Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?

[Anonymous]

A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard several moms make nasty comments about parents who hire nannies. I’ve seen many celebrities comment that they are active parents so don’t have nannies so I’m like, who is watching your kids while you work? Travel?

It’s beyond the working parent vs. stay-at-home parent battle.

A mom in our mom group made a nasty comment about “raising her own kids” so she didn’t hire a nanny. Yet her kids are in daycare for the same amount of hours my kid is with their nanny?

Celebrities mean they don’t have live-in nannies. I hear this all the time in Los Angeles. They usually have two full time nannies per child but all live out.

Daycare mothers are just defensive.

[Anonymous]

I agree with an above poster. As an older woman, this generation of young mothers are shockingly defensive.

Do what you think is best for your child, OP, and ignore the “noise”.

[Anonymous]

I’ve read similar here but have not experienced anything like that IRL.

Our nanny is a former preschool teacher with a degree in Early Childhood Development. She keeps my son active and engaged as well as involving him in playgroups and story times. She has a skill set that neither DH nor I possess. Plus she loves my son and he loves her! I work from home and can hear them laughing all the time!

That said, our nanny is the first to say that daycare is better than a bad nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Motherhood: no matter how you’re doing it, you’re doing it wrong.

Stop beating yourself up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daycare parents feel threatened and judged. All mothers on this forum seem to feel threatened and judged. Whatever they have chosen to do absolutely must be correct and the only way to be correct.

Hence, if you chose daycare then daycare has to be the best and only childcare.

Why single out daycare parents? Is it any different for folks with nannies? Or SAHMs? Lots of people in all set ups try to convince themselves that their way is clear best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve read similar here but have not experienced anything like that IRL.

Our nanny is a former preschool teacher with a degree in Early Childhood Development. She keeps my son active and engaged as well as involving him in playgroups and story times. She has a skill set that neither DH nor I possess. Plus she loves my son and he loves her! I work from home and can hear them laughing all the time!

That said, our nanny is the first to say that daycare is better than a bad nanny.

That's definitely true, and good daycare is better than a bad mother (or father) too.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never heard this and we’ve had nannies for 12 years. But maybe they have an impression that nannies work longer hours, evenings, weekends? I guess one reason we always had a nanny is that with our commute and jobs, it’s hard to always guarantee we can get to a daycare by 6 or 6:30 100% or the time, so it’s insurance for the rare times something happens to hold us up. I think we actually go into work later than most people who use daycare, so it’s probably not more hours, just shifted later and a little less predictable.

[Anonymous]

Some strange comments here. I'm yet to hear a daycare parent start this conversation. Any comment on this subject is usually in response to someone openly or slyly leveling a criticism so that might be where the defensiveness comes from--actually having to defend their parenting. As far as I can tell, parents who use daycare view it as a necessity, not a first choice.

Not me, though. I've done SAH, nanny, and daycare and vastly prefer daycare. I'd prefer in-home to a center, but for my kid at this stage, daycare seems to be working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.

[Anonymous]

You're not moving in the right circles, that's all

[Anonymous]

I have heard this too, OP. Only on online forums though. The comment is usually something like, “I don’t see why you need so much help. We both work full time and do everything ourselves. No nanny, no housekeeper.”
And no, they don’t mean opposite shifts. They are using daycare and/or family help.

[Anonymous]

The one downside I see is that the kids often become very attached to the nannies, especially if they work long hours--which is a great thing, of course, since it means a strong relationships for the kids--and then many parents abruptly move on from the nanny when the time comes. That makes financial sense, of course, but it's often hard for the kids, and I think some parents don't want to admit that.

But otherwise, there are tons of plusses to them. We're a daycare family and I absolutely see the benefits of a nanny vs. what we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because some people believe that if you choose to have children that it is then your responsibility to stay home and take care of them because it is the best thing for a child. If "breast is best" then it can be argued that having a mother, not a nanny or daycare, is the best care for a child.

Our nanny breastfeeds our kid so win/win

I truly do not doubt that "wet nurse nannies" will be the next craze in hiring nannies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because some people believe that if you choose to have children that it is then your responsibility to stay home and take care of them because it is the best thing for a child. If "breast is best" then it can be argued that having a mother, not a nanny or daycare, is the best care for a child.

Our nanny breastfeeds our kid so win/win

I truly do not doubt that "wet nurse nannies" will be the next craze in hiring nannies!

You’re proof of what OP s talking about.