Reply to Actively Bisexual Men Married to Women--Does she know?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a similar issue with my husband who just decided to tell me that he might be bisexual after many years of marriage. I would love some advice, as well, how to handle. He says he hasn't tried anything with anyone and just wants companionship, but it's been going on and off for 3 months with him saying he's uninterested and then possibly interested again. He's now on a kick where he's not interested and wants to get help but doesn't really know what help and neither do I. I can't take it much longer but want to try to work things out at least before he starts actually getting physical with people to see if it's just an insecurity issue or something more that will continue telling me I should get out. We've had to deal with raising a special needs child and two professional careers which have taken their toll over the years. Maybe I'm just making up excuses. The sex has never been great. But then I think of the kids and my own wish to stay together in marriage. What steps do people take to get the man to actually figure out what is going on in their head and also make any progress as a couple if there can be any progress. I am like that woman before though who said she couldn't be paid to stay in a bisexual relationship. Sex is very important to me and I agree I will not be able to love someone who doesn't commit to me fully.[/quote]

Please get outside, professional help. You and he both need to talk to an objective third party -- namely, a therapist, one with experience and training in working with couples were there has been a sexual revelation like this one. If you just let this all slide you will always be wondering "what is going on in [his] head" as you put it, and you will always have that nagging feeling that he isn't fully committed because he'll always be, at the least, curious and thinking about something other than the marriage, the kids, and you. He may have no idea himself what he's feeling and thinking and may need help figuring that out. Professional help, ASAP. It's especially frustrating, I"m sure, that he keeps waffling by "saying he's uninterested then possibly interested again" -- you mean, interested in having a relationship with, or maybe just sex with, a man? That kind of "yes I do, no I changed my mind, wait, now I do" is way, way too hard for you as the spouse to have to deal with. You BOTH need therapy, probably solo therapy AND couples therapy. If you feel you can't afford it--find the money somehow because you will otherwise live years and years in uncertainty and if he acts on his wants, you may split up anyway. [/quote]

You're replying to a 16 month old post.[/quote]

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