A cautionary tale of how not to parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:.........and then his parents, they got Larlo another job! This time at a country club where he met all kind and manner of hooligan and low life. He got caught up in their shenanigans and spent most of his free time trying to kill the gophers that plagued the country club when he wasn't dancing with the daughters of the rich families who came there. They even blew up the golf course trying to kill those darned gophers. Well then, one day his regular dance partner turns up pregnant by another spoiled son but this one was going to Yale and she had an abortion that meant that she couldn't dance with Larlo anymore in the big dance finale so this other girl named Enfanta stands in and dances with Larlo and they wow the whole crowd and Enfanta's dad likes Larlo and offers him a job at his conglomerate making widgets. Where he became their top salesman.

The End

You win DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.........and then his parents, they got Larlo another job! This time at a country club where he met all kind and manner of hooligan and low life. He got caught up in their shenanigans and spent most of his free time trying to kill the gophers that plagued the country club when he wasn't dancing with the daughters of the rich families who came there. They even blew up the golf course trying to kill those darned gophers. Well then, one day his regular dance partner turns up pregnant by another spoiled son but this one was going to Yale and she had an abortion that meant that she couldn't dance with Larlo anymore in the big dance finale so this other girl named Enfanta stands in and dances with Larlo and they wow the whole crowd and Enfanta's dad likes Larlo and offers him a job at his conglomerate making widgets. Where he became their top salesman.

The End

You win DCUM.

Just you wait. Next time I'll tell you the story about the parents who were so negligent they forgot their daughter's 16th birthday because they were so busy with her sister's wedding and then she ended up at a Nightclub in the Everglades called Piggies where men stared at her through a hole in the wall while she showered and then she had to endure a line up to identify the proper member that some boy stuck through the hole in the wall. Be careful parents, this whole thing can go sideways quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In terms of who is impacting the boy, na, likely the mom is not having the big negative impact you think she is. He was fired and experienced natural consequence and her hissy fit with the resturant owener is not taking that away. I know you don't approve of her parenting. And it doesn't sound ideal or healthy. But outcomes are not as directly related to connected to parenting styles as you think. The doing harm here is likely the parent who is chonically withholding approval and using money as power. It's imteresting that you have more crictism for the overinvolved mom than the truely toxic dad. . .

OP here. I think his dad is a total POS. Excuse my language. I think both of them are toxic. I don't know why but I blame her for not protecting the kid - not telling her husband to shut up and not leaving him. Maybe she thinks she can counter that damage dad was causing with her overbearing love.

Yes, outcomes vary. But one thing I know for sure - if you don't let your kid fail and experience the consequences of failing, if you keep removing consequences for them and fixing everything for them, it's a recipe for disaster.

But in this case he expereinced the consequence of failure. I think you have a case about the mom not protecting the boy from the POS dad, but that's not what gets you so worked up. You reserve that for her helicoptering. But the truth is that there is not a direct single outcome of being ovreinvestested in the minutea of your kids' lives. Some kids thrive in that, some kids are hostile but no real world negative consequences beyond a bad relationship with mom, and some kids rebell or fail. In this case, the kid is not doing well in AP and stole money from where he worked. The first is a non issue and the second is bad but not NEARLY as bad as what other (non-helicoperting parents) on this board are facing with kids who get into drugs or fall in to severe depression. No one is going to get worked up about a kid who stole money one time. Not good, but not DISASTER. This may be a blip and he goes on to do just fine, or this may be a sign that he needs help and he gets it, or this may be the beginning of a muddling though period lasting a decade or so (he holds down jobs periodically, goes to a decent but not steller college, makes small mistakes with the law, gradutes in 5-6 years, and pulls it together in his late twenties - this is LITERALLY the narrative of most people I know), or it may be the beginning of a bad slide into drugs and ultimaetly jail and lawlessness. I would say that 1, 2, and 3 are most likely. And no one considers 1 or 2 or 3 disasters (except perhaps you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are disgusting, OP.

Why? Because I'm judgmental?

And smugly pleased about another family’s struggles.

You are far from perfect.

I’m glad you’re not my friend.

I'm not smugly pleased. I find it monstrous what this family does. The only person I feel bad for in this family is that kid but I don't think he has any chances at this point.
I posted it so all you hovering, helicoptering moms out there learn how it effects kids.

I'm not a hovering or a helicopter mom, but I do have self-awareness. I'm aware that right now, I'm speaking as a mom of a 4yo and a 6yo who are healthy, doing very well in school and in preschool, and who are well-behaved. I am aware that I might be struggling when I'm a mom of older kids/tweens/teens, when my kids have issues and challenges that I cannot yet anticipate.

