Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?

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10/25/2019 11:59

Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?

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Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.

Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.

But, feel free to judge away.

Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.

Are you saying that a bunch of secret studies support your position?

No. Not secret. And not a position Just a fact. Here is a huge meta-analysis published a few years ago by the American Psychological Association.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf

From this article:
"Taken together, the results of these analyses suggest that maternal employment early in a child’s life is not commonly associated with decreases in later achievement or increases in behavior problems. The associations between achievement and behavior problems and maternal employment are predominately nonsignificant, small even when significant, both positive and negative in direction, and moderated by both family and contextual variables."

In other words, ignore the fools on DCUM and do what works for you.

Not associated with decreases in achievement or increases in behavior problems. These are significant but my goals for my kids included a lot more than that.

You, or perhaps others, sometimes cite scientific evidence that daycare is not bad for children, you may be the poster who also claims daycare is actually good for children. I see the issue quite differently, after having raised two kids well into adulthood, having worked as a daycare provider for a few years when my kids were young, and also worked for many years with children, now.

It seems that you are very defensive about this which tells me perhaps you are not that sure of your position. Calling others fools for not agreeing with you makes me more sure of that.

I think people who judge others for decisions about their families where science tells us there is not a right or wrong choice are pretty foolish. I'm saying do what works for you honey. You may have your own opinions but that's all they are - your opinions. You actually don't know better than everyone else.