Actively Bisexual Men Married to Women--Does she know?

[Anonymous]

Bisexual Female:
To straight males - exciting, hot
To straight females- empowered, unafraid
To gay females - competition

Bisexual Male:
To straight males - vile
To gay males - whatever, maybe an opportunity
To straight females - sad, confused, to be avoided

[Anonymous]

This thread is old.

Anonymous wrote:Hi there. I have been with my DH for 6 years, 2 kids. When I was pregnant last year I found out he was getting bjs from men and women. I had no idea he was bi. I found out he was watching gay porn. He says he just likes head and men are more available, but from what I saw, he wouldnt mind trying being a top or giving oral. He claims he hasnt done anything but bjs. Anyway, it was really hard for me. I felt like I didnt really know him. He had been cheating since I met him and it took years to find out. Do yourself a favor if he has an android phone: look into his google account. You can see the history of what apps he downloads, (like grindr) his map history (how i found out he would leave at night to other cities). Also voice to text. I heard voice to texts like him saying wanna hang out? At random times in the night. And everything he searches in the google search bar, along with other info. It is very useful.
I'm still with him, he doesnt seem to be cheating, but it sucks because I'll never know if he feels he is missing out. And I trust him way less. I am also only in my 20s. Anyway, I am so sorry you're going though this. You're not alone.

Gurrrl. Are you still with him?? Please tell me you have left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many women are into pegging? My husband wants me to try this and I'm not sure.

Buy a prostate massager from Lelo. I like the Billy, initially bought for husband but now love for g spot stimulation. Lelo has newer, more expensive prostate massagers. I love the brand- so streamlined, easy to clean, and zero cringe factor. I think it a vibrator is way more efficient than some sort of strap-on device.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many women are into pegging? My husband wants me to try this and I'm not sure.

Buy a prostate massager from Lelo. I like the Billy, initially bought for husband but now love for g spot stimulation. Lelo has newer, more expensive prostate massagers. I love the brand- so streamlined, easy to clean, and zero cringe factor. I think it a vibrator is way more efficient than some sort of strap-on device.

For stimulation it may be better. But their is no substitute for experiencing the act of pegging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my husband who just decided to tell me that he might be bisexual after many years of marriage. I would love some advice, as well, how to handle. He says he hasn't tried anything with anyone and just wants companionship, but it's been going on and off for 3 months with him saying he's uninterested and then possibly interested again. He's now on a kick where he's not interested and wants to get help but doesn't really know what help and neither do I. I can't take it much longer but want to try to work things out at least before he starts actually getting physical with people to see if it's just an insecurity issue or something more that will continue telling me I should get out. We've had to deal with raising a special needs child and two professional careers which have taken their toll over the years. Maybe I'm just making up excuses. The sex has never been great. But then I think of the kids and my own wish to stay together in marriage. What steps do people take to get the man to actually figure out what is going on in their head and also make any progress as a couple if there can be any progress. I am like that woman before though who said she couldn't be paid to stay in a bisexual relationship. Sex is very important to me and I agree I will not be able to love someone who doesn't commit to me fully.

As a man, I've experienced some real stress in my life, tremendous pressure and even deep sorrow. None of those things has ever made me desire a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my husband who just decided to tell me that he might be bisexual after many years of marriage. I would love some advice, as well, how to handle. He says he hasn't tried anything with anyone and just wants companionship, but it's been going on and off for 3 months with him saying he's uninterested and then possibly interested again. He's now on a kick where he's not interested and wants to get help but doesn't really know what help and neither do I. I can't take it much longer but want to try to work things out at least before he starts actually getting physical with people to see if it's just an insecurity issue or something more that will continue telling me I should get out. We've had to deal with raising a special needs child and two professional careers which have taken their toll over the years. Maybe I'm just making up excuses. The sex has never been great. But then I think of the kids and my own wish to stay together in marriage. What steps do people take to get the man to actually figure out what is going on in their head and also make any progress as a couple if there can be any progress. I am like that woman before though who said she couldn't be paid to stay in a bisexual relationship. Sex is very important to me and I agree I will not be able to love someone who doesn't commit to me fully.

Please get outside, professional help. You and he both need to talk to an objective third party -- namely, a therapist, one with experience and training in working with couples were there has been a sexual revelation like this one. If you just let this all slide you will always be wondering "what is going on in [his] head" as you put it, and you will always have that nagging feeling that he isn't fully committed because he'll always be, at the least, curious and thinking about something other than the marriage, the kids, and you. He may have no idea himself what he's feeling and thinking and may need help figuring that out. Professional help, ASAP. It's especially frustrating, I"m sure, that he keeps waffling by "saying he's uninterested then possibly interested again" -- you mean, interested in having a relationship with, or maybe just sex with, a man? That kind of "yes I do, no I changed my mind, wait, now I do" is way, way too hard for you as the spouse to have to deal with. You BOTH need therapy, probably solo therapy AND couples therapy. If you feel you can't afford it--find the money somehow because you will otherwise live years and years in uncertainty and if he acts on his wants, you may split up anyway.

