Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was not vilified for hiring a nanny but have been absolutely vilified because I fired her.

Why did you fire her? Perhaps you deserved to be vilified.

[Anonymous]

Because every choice women make is vilified, one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never heard this before. I live in an Andrea where a lot of people have nannies. Most people love their nannies, and most of the nannies I know love the kids too and stay with the family for many years.

This

[Anonymous]

I had a SAHM. Then my dad remarried and I lived with nannies for his younger kids. I sent my kids to daycare. All have pluses and minuses.

I will say I don't like the idea of a sole non-family member caregiver for a child. I don't trust them. My dad had four kids in his second marriage and we had a lot of nannies in and out over the years. Some good, some great, some not. I would always want my child in a child care situation where multiple women are around keeping an eye on each other. And I do realize that even that is no guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a SAHM. Then my dad remarried and I lived with nannies for his younger kids. I sent my kids to daycare. All have pluses and minuses.

I will say I don't like the idea of a sole non-family member caregiver for a child. I don't trust them. My dad had four kids in his second marriage and we had a lot of nannies in and out over the years. Some good, some great, some not. I would always want my child in a child care situation where multiple women are around keeping an eye on each other. And I do realize that even that is no guarantee.

+1 Daycare is safer than nannies on average

https://www.keanelaw.com/library/childCarefatalities2003.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one downside I see is that the kids often become very attached to the nannies, especially if they work long hours--which is a great thing, of course, since it means a strong relationships for the kids--and then many parents abruptly move on from the nanny when the time comes. That makes financial sense, of course, but it's often hard for the kids, and I think some parents don't want to admit that.

But otherwise, there are tons of plusses to them. We're a daycare family and I absolutely see the benefits of a nanny vs. what we do.

The relationship can be kept up, though!! Former nannies can be hired for occasional weekend sitting, if they're up for it. They can also be invited as guests of honor to birthdays and later on, the kid's wedding. I've seen it happen.

[Anonymous]

I have done both daycare and nannies depending on what makes the best sense for our family at the time. There are definitely pros and cons for each situation. Right now we have a nanny, and she is really great. On balance I think a great nanny is better than a mediocre daycare, and a fabulous daycare is better than a so-so nanny. It's so individualized and it sucks the parents are made to feel bad for their decisions when they are doing the best they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was not vilified for hiring a nanny but have been absolutely vilified because I fired her.

Why did you fire her? Perhaps you deserved to be vilified.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard several moms make nasty comments about parents who hire nannies. I’ve seen many celebrities comment that they are active parents so don’t have nannies so I’m like, who is watching your kids while you work? Travel?

It’s beyond the working parent vs. stay-at-home parent battle.

A mom in our mom group made a nasty comment about “raising her own kids” so she didn’t hire a nanny. Yet her kids are in daycare for the same amount of hours my kid is with their nanny?

Honestly, I think it is because having a nanny makes it easy for the parents, and is generally expensive. So you're signaling that "my life doesn't suck and I can afford it." There is also virtue signaling in "doing your own parenting" so celebrities overstate how much they actually do for their children.

We hired a live-in nanny for our third child because we literally did not have in us to deal with three different pick-ups and drop-offs. It's fantastic. I can finally spend uninterrupted time with each child while the baby is with the nanny. He loves her and they are very bonded, and I love seeing this. It would be a red flag to me if they didn't love each other. But I come from a culture in which nannies are basically family members if they work out so I don't see her as a stranger. Also, my personal stress and my family stress went way, way down, and we are happy to pay for this.

My two older kids were daycare kids so I have zero judgment toward moms who use daycare. We are all trying to do our best with what we have.

[Anonymous]

Sah with full time nanny is the best for children and parents

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest, the only time i judged a mom for having a nanny is when she didn't have a job, had a day nanny, a housekeeper, and then I came in at night to play with her kids, give them dinner and put them to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard several moms make nasty comments about parents who hire nannies. I’ve seen many celebrities comment that they are active parents so don’t have nannies so I’m like, who is watching your kids while you work? Travel?

It’s beyond the working parent vs. stay-at-home parent battle.

A mom in our mom group made a nasty comment about “raising her own kids” so she didn’t hire a nanny. Yet her kids are in daycare for the same amount of hours my kid is with their nanny?

The only people I have heard "jab" at other moms about nanny childcare are women who have no idea what it is like not to have family nearby to help you on occasion. SIL literally wore MIL with her child care demands, so when it came time for us, we had no choice but to hire help. The message: don't be so quick to judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sah with full time nanny is the best for children and parents

LMAO. No, you need a weekend nanny, a weekday nanny, and a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

I’m a nanny and have been with the same family for 10 years. I couldn’t live the kids more if I tried. Both of my bosses work and when they’re home, they are such wonderful and involved parents. Ive been a nanny for 25 years and wouldn’t work for sahm’s or sahd’s. I’m there to support the parents and help while they’re away from the kids. I can’t respect mom’s who stay home all day and don’t help with the kids. I’m in California so we have a type of stay at home mom out here. Perhaps elsewhere in the US it would be different. Most nannies I know are dedicated to their work kids and really love caring for children.