Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?

[Anonymous]

Nobody is vilifying hiring a nanny legally and using the correct mechanisms.

What I have seen vilified here--and rightfully so-- is exploiting a nanny by hiring them under the table. Another thing that is rightfully vilified here are the parents who hire nannies and au pairs and either make them work unpaid or unexpected overtime or do not fairly compensate them for that overtime.

[Anonymous]

Working mothers are vilified in general. Hiring a nanny is more vilified because it’s seen as “better” and certainly richer. Big center daycares are seen as better than in-home daycares. Two hour preschool is school while all day preschool is daycare. Breast feeding is better than any formula.

The list goes on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

Um, clearly you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Working mothers are vilified in general. Hiring a nanny is more vilified because it’s seen as “better” and certainly richer. Big center daycares are seen as better than in-home daycares. Two hour preschool is school while all day preschool is daycare. Breast feeding is better than any formula.

The list goes on and on.

Everyone is vilified unless you work part-time from home while your child is in half-day preschool and you make $500,000 dollars a year doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.

Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.

But, feel free to judge away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working mothers are vilified in general. Hiring a nanny is more vilified because it’s seen as “better” and certainly richer. Big center daycares are seen as better than in-home daycares. Two hour preschool is school while all day preschool is daycare. Breast feeding is better than any formula.

The list goes on and on.

Everyone is vilified unless you work part-time from home while your child is in half-day preschool and you make $500,000 dollars a year doing that.

Don't forget that the part-time flexible job should also include full retirement benefits and a Cadillac healthcare plan in case your husband divorces you.

[Anonymous]

There are a couple of negative perceptions about nanny families, obviously not true for many people:

Nannies were once only for the rich because of the high cost. Now everyone wants a nanny (their families are too good for daycares) but can't really afford one so they underpay and over work these women. You can find these ads all over the internet, looking for $10 an hour nannies.

The one family I know with a nanny never spends time with their kids. The nanny raises the kids, the parents spend all their time doing other things. I know they are an odd ball family, but the general perception is that most families operate that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is vilifying hiring a nanny legally and using the correct mechanisms.

What I have seen vilified here--and rightfully so-- is exploiting a nanny by hiring them under the table. Another thing that is rightfully vilified here are the parents who hire nannies and au pairs and either make them work unpaid or unexpected overtime or do not fairly compensate them for that overtime.

Yeah remember Nannygate? People don't have a problem with those who are hiring through agencies, etc. It's the people with cash-only nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.

This is complete BS with no basis in fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.

Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.

But, feel free to judge away.

That depends on what outcomes are important to you which obviously varies for different people. Scientific studies administered by people with kids in daycare don't impress me much.

[Anonymous]

I've never heard this. I have been a SAHM, WOHM, and nanny employer and I know many people who have their kids in daycare. Never. I think the "mommy wars" are 99% online. People in real life are far more normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never heard this. I have been a SAHM, WOHM, and nanny employer and I know many people who have their kids in daycare. Never. I think the "mommy wars" are 99% online. People in real life are far more normal.

you have clearly not met my sister in law.

[Anonymous]

Maybe part of it is people thinking that moms with kids in day care probably don't have as much money so they "need to" work, whereas moms with nannies must have more money so they could afford to quit or cut back but are choosing not to do so?
It's all a false dichotomy and really stupid. Glad I don't know any people who are into ginning up the mommy wars. Most moms are nice and support whatever works for your family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.

Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.

But, feel free to judge away.

That depends on what outcomes are important to you which obviously varies for different people. Scientific studies administered by people with kids in daycare don't impress me much.

You really seem to understand science. Good lord sometimes this forum contains gems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.

This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.

Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.

But, feel free to judge away.

Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.