A cautionary tale of how not to parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Scientifically, taking one case and trying to extrapolate to a group is bad practice.

This should be reassuring to you, OP, since none of your acquaintance's problems have any particular risk of applying to your family.

But I know you're just reveling in their setbacks because you used to be jealous of their success.

Let's see how your kids do...

Seriously? Success?? It's a train wreck.

No, I started this thread as a discussion what hovering does to kids and how we can stop it. I tend to do a bit hovering myself, but I really really hope I'm not as bad. Also, I find a lot of other parents these days are helicoptering, or, as a friend of mine says, "I'm not a helicopter mom, I'm a drone mom", droning. At DC's school they invited a child psychologist to speak and he said some parents move in with their kids in college or call their professors asking to allow their kids to retake tests, etc.

College prof here. No, this doesn't happen.

NP. Wrong. I have several fiends who are profs at different schools, several at DCUM faves. They have some crazy stories. One out of Haverford was a student who wouldn’t move into her dorm, so mom stayed behind and they lived out of a hotel together.

And do you know why? Did the kid have a mental or physical illness? Go through a trauma? Something else?

DS has a friend who comes from a great, family supportive parents. She smart, kind, nice kid who is very well adjusted. She has an “invisible disability”— serious autoimmune issues that could well shorten her life. She is staying in state for college because of her illness, but Mason isn’t a good fit. She and her parents and doctors are talking now about how to make college work next year. And it may well involve Mom spending a lot of time where DD is to assist in transitioning medical care and such— or even, yes, getting an apartment w/ her DD freshmen year to help take care of her during flare ups. She needs to stay on a strict routine with sleep, the right food always and exercise. There is concern she can’t live in a dorm, even in a single, and may not be able to properly care for herself during flare ups. But if you met this girl, you would never guess it. Should she just not go to college? Should they go against her care teams advice, stick her in a dorm and hope?

You don’t know what people are going through or why people make the decisions they do.

I think OP is disgusting. If you kids are happy and thriving, be grateful. Not everyone has that. Many people have kids with physical and mental illness because of bad luck. Thank whomever you pray to that your kid does not and approach parenting with humility. There are no perfect parents, we all mistakes, and by the time we have teens we all look back and see things we could have done better. And I don’t know a single perfect parent who raised perfect kids or never hit a bump.

OP’s gloating over some other family’s struggles on an anonymous forum is just nauseating. Because I can guarantee you this OP— at some point, you’ll get what coming to you. Karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schadenfreude much?

Yep. So very gross. And pretending that it is some lesson to be learned from when it is so clearly pleasurable OP.

I am annoyed with some parents at my son's school. But I hope to god that IF their kids ever struggle, I don't take vindictive pleasure in it.

I don't feel any pleasure in the kid's situation. I have personally told his mom she needs to let him see a psychologist, but she won't listen. So if he does have mental illness, it's not diagnosed and not medicated.

However, I'm sort of glad that in this situation is a "You reap what you sow" effect. It's comforting to know that we all eventually face the consequences of our actions.

Yes, sometimes there are things outside of our control and bad things happen to good people, but these are rare exceptions. I know plenty of parents whose kids have survived the teenage years they didn't have any such drama because they were healthy, well-balanced adults that didn't treat their kids like this.

Well if she’s not listening to you, when you clearly know better than her what is best for her kid, she deserves what she gets.

Maybe the kid is seeing a shirk, and she just doesn’t want to tell you because it’s his private health information and you are a busybody gossip.

[Anonymous]

She’s doing her personal best. Parenting is a kick ass hard gig. Stop judging her and her kid or you may find yourself as ‘unluckily’ one day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s doing her personal best. Parenting is a kick ass hard gig. Stop judging her and her kid or you may find yourself as ‘unluckily’ one day

Is that what you're tell yourself? That you're doing your best by pushing your kid into some form of perfection that you desire - get straight As, be on top of the class and get into Harvard? You're doing your best by denying him mental health treatment because you're afraid it's not going to look kosher on Harvard application? Or that you found a job for him that he didn't ask you for and are calling his boss behind his back? This is the best one can do? Really? Come on, you need a reality check, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was probably too many sugary snacks or television before 3 years old that made the difference here.

I'll bet he wasn't breastfed for a year.

They probably let him wear character clothing, too. Horrifying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s doing her personal best. Parenting is a kick ass hard gig. Stop judging her and her kid or you may find yourself as ‘unluckily’ one day

Is that what you're tell yourself? That you're doing your best by pushing your kid into some form of perfection that you desire - get straight As, be on top of the class and get into Harvard? You're doing your best by denying him mental health treatment because you're afraid it's not going to look kosher on Harvard application? Or that you found a job for him that he didn't ask you for and are calling his boss behind his back? This is the best one can do? Really? Come on, you need a reality check, lady.

And you need a Valium. And a therapist. What’s with the anger and crazy?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know any driven parents who want Larlo working in a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s doing her personal best. Parenting is a kick ass hard gig. Stop judging her and her kid or you may find yourself as ‘unluckily’ one day

Is that what you're tell yourself? That you're doing your best by pushing your kid into some form of perfection that you desire - get straight As, be on top of the class and get into Harvard? You're doing your best by denying him mental health treatment because you're afraid it's not going to look kosher on Harvard application? Or that you found a job for him that he didn't ask you for and are calling his boss behind his back? This is the best one can do? Really? Come on, you need a reality check, lady.

