocation.

Yeah, well there is none of that, so the neighbor should just move along and find someone else willing to go along with their user scheme.