Neighbors/friends taking advantage of us/our nannies
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Anonymous
OP here. I also think the OP of this comment is ridiculous. The nannies cover on average about 2 hours a day, school/daycare is out by 3:30. Many many kids are in daycare till later. I work long hours, but I try to be home 6 every night to spend time with my kids. Also, if it were my husband working those hours and me working from home, I can almost guarantee that no one would have made such a ridiculous comment. |
Anonymous
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It seems like there have been a lot of great ideas here. One other thing I would do if I were in your situation is to have a conversation with oldest DC and set limits about play dates (that he can't ask in front of those kids, that he needs permission from you, DH and/or nanny before asking, that he is limited to 1-2 playdates per week with this particular child, or whatever other limit seems to fit). Your nanny is an adult and should be able to stand up to his begging. However, since you said she can't, clearly set limits with both oldest DC and then nanny. Let him know there may be flexibility during school holidays or snow days.
Another idea (so you don't feel like you have to do classes and avoid going home) is to let neighbors know you are starting a new after school routine in January and DC will be less available. Maybe something like coming home, getting a snack, doing chore(s), and homework, and then getting free time. |
Anonymous
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Reading though the lines here, I think OP has control issues.
Nannies are not slaves, especially college aged students for whom this is not a career opportunity but supplemental income. OP, it seems as if there was a deep amount of planning to have multiple non-professionals piecemeal a full-time live in nanny job. I am not surprised that the part-time nannies would entertain/accommodate another family who is nearby. The positive relationship that your kids and the neighbors kids have is priceless, and could be lifelong. Given that you have no family nearby, I would think that you’d want to steward the relationship with the neighbors, rather that place intentional barriers to them connecting with your family. There needs to be some deep reflection had on your part. Your kids will age out of this phase sooner than you think, but your neighbors will still be there. The price of icing them out could really just be too high. |
Anonymous
Agree. Some of you are so worried about not being “taken advantage of” that you’re willing to end good relationships! OP, have you actually asked your kids and nannies how they feel about the daily play? Because it sounds awesome to me! Kids get to hang out, nanny doesn’t have to put in too much effort to entertain them and can chill. As long as the playroom is safe, there’s no need to keep her eyes glued to the 2yo. She can even browse on her phone sometimes. This stage will be over pretty soon. The 6yo will get busy in activities and not want to play with the 2yo as much. Enjoy it while it lasts. Re: poaching, that is an issue, but it sounds like the family was thoughtless and agreed to contact you first after you confronted them. That’s not bad. |
Anonymous
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Op they are not ‘your nannies’. They are childcare workers who need to get paid, just like you do. Imagine if your boss said I’m not going to pay you this week but if I call you then you better come in or you will be fired. No. They are allowed to take other jobs. You are too cheap to hire a full time nanny despite all the hours you work. You are the cheap one.
Most people would be thrilled to have close age neighbor kids come over and play. Why does it make sense for you to pay extra money to ship your kids off to some class than let them play with their friends. It’s sad that you can’t spend much time with your kids right now. Don’t take their close friends away from them as well. You are so obsessed with the money that you don’t stop and ask what makes my kids happiest? |
Anonymous
It's not a "good relationship" if someone literally dumps their kids on your doorstep every day (a 6 year old and a 3 YEAR OLD!) and says "here, watch them" and if you don't have time to watch them then you need to pay for someone to mind ALL the kids yourself because they refuse to chip in half, and if the kids play over at their house then they're essentially unsupervised the whole time unless OP sends over the carer that she pays for herself. And then to make matters worse, the babysitter sees the other family as a client too, just on different days, and the situation is muddy enough that she no longer has a clear allegiance and OP can't be sure that she's looking after her kids' interests at all times. I wouldn't call that a good relationship at all. In fact, it's hell. I would actually forbid my babysitters/nannies to have any of the neighbors as clients and I'd flatly refuse to give out the nannies' numbers to the neighbors if they asked. It's just not fair that you always need to wonder whose kids your nanny is really looking after when she's with them. |
Anonymous
You're either not reading the same thread I am, or you're a few crayons short in the box. You missed two points. 1) OP is the one who willingly gives out the nannies' numbers and recommends them as babysitters to friends and neighbors. 2) Why should OP be the one to pay for 100% of what is essentially in all other respects a 2 family nanny-share? 3) OP has offered the nannies regular hours and they refused, preferring the more flexible work. |
Anonymous
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OP, to over use your nanny takes massive cub ones. I am not so sure these people are your friends. The least they can do is pay the nanny.
People are deliberately sneaky when poaching, even if they don’t call it that - that is exactly what it is. In my close in NVA neighborhood, there is a family that owns two houses, side by side. Nuclear family in one, grown siblings and parent of the mom in the next. Ideal set up for a young family, one would think. Apparently the mom of the mom (grandmother) was worn thin, being on call for the nuclear family and the mom encouraged the grandmother to corner the nanny, so she did. No one ever looked at that family the same, because they showed that it was “never enough”. Plus, they knew the first family paid well, so they tried to pay the nanny $10. an hour - so they were spoiled and cheap! I don’t see why you should be punished or feel any guilt whatsoever - you did all the work! If this family didn’t know how hard it is to find a nanny, and how expensive good ones are, they would not be trying to poach the nanny. Those of you saying otherwise are users, desperately grasping for plausible deniability where there is none. Absolutely zero. Eff that. These aren’t your friends. |
Anonymous
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*Cujones. |
Anonymous
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I have a word for you.
No. No, their kids cannot come over every day. No, your kids cannot just take off out the door. |
Anonymous
This. If you are not paying them to be "on call" they are free to take any other babysitting job they'd like. Would your Dh be "pissed" if you called and asked her to sit one morning and she told you she couldn't because she had a dentist appointment, or was babysitting for another family (not your neighbors, but some other random family you don't know) or even just that she wanted to take a spin class at the gym? |
Anonymous
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You don’t own these nannies.
If they want to make more money by babysitting your friends’ Kids, that’s none of your business. |
Anonymous
X 1000 |
Anonymous
| We had a neighbor approach our nanny in the park once and try to poach her. We will always remember it. So obnoxious and tacky. |
Anonymous
Except the nanny is not making more money by sitting the neighbors' kids, because the neighbor is not paying the nanny. Get it? The neighbor is not doing the nanny a favor, because the nanny gets stuck, deliberately and not incidentally, with more kids than the nanny signed up for. OP, write a contract with the nanny - make sure you include language to protect this from happening. You are the primary employer. No one is saying OP "owns" the nanny. OP "owns" the time OP signed up for, and what the nanny agreed to with OP. All of you users can stuff it, because the plausible deniability is not there, and the primary employer can make sure of that. Sneaky and smart are two very, very, very different things. I have no use for sneaky people, OP shouldn't either. |