Huh? No one is listing their mental health treatments on any kind of college applications, Harvard or Montgomery College. Come on, you need a reality check, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was probably too many sugary snacks or television before 3 years old that made the difference here.

I'll bet he wasn't breastfed for a year.

They probably let him wear character clothing, too. Horrifying

He probably didn't CIO. That's the root of all evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schadenfreude much?

Yep. So very gross. And pretending that it is some lesson to be learned from when it is so clearly pleasurable OP.

I am annoyed with some parents at my son's school. But I hope to god that IF their kids ever struggle, I don't take vindictive pleasure in it.

I don't feel any pleasure in the kid's situation. I have personally told his mom she needs to let him see a psychologist, but she won't listen. So if he does have mental illness, it's not diagnosed and not medicated.

However, I'm sort of glad that in this situation is a "You reap what you sow" effect. It's comforting to know that we all eventually face the consequences of our actions.

Yes, sometimes there are things outside of our control and bad things happen to good people, but these are rare exceptions. I know plenty of parents whose kids have survived the teenage years they didn't have any such drama because they were healthy, well-balanced adults that didn't treat their kids like this.

Do you hear yourself?

[Anonymous]

The root of evil is crazy nut parents. But they blame it on ADHD and mental illness. Suicide rates are through the roof and over diagnosed and over medicated kids. Must be genetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance of mine, a very ambitious lady, raised her son aiming for stars. From early on he was a perfect student - in a gifted program, 99 percentile test results, straight As. She signed him up to volunteer at the right places. She was aiming for ivy league.

Not only Larlo was driven by her, she also kept close tabs on him. For example, you know how you can go and have lunch with your kid at school? Well, she did it every day for the first few months of school and then 3 times a week for the rest of school year. Until 7th grade. Because they had a loving relationship she said. She volunteered at school, signed him up for all the right activities.

At the same time, his father is just an a***hole - criticized and put him down all the time, was very stingy with money, but paid for good grades. It was not a healthy dynamic at home.

I don't know the full extent how controlling mom was. At first Larlo would tell her everything, but then he figured it out and stopped talking. She would use different tactics like go to his room and sit there under pretense of reading a book to try to get him to talk or just watch him. Later she started to go through trash, his backpack, his things, spy behind the door, etc. It was about the same time he began to unravel.

At first, he found getting As in AP classes was not easy. He was deeply disappointed that after all his hard work he was not in top ten students in school.

Then he was disappointed he did not have a high ranking as a tennis player. You see, he had been in school's tennis team, but his stingy father didn't want to pay for private lessons, so while others got better, he didn't. He missed a few practices and when the coach asked him why, he replied that he didn't feel like it. The coach kicked him out of the team. Larlo's mom tried to fix it behind his back, she tried to make excuses for him and begged the coach to take him back. The coach said no.

Then he began to take risks - like jump off trains with his friends, driving a car without license with cops nearby and posting some videos on Instagram. His mom was concerned it was not going to go over well at school and Harvard.

Then she decided to find him a job. Note, not Larlo decided to find a job. His mom decided to find him a job. So she asked some friend's to hire him at their restaurant. Larlo worked there a few months and things seemed OK.

Only recently I find out the Larlo got fired for stealing money from the restaurant and now showing up for shifts. Guess what? His mom wrote to the friends/restaurant owners how disappointed she's with them, that she trusted them with her child and they let her down, but he's a good boy and not to worry, they will find him another job.

I don't know what's going to happen to Larlo. After watching this story unfold I'm just anxious if I've been doing anything similar with my DC. I'll stop it this minute and free range, free range all the way.

OP you have no idea how this child will turn out later in life.
You shouldn't be making assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schadenfreude much?

Yep. So very gross. And pretending that it is some lesson to be learned from when it is so clearly pleasurable OP.

I am annoyed with some parents at my son's school. But I hope to god that IF their kids ever struggle, I don't take vindictive pleasure in it.

I don't feel any pleasure in the kid's situation. I have personally told his mom she needs to let him see a psychologist, but she won't listen. So if he does have mental illness, it's not diagnosed and not medicated.

However, I'm sort of glad that in this situation is a "You reap what you sow" effect. It's comforting to know that we all eventually face the consequences of our actions.

Yes, sometimes there are things outside of our control and bad things happen to good people, but these are rare exceptions. I know plenty of parents whose kids have survived the teenage years they didn't have any such drama because they were healthy, well-balanced adults that didn't treat their kids like this.

Do you hear yourself?

Ugh. Who thinks like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are disgusting, OP.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm friends with the people he stole from, not the parents of the teen. The ones who got accused of not looking after the boy.

So really you don’t know shit. All second hand, biased information.

Thanks for playing.

+1

Seriously doubt mom went to lunch daily and then 3x a week until 7th. What a bunch of bs. You have no idea since she’s not your friend. Just vicious gossip.