Wait. Your oldest kid is 6!!!!!!! So you decided to come of the teen board and bash the parenting of a teen at great length and with a great deal of self satisfaction while having no idea what it’s like to parent a teen? WTF is wrong with you?

OMG, take your Valium. It's a different poster, not OP.

+1. Slow down and read again, moron. Sane team!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
but not NEARLY as bad as what other (non-helicoperting parents) on this board are facing with kids who get into drugs or fall in to severe depression.

Actually, you are wrong there. His mom is afraid he's suicidal (not just lately but since things began to fall apart) and that's how she justifies spying on him and going through his stuff. But she won't take him to a psychologist because she's afraid of the stigma if the school finds out.

[Anonymous]

OP seems to be a vicious gossipy bitch who revels in other people's problems and basically gives too many details here so that the kid can be identified by those who know about it. Too much White people drama and dysfunction going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP seems to be a vicious gossipy bitch who revels in other people's problems and basically gives too many details here so that the kid can be identified by those who know about it. Too much White people drama and dysfunction going on here.

"White people"??

[Anonymous]

Is not dramatic for black people to steal from your first job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's seomthing you could show your "friend" that cpuold help in the college application process...

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/how-to-write-your-teens-college-essay?fbclid=IwAR3kyr4AS1R5suM1jYCaoNQIrPcSOam4DofK8vDw1ZLwvDtuRgN98EDDH5w

This is hilarious

Love it!! And I know somebody who is that much of a helicopter parent. And she openly talks about it. The other night after talking to her for a little bit, she actually ended the conversation by saying she had to go home and write her kids college essay. I almost fell over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
but not NEARLY as bad as what other (non-helicoperting parents) on this board are facing with kids who get into drugs or fall in to severe depression.

Actually, you are wrong there. His mom is afraid he's suicidal (not just lately but since things began to fall apart) and that's how she justifies spying on him and going through his stuff. But she won't take him to a psychologist because she's afraid of the stigma if the school finds out.

overinvoled parents do not create suicidal kids. It can increase anxiety perhaps, but suicidal tendencies are from mental illness. If the child is this depressed it is mostly genetic not environmental. Not at all a cautionary tale for parenting unless you mean a mom not getting her child help. Feel feel to helicopter your child since there is no cause effect to be seen here. If anything. Mom and son share genetic tendencies towards instability. Or mom's parenting is making worse mental health issues that would manifest themselves eventually. I'm sure you are a troll, but if not please stop gossiping about this poor family and using them for some weak morality tale. Our kids are who they are and twin studies show that who they are is mostly genetics.

[Anonymous]

If you think your helicoptering doesn't effect your kids, their mental state or outcome why don't you come educate yourself? Speak to a psychologist. There have been books written about this.

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/H79UI4LzEko

[Anonymous]

Pop psych nonsense.

I'm not a helicopter parent, but the family dynamic you are describing here are really complictaed and not the simple "don't helicopter" cautionary tale you are making it out to be. I don't know why I am arguing with you. 6 pages of responses and almost no one agrees that you should be focusing on this or that you have deduced the moral right from your vantage point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pop psych nonsense.

I'm not a helicopter parent, but the family dynamic you are describing here are really complictaed and not the simple "don't helicopter" cautionary tale you are making it out to be. I don't know why I am arguing with you. 6 pages of responses and almost no one agrees that you should be focusing on this or that you have deduced the moral right from your vantage point.

I think it's stupid to argue that helicopter parenting is not damaging. Of course, more factors played into the story, but nevertheless it's one big damaging one.

I'm starting to think there are many helicopter parents here and you're being defensive.

My moral right... It's a complicated question. Do we have a moral right to call out destructive or inappropriate behavior? Like you are calling out mine here. If you have a right to do it what makes you think I don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's seomthing you could show your "friend" that cpuold help in the college application process...

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/how-to-write-your-teens-college-essay?fbclid=IwAR3kyr4AS1R5suM1jYCaoNQIrPcSOam4DofK8vDw1ZLwvDtuRgN98EDDH5w

This is hilarious

Love it!! And I know somebody who is that much of a helicopter parent. And she openly talks about it. The other night after talking to her for a little bit, she actually ended the conversation by saying she had to go home and write her kids college essay. I almost fell over.

My friend will do this. Oh she'll claim that she's only going to help her kid brainstorm a topic and that she'll only be "editing". Basically if the kid does some of it, she can tell herself she didn't write it.