You're replying to a 16 month old post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many women are into pegging? My husband wants me to try this and I'm not sure.

Buy a prostate massager from Lelo. I like the Billy, initially bought for husband but now love for g spot stimulation. Lelo has newer, more expensive prostate massagers. I love the brand- so streamlined, easy to clean, and zero cringe factor. I think it a vibrator is way more efficient than some sort of strap-on device.

For stimulation it may be better. But their is no substitute for experiencing the act of pegging.

Actually, there is a better substitute. It's called anal sex with another man. But pegging is a fun novelty too, especially if the woman is really into it and isn't just going it to be obliging.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have a friend who has been married for over a year to a woman. She does not know that he also likes to have sex with men. He doesn't consider himself bi, because he is attracted to women and men who cross-dress. I would say that he is attracted to men who area transitioning, but he is not interested in someone who has fully transitioned. He is interested in men who dress/look like a women, but still has male equipment.

I don't think that our friend has cheated on his wife, definitely not during COVID. But it's not like it comes up in conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many women are into pegging? My husband wants me to try this and I'm not sure.

Buy a prostate massager from Lelo. I like the Billy, initially bought for husband but now love for g spot stimulation. Lelo has newer, more expensive prostate massagers. I love the brand- so streamlined, easy to clean, and zero cringe factor. I think it a vibrator is way more efficient than some sort of strap-on device.

For stimulation it may be better. But their is no substitute for experiencing the act of pegging.

Are you the poster who got into tons of detail in another thread that was deleted recently? Someone keeps coming here to talk up pegging. Fine if it's your thing but be aware of you get more detailed here you're violating the site's rules for this forum. It just seems odd that there's suddenly what sounds like borderline proselytizing for pegging on this board. We get it. You like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have a friend who has been married for over a year to a woman. She does not know that he also likes to have sex with men. He doesn't consider himself bi, because he is attracted to women and men who cross-dress. I would say that he is attracted to men who area transitioning, but he is not interested in someone who has fully transitioned. He is interested in men who dress/look like a women, but still has male equipment.

I don't think that our friend has cheated on his wife, definitely not during COVID. But it's not like it comes up in conversation.

The fact you know that level of detail about a "friend's" sexual preferences is...interesting. Is he that open about it? If he were, I'd think he would have told his wife yet you say he has not told her. It's also strange to me that you know what he has and hasn't discussed with his wife re: their sex lives. You see where this is going, right? Are you and/or DH current or former sex partners of his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have a friend who has been married for over a year to a woman. She does not know that he also likes to have sex with men. He doesn't consider himself bi, because he is attracted to women and men who cross-dress. I would say that he is attracted to men who area transitioning, but he is not interested in someone who has fully transitioned. He is interested in men who dress/look like a women, but still has male equipment.

I don't think that our friend has cheated on his wife, definitely not during COVID. But it's not like it comes up in conversation.

The fact you know that level of detail about a "friend's" sexual preferences is...interesting. Is he that open about it? If he were, I'd think he would have told his wife yet you say he has not told her. It's also strange to me that you know what he has and hasn't discussed with his wife re: their sex lives. You see where this is going, right? Are you and/or DH current or former sex partners of his?

Unless her friend is a famous entertainer/actress/singer and her ex-fiance is a former sport star. He's allegedly into the same stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have a friend who has been married for over a year to a woman. She does not know that he also likes to have sex with men. He doesn't consider himself bi, because he is attracted to women and men who cross-dress. I would say that he is attracted to men who area transitioning, but he is not interested in someone who has fully transitioned. He is interested in men who dress/look like a women, but still has male equipment.

I don't think that our friend has cheated on his wife, definitely not during COVID. But it's not like it comes up in conversation.

The fact you know that level of detail about a "friend's" sexual preferences is...interesting. Is he that open about it? If he were, I'd think he would have told his wife yet you say he has not told her. It's also strange to me that you know what he has and hasn't discussed with his wife re: their sex lives. You see where this is going, right? Are you and/or DH current or former sex partners of his?

Unless her friend is a famous entertainer/actress/singer and her ex-fiance is a former sport star. He's allegedly into the same stuff.

Uh, OK, I guess you're being coy about some famous couple and rumors about their sex lives. Not of much interest here. Maybe try the entertainment